Should I Invite the Neighbor Children to the Birthday Party??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask your son what he wants to do. If he wants to invite them or is on the fence, I would go ahead and invite them withough any hesitation.

By reaching out with an invitation, you make it more likely that the neighborhood kids will be kinder and reach out to your son in the future. It's no guarantee, of course. But I'd say it increases the odds.

On the other hand, setting up an outdoor party in the yard with a moonbounce and NOT inviting the neighborhood kids his age pretty much ensures they will not be any kinder to your son going forward. Nobody likes to be excluded -- not your son, and likely not the kids on your block either. Sure, you would know why you were doing it (because they've been mean), but they (and their parents) would not know why and would likely just feel snubbed.

If you can't tell from the above, I tend to be a "take the high road" type of person. More often than not, kindness is reciprocated. Good luck to you and your son!

I agree with this as long as they won't be mean at the party, and I'd ask them to leave if they are. I have a friend who is super inclusive with kid stuff, she and her sibs still talk about being excluded from a next door neighbor's party as kids (the rest of the neighborhood was invited). I'd think of it as not making things a lot worse, rtahter than rewarding them for behavior. I'd also make it casual "if you want to stop by" not a party invite on paper. Hope things get a bit better and have fun at the party OP.

[Anonymous]

There's no room for a nine year old at a seven year old's party.

No,

[Anonymous]

Under no circumstances would I invite them. And if they showed up, I would turn them away. But I am small and vindictive.

[Anonymous]

Given how badly these children - and their mom - have been, I would NEVER invite them for DS' special event. Think how you - and possibly the birthday boy - would be edgy waiting for something bad to happen instead of filled with glee on a joyous day.

You might consider inviting these children some other time for a supervised play date, but based on what you said, I would simply ignore them. There are plenty of lovely people in the world who want to be kind and nice to your child, so why go out of your way when they do not seem to be interested. Their mom's behavior makes me sad, too.

good luck

[Anonymous]

They don't sound like people you want to be friends with. Don't invite them.

[Anonymous]

I see everyone's points both ways. Since you have until spring to do this, I'd see how the next few interactions go. A sthe weather gets better your son is more apt to see them socially and that will help you gauge better. If they continue to not even try to reach out to him, then I'd leave it alone. If it comes up after the party, you could in all honesty say "I have never gotten the impression you wanted to be Johnny's friend and probably wouldn't have wanted to celebrate with him"

[Anonymous]

In the 11 months you have been neighbors, has anyone made any effort to get to know each other? Any small talk between you and the neighbors? Is it possible that they may think that you are the distant one? You mention that the kids play with your son when their parents are outside...do you ever go outside during this time just to say hello?

If efforst were made and you guys just aren't clicking, I would ask your son who he wants to invite and see if he includes them in his list. I wouldn't say "Do you want to invite the neighbors?" - let him bring it up. If he names them, then go ahead and invite them. If he doesn't name them, than now is not the time to try and form a bond.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the casual "we're having a party if you want to stop by" approach. It does seem like if you have a party outside and don't invite those kids, then it would be taken in a certain way and make it harder to (ever) forge a friendship down the road. Of course, if your son doesn't want them there, that's a different story and you shouldn't invite them. Maybe you'll luck out and they'll be away that weekend!

[Anonymous]

You are under no obligation at all to invite them! If things stay as they are, I wouldn't invite them. You don't want your son to feel pressured or upset if they're there and in any way misbehave (including ignoring the birthday boy). Since they haven't shown themselves to be real friends, there's no slight in not inviting them. If you were inviting all neighborhood kids regardless of age that would be one thing--I wouldn't leave them out if they're the only neighborhood kids not invited. It doesn't sound as though that's the case, though.

OP, you sound like a wonderfully thoughtful mom and neighbor and are trying to do the right thing. It sounds as though you know you don't want to invite the neighbor twirps (BECAUSE they're twirps and their mom is a twirp). Keep the twiprs out.