Struggling with decision to leave NYC

[Anonymous]

We have a great life in NYC and are very hesitant to leave, but have been looking for a new apartment for 2 years now and can’t find something that feels like a step up for what we can afford. We are currently both working from our bedroom daily in very cramped quarters with 2 kids and a nanny in one small space. While it’s not forever, there are certain things about our apartment we never loved long-term so we always planned to move to something larger - we don’t have space for a real dining table so we will never be able to host the holidays or have people over for dinner (once things get back to normal, our kids’ rooms are pretty small so all their toys live in our living room making it an eyesore and constant cluttered mess. Lastly, since our families are all out of town, we were hoping to one day have a guest room their could use to come visit.

Outside of the apartment issue, we have a great community of friends and our kids go to an amazing private school that we really love. So those are our two biggest hesitations for leaving, other than the commute since DH and I both will keep working in NYC.

If we leave we have narrowed it down to Greenwich CT because of lower taxes and easier commute (vs further in CT). My main hesitation is the schools - the gist I get from people is that the public schools are just ok, but the private schools seem super stuffy, formal and traditional. But moving means we would have a larger house, yard and the beach life that comes with Greenwich. We would be trading for a better overall lifestyle.

For those who we’re trying to make a similar decision to stay or go, what did you finally decide and are you happy with the decision you made? What pushed you over the edge one way or another?

[Anonymous]

OP I grew up on Greenwich CT and the public schools are amazing. They are some of the best schools in the whole country and have been so for literally decades. I don't know who told you they are just "ok" but they're wrong. The private schools are stuffy and have drug problems. The kids who are kicked out for behavior issues end up at Greenwich High School and usually that turns things around for them - more freedoms actually equals better results in the longer term.

Good luck deciding.

[Anonymous]

Agree Greenwich public schools are great. I would move there if I were you.

[Anonymous]

Family in New Canaan and their schools are solid.

[Anonymous]

Grew up in Fairfield County and my mom worked in two different school systems there. The schools are excellent. Do your research and don’t go by word of mouth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grew up in Fairfield County and my mom worked in two different school systems there. The schools are excellent. Do your research and don’t go by word of mouth.

You realize this is word of mouth, right?

[Anonymous]

How could you possible be struggling with this decision?

Your kids are in an expensive private school in Manhattan but you can’t afford to buy an apartment with a legit dining room?

It sounds like you aren’t wealthy enough to be living in Manhattan with kids in private. You likely should have left years ago.

You don’t have to live the terrible lifestyle you’re living. The good thing about covid is it has helped many people make a change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How could you possible be struggling with this decision?

Your kids are in an expensive private school in Manhattan but you can’t afford to buy an apartment with a legit dining room?

It sounds like you aren’t wealthy enough to be living in Manhattan with kids in private. You likely should have left years ago.

You don’t have to live the terrible lifestyle you’re living. The good thing about covid is it has helped many people make a change.

DP. I would take a small Manhattan apartment, kids in a great private, and most importantly a short commute, over Greenwich any time. So would many many people I know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How could you possible be struggling with this decision?

Your kids are in an expensive private school in Manhattan but you can’t afford to buy an apartment with a legit dining room?

It sounds like you aren’t wealthy enough to be living in Manhattan with kids in private. You likely should have left years ago.

You don’t have to live the terrible lifestyle you’re living. The good thing about covid is it has helped many people make a change.

DP. I would take a small Manhattan apartment, kids in a great private, and most importantly a short commute, over Greenwich any time. So would many many people I know!

Perhaps, but most of the responders to this thread have 1st hand experience of these things. You're just a theorizer.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a no brainer to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How could you possible be struggling with this decision?

Your kids are in an expensive private school in Manhattan but you can’t afford to buy an apartment with a legit dining room?

It sounds like you aren’t wealthy enough to be living in Manhattan with kids in private. You likely should have left years ago.

You don’t have to live the terrible lifestyle you’re living. The good thing about covid is it has helped many people make a change.

This is OP... our current apartment doesn’t have a dining room as we turned it into a 3rd bedroom so our kids can have separate spaces. Our living room is big-ish so we put a 4 person table there but the rest is filled with toys and a play area for the kids. Our current apt is around $2M but the apartments we want which have 3 bedrooms plus and office plus a formal dining room and more general living space are going for around $3.5M. That is too much for us to swing with the 2 private school tuitions. Unfortunately there isn’t anything less that $3 million on the market right now that seems like a big step up. For an extra 750k to 1 million you basically get a dining room... which just doesn’t seem like a great use of funds. I am only throwing out these numbers to give you a sense of the market.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely move just for the ease of lifestyle. We live in Larchmont and similar to Greenwich, I love being close to the water. There are lots of things to do with the kids, shopping, restaurants, etc. Also, we really do enjoy having the space to spread out in our homes and even after Covid will have the ability to work from home a few days a week going forward. I also love that as the kids are getting older we are not all on top of each other when they have friends over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How could you possible be struggling with this decision?

Your kids are in an expensive private school in Manhattan but you can’t afford to buy an apartment with a legit dining room?

It sounds like you aren’t wealthy enough to be living in Manhattan with kids in private. You likely should have left years ago.

You don’t have to live the terrible lifestyle you’re living. The good thing about covid is it has helped many people make a change.

This is OP... our current apartment doesn’t have a dining room as we turned it into a 3rd bedroom so our kids can have separate spaces. Our living room is big-ish so we put a 4 person table there but the rest is filled with toys and a play area for the kids. Our current apt is around $2M but the apartments we want which have 3 bedrooms plus and office plus a formal dining room and more general living space are going for around $3.5M. That is too much for us to swing with the 2 private school tuitions. Unfortunately there isn’t anything less that $3 million on the market right now that seems like a big step up. For an extra 750k to 1 million you basically get a dining room... which just doesn’t seem like a great use of funds. I am only throwing out these numbers to give you a sense of the market.

OMG. Cry me a River. Talk about first world problems.

[Anonymous]

OP, take this advice for what it is: if I were you I would absolutely, positively not move.

You say that you have a great life, great schools, great friends, great community exactly where you are. Your only complaint is that you can’t host dinner parties or have a guest room, not saying this is trivial but it does not compare to the other positives that you have named. Living in the city is so vastly different from Greenwich, you will not have the conveniences that you are accustomed to. People in Greenwich are extremely wealthy and snobby, maybe that’s true of your New York friends as well but it is a different world in Greenwich. Super super rich, and if you are not super super rich then you will feel super super poor all. The. Time.

The only way I would make this move is if I was desperate to live in the suburbs. If I wanted the upkeep of a house, or the upkeep of a yard, or the ability to drive. If you are desperate for green space or deer in your backyard. These are all good reasons to move but it sounds like what you really want is a bigger apartment in New York that is affordable. You will not achieve that by buying a house in Greenwich.

Good luck with your decision and please keep us posted.

[Anonymous]

I think you should stay. More places will come up for sale as people leave NY. You state so many positives. Sounds like a good life, other than the dining room space. And that is okay.