My 13-year-old is posting coming out videos on Tiktok

[Anonymous]

My daughter has been very interested in LGBTQ issues for at least half a year. All her best friends (all 13) have decided they're lesbian, bi, or trans. I had told my daughter months ago I didn't want her having a Tiktok account, knowing social media can be addictive and a waste of time. Also, data is gathered.

She told me she didn't have one (The conversation went like this: I said "You know a lot about all this" as she was explaining various LGBTQI-related things. She said, "I learned a lot from Tiktok." I said "I thought you didn't have an account." She said, "No, just from what my friends send to me." And then I found Tiktok on her phone. I saw that today she posted a video saying she is a gender fluid demi girl. In other videos she said she's excited me meet all the LGBTQ girls. I don't like it that she lied to me about the account and I don't like it that she's posting stuff in a public forum that is available to Google, the Chinese government. Etc. I told her I was going to delete her account. She cried (about getting caught mostly, I think) and told me to go ahead and delete it. I made her talk to me about it. She said it had given her a sense of community during the quarantine (she had also gotten Snapchat and Instagram--she told me these were just to exchange messages with friends, but there are tons of people she doesn't know that she is connected with). She told me she should have known she would get caught because I always snoop through everything. I told her no, I never snoop through her journals or sketch books or personal computer, but social media is public.

She had come out to us earlier in the summer as Ace (asexual). I don't want to squash her, and I didn't tell her I had looked at any of the content of her account. It's possible that I wouldn't feel so strongly if it were just kittens she was posting. But I do think since she's only 13 she shouldn't be posting things to social media that she wouldn't want her parents to see.

Am I wrong?

I'm about to delete her account.

I could, alternatively, make the privacy and security settings stronger. She says she sets a timer and is not on any more than 45 minutes a day. But I don't think it's a great influence. I just saw the documentary The Social Problem, about the huge increase in suicides among girls since social media became a major past-time. All this obsession with image, and what strangers will say about you. I really want to delete the account, at least the Tiktok. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

I'd delete the account but you have to be careful she does't open another one.

[Anonymous]

How on Earth does a 13-year-old 'come out as an asexual'? Most of them are non-sexual, not asexual, they are 13, for crying out loud!
Ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

It’s almost cool to be in the in crowds to be LGBTQ

[Anonymous]

I will say that stuff that had a stigma, that you wanted to keep to your yourself and/or your friends when we were kids, does not have a stigma today. The workplaces of these kids ten years into the future are not going to discriminate against kids for tik tocs they posted when they were 13, and won't even really care. Moreover your kid will have evolved since then and the workplace will be more interested in who that person is.

I just don't think it's the same issue it used to be ten or twenty years ago. Kids are smarter and society is opening up.

[Anonymous]

Take away her phone. What is with parents nowadays.

She can only have her phone tightly supervised. You want another Claudia Conway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s almost cool to be in the in crowds to be LGBTQ

Almost? It is cool

[Anonymous]

I would delete her TikTok for the sole reason she shouldn’t be on TikTok period. It’s not safe and it’s not appropriate. Did you hear about the viral suicide video released last month? Her creating content is also concerning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s almost cool to be in the in crowds to be LGBTQ

Almost? It is cool

+1 It's also a forum for experimenting that is developmentally normal.

[Anonymous]

4 of my close friend's kids have come out since quarantine. 2 I think it is a cool phase and 2 I think legit are gay.

As a lesbian who struggled mightily in the 80s/90s, I am equal parts impressed and jealous how easy it is for many of these kids (I know there are a lot of kids who don't have it as easy...but I didn't know a single out person when I was growing up.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take away her phone. What is with parents nowadays.

She can only have her phone tightly supervised. You want another Claudia Conway?

I would love for my daughter to be Claudia Conway, her parents are her problem.

[Anonymous]

I'd have an issue with the lying and posting ANYTHING verging on sexual/orientation as she is a child. I'd want her to know that I feel 'stuck' as I don't want her thinking we don't accept her, but it's not ok to post that as a minor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take away her phone. What is with parents nowadays.

She can only have her phone tightly supervised. You want another Claudia Conway?

I would love for my daughter to be Claudia Conway, her parents are her problem.

A wealthy entitled brat? That whole family is a problem....except Claudoa’s twin who is smart enough to eschew social media.

[Anonymous]

Watch Social Media with your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How on Earth does a 13-year-old 'come out as an asexual'? Most of them are non-sexual, not asexual, they are 13, for crying out loud!
Ridiculous.

exactly.