How should ds handle this....a poll

[Anonymous]

Ds is 7 and has been picked on a couple of times by another kid in the activity they do a few times a week and have been doing since they were 5. The other kid has anxiety and sometimes makes mean remarks to others as a coping mechanism. I'm friends with the kids parents. They are working on it. Anyways, the last time ds was picked on, he told the kid to stop and when they didn't, ds went to their mom after the activity to explain the situation and ask that she say something to her kid about it.
Now spouse and I disagree over whether this was the right thing to do

Spouse 1 has never experienced bullying and was always well liked in schools. they think ds handled it great. He told her to stop, she didn't, he moved away from her, she continued, so ds went to the parent to get it resolved.

Spouse 2 was horribly bullied in elementary school and is a little jaded about some things because of it. Spouse 2 thinks that tattling to the mom will only make DS a target for the other kids.

So what say DCUM? Which spouse do you agree with?

[Anonymous]

Spouse 1. Being bullied is not okay. Seeking help from a grownup is the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Spouse 1. Having anxiety is NOT an excuse for treating others like shit. Everyone seems to excuse everything these days claiming their kid has anxiety. You know what? Being a person is hard sometimes - teach your kids some fortitude.

Before anxiety it was Aspergers, before that it was ADHD, etc.

[Anonymous]

Your kid advocated for himself. That is a huge deal! Sadly, the bully kid will keep doing it. Your dc shouldn't have to petition some little shit's mom to make the bullying stop. If parents can't change the behavior, you need to take it to the next level (whomever is in charge of the activity). Seriously. Make it stop, for your child's sake.

[Anonymous]

Agree with spouse 1 and impressed by DS. It may or may not help, but it was a good move since you won’t know unless you try.

[Anonymous]

Spouse 1 for sure especially given the young age. BUT then also talk it out/review with kid. Think of other incidents, role play, etc. Because there is a line that they will need to learn to understand between tattling and going to an authority. I agree that this model does not work at every age and every level of incident. It's not one incident, it's a learning experience.

[Anonymous]

Spouse 1. And I’m also super impressed with your child for advocating for himself!!

[Anonymous]

Spouse 1 all the way. Reporting bullying is not 'tattling'. That's a dangerous slope OP. You need to tell kids to be open and free to share their problems with you, by labeling that as tattling, you are teaching them to not trust you with their feelings. It's never wrong to stand up for yourself. Be proud of the kid for self-advocating.

[Anonymous]

Spouse 1. At age 7, many kids will talk to their teachers about the behavior of other kids. I don't think your son will become a target for the other kids because he spoke to the mom.

I was bullied as a kid and wish I had spoken to a teacher about it instead of trying to handle the situation on my own.

[Anonymous]

Spouse 1 - to young to worry about tattling...they all do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse 1 - to young to worry about tattling...they all do it.

No. By 7 my kids know not to tell on anyone unless what they are doing wrong directly affects them (like in this case). So if my kid sees another kid playing with a toy or drawing when they should be working on math they don't say anything.

[Anonymous]

What great character strength to show restraint by your kid OP!
That is great he sought help from a grown up.

What exactly does Spouse 2 think his/her 7 yr old should have done if not seek help from a grown-up especially since the 7yr old asked the bully to stop?
And this isn't the 1st time your kid has been bullied, right?

You clearly aren't advocating for your own kid. Shame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What great character strength to show restraint by your kid OP!
That is great he sought help from a grown up.

What exactly does Spouse 2 think his/her 7 yr old should have done if not seek help from a grown-up especially since the 7yr old asked the bully to stop?
And this isn't the 1st time your kid has been bullied, right?

You clearly aren't advocating for your own kid. Shame.

Dp. My kid was bullied at this age and it still stings years later. This is with my having done everything you can think of to make it stop. Ultimately, the bully picked on the wrong kid, whose influential parents saw that the bully was expelled. This is an extracurricular, not even actual school. You have options here to end this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What great character strength to show restraint by your kid OP!
That is great he sought help from a grown up.

What exactly does Spouse 2 think his/her 7 yr old should have done if not seek help from a grown-up especially since the 7yr old asked the bully to stop?
And this isn't the 1st time your kid has been bullied, right?

You clearly aren't advocating for your own kid. Shame.

+1

This is exactly what I teach my kid -- advocate for yourself, but if that doesn't work, get a grownup. Kids can't be expected to handle all this stuff entirely on their own. Speaking up on their own, trying to avoid the kid, but then seeking help if that doesn't work, is a totally reasonable strategy. And not at all the same as tattling. Tattling is trying to get someone in trouble; this was trying to get the situation resolved.

[Anonymous]

Spouse 1. Your kid advocated for himself! That's awesome.