Help! I don't know how to date

[Anonymous]

I'm a newly divorced 40 year old woman. I haven't been in the dating pool for 15 years, and I have no idea what I'm doing. So much has changed since I last dated. Texting was barely a thing back then, lol. I'm physically attractive and get a lot of attention on apps. However, after initial chit chat I just don't know what I'm doing. What are common red flags to look out for in the beginning? I'm not looking for anything super serious. I also don't want just casual sex. How do I stay clear of guys who just want sex, but also not come off as a prude to someone who might want a little more?

[Anonymous]

Keep your legs closed on the first date. Don't talk about sex (online) before meeting as that will set the tone.

[Anonymous]

If a guy doesn't want "just casual sex", there is something wrong with him.

Every man that ever walked the earth wants "just casual sex". You need to consider if he also wants something more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep your legs closed on the first date. Don't talk about sex (online) before meeting as that will set the tone.

Thanks. So if a guy talks sex before meeting, should I just assume he just wants sex? Do I divert the convo? Or I should probably not even go out with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep your legs closed on the first date. Don't talk about sex (online) before meeting as that will set the tone.

Thanks. So if a guy talks sex before meeting, should I just assume he just wants sex? Do I divert the convo? Or I should probably not even go out with him?

As a guy, I would not bring up sex with someone I had never met. Nor would I expect sex on date XYZ. If you things happen naturally to that point they do. The only initially expectations should be safety, human decency and respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep your legs closed on the first date. Don't talk about sex (online) before meeting as that will set the tone.

Thanks. So if a guy talks sex before meeting, should I just assume he just wants sex? Do I divert the convo? Or I should probably not even go out with him?

I (who has also been out of circulation) would consider this a red flag (and likely indicator of STI risk!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep your legs closed on the first date. Don't talk about sex (online) before meeting as that will set the tone.

Thanks. So if a guy talks sex before meeting, should I just assume he just wants sex? Do I divert the convo? Or I should probably not even go out with him?

I wouldn’t go out with someone who is that aggressive about sex (and yes, it is aggressive to bring it up before you’ve even met the person - it’s online dating, not a sex chat hotline). I steered away from those guys when I was single and online dating, met and married a wonderful man with whom I have a great sex life, and don’t regret being selective.

[Anonymous]

Don't use the word "casual" in explaining what you want. That is key for "casual sex" like fwb.

Make sure that the guy is not married or in a relationship. And ask the guy "Does anyone THINK they're in a relationship with you?" If they hesitate, the answer is YES.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep your legs closed on the first date. Don't talk about sex (online) before meeting as that will set the tone.

Thanks. So if a guy talks sex before meeting, should I just assume he just wants sex? Do I divert the convo? Or I should probably not even go out with him?

I wouldn’t go out with someone who is that aggressive about sex (and yes, it is aggressive to bring it up before you’ve even met the person - it’s online dating, not a sex chat hotline). I steered away from those guys when I was single and online dating, met and married a wonderful man with whom I have a great sex life, and don’t regret being selective.

Why is it aggressive? The apps are not "LTR seekers only", if you're on there for NSA casual sex it seems logical that it would be the predominant topic of conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep your legs closed on the first date. Don't talk about sex (online) before meeting as that will set the tone.

Thanks. So if a guy talks sex before meeting, should I just assume he just wants sex? Do I divert the convo? Or I should probably not even go out with him?

I wouldn’t go out with someone who is that aggressive about sex (and yes, it is aggressive to bring it up before you’ve even met the person - it’s online dating, not a sex chat hotline). I steered away from those guys when I was single and online dating, met and married a wonderful man with whom I have a great sex life, and don’t regret being selective.

Why is it aggressive? The apps are not "LTR seekers only", if you're on there for NSA casual sex it seems logical that it would be the predominant topic of conversation.

If you're on there for NSA casual sex, you'd probably be perfectly happy not to waste your time on people who don't. So it's a win-win if people who don't want NSA casual sex ignore messages from people who are specifically looking for it.

[Anonymous]

honestly I think the best thing to do is to figure out whether there's potential and then set a quick coffee date or drink. DO NOT do endless text and chatting and do not have too much build up. half those guys are married or trying to figure out if you are up for a fwb/ons. The people who want to be in a relationship (even if not serious at this point) or even companionship will be willing to meet.

figure you will go on several coffee or date drinks a week, keep them short unless there's chemistry and interest. If you're not interested, pay half the tab (I always kept 20$s on me dating), say thank you and be clear if there's follow up that you're not interested "THanks! It was lovely to meet you and learn more about you; however I dont sense a romantic connection. Best of luck!"

doing this you will weed out creeps and marrieds and then you just have to find someone who you like enough to stay for a second drink or grab dinner.

as for what to say: be honest . "Recently divorced so looking primarily for companionship. Not interested in jumping into a serious LTR or one night stands."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:honestly I think the best thing to do is to figure out whether there's potential and then set a quick coffee date or drink. DO NOT do endless text and chatting and do not have too much build up. half those guys are married or trying to figure out if you are up for a fwb/ons. The people who want to be in a relationship (even if not serious at this point) or even companionship will be willing to meet.

figure you will go on several coffee or date drinks a week, keep them short unless there's chemistry and interest. If you're not interested, pay half the tab (I always kept 20$s on me dating), say thank you and be clear if there's follow up that you're not interested "THanks! It was lovely to meet you and learn more about you; however I dont sense a romantic connection. Best of luck!"

doing this you will weed out creeps and marrieds and then you just have to find someone who you like enough to stay for a second drink or grab dinner.

as for what to say: be honest . "Recently divorced so looking primarily for companionship. Not interested in jumping into a serious LTR or one night stands."

Is it generally acceptable as the woman to offer a coffee date? Or do I need to wait for the man to offer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:honestly I think the best thing to do is to figure out whether there's potential and then set a quick coffee date or drink. DO NOT do endless text and chatting and do not have too much build up. half those guys are married or trying to figure out if you are up for a fwb/ons. The people who want to be in a relationship (even if not serious at this point) or even companionship will be willing to meet.

figure you will go on several coffee or date drinks a week, keep them short unless there's chemistry and interest. If you're not interested, pay half the tab (I always kept 20$s on me dating), say thank you and be clear if there's follow up that you're not interested "THanks! It was lovely to meet you and learn more about you; however I dont sense a romantic connection. Best of luck!"

doing this you will weed out creeps and marrieds and then you just have to find someone who you like enough to stay for a second drink or grab dinner.

as for what to say: be honest . "Recently divorced so looking primarily for companionship. Not interested in jumping into a serious LTR or one night stands."

Is it generally acceptable as the woman to offer a coffee date? Or do I need to wait for the man to offer?

You're a modern woman! Ask for what you want!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:honestly I think the best thing to do is to figure out whether there's potential and then set a quick coffee date or drink. DO NOT do endless text and chatting and do not have too much build up. half those guys are married or trying to figure out if you are up for a fwb/ons. The people who want to be in a relationship (even if not serious at this point) or even companionship will be willing to meet.

figure you will go on several coffee or date drinks a week, keep them short unless there's chemistry and interest. If you're not interested, pay half the tab (I always kept 20$s on me dating), say thank you and be clear if there's follow up that you're not interested "THanks! It was lovely to meet you and learn more about you; however I dont sense a romantic connection. Best of luck!"

doing this you will weed out creeps and marrieds and then you just have to find someone who you like enough to stay for a second drink or grab dinner.

as for what to say: be honest . "Recently divorced so looking primarily for companionship. Not interested in jumping into a serious LTR or one night stands."

Is it generally acceptable as the woman to offer a coffee date? Or do I need to wait for the man to offer?

You're a modern woman! Ask for what you want!!

No, Op. Don't do that, unless you're desperate. Which you're not. They will ask you, be patient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:honestly I think the best thing to do is to figure out whether there's potential and then set a quick coffee date or drink. DO NOT do endless text and chatting and do not have too much build up. half those guys are married or trying to figure out if you are up for a fwb/ons. The people who want to be in a relationship (even if not serious at this point) or even companionship will be willing to meet.

figure you will go on several coffee or date drinks a week, keep them short unless there's chemistry and interest. If you're not interested, pay half the tab (I always kept 20$s on me dating), say thank you and be clear if there's follow up that you're not interested "THanks! It was lovely to meet you and learn more about you; however I dont sense a romantic connection. Best of luck!"

doing this you will weed out creeps and marrieds and then you just have to find someone who you like enough to stay for a second drink or grab dinner.

as for what to say: be honest . "Recently divorced so looking primarily for companionship. Not interested in jumping into a serious LTR or one night stands."

Is it generally acceptable as the woman to offer a coffee date? Or do I need to wait for the man to offer?

You're a modern woman! Ask for what you want!!

No, Op. Don't do that, unless you're desperate. Which you're not. They will ask you, be patient.

Oh stop! You get 0% of what you don't ask for. Take charge of your life and ask for what you want. Stop waiting for life to happen to you and make life happen.