How do you explain to a 17 year old they won’t be an adult at 18?

[Anonymous]

If they think they will become an adult at 18 and do whatever they want.

[Anonymous]

Well, they are right. Can’t drink, but aside from that, full adulthood. You are also an adult so can chose how you react to their boneheadedness, like stopping paying for phone/car/internet/college or kicking them out of the house. I think you would fare better by agreeing he is indeed an adult, and has new freedoms and responsibilities. And coming to some agreement of what those are, and what you will do if he abuses your trust/kindness/home.

[Anonymous]

Huh? They are an adult and will be treated as such if they decide to "do whatever they want."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they think they will become an adult at 18 and do whatever they want.

Depends on the context of the conversation.

[Anonymous]

First you choose better words. They are an adult at 18. That’s not something you as a parent get to bestow on your kids. What I guess you’re speaking about is certain privileges. If they want to behave in a certain way that conflicts with your values (eg no drugs in your house/vehicles) or lifestyle (eg 11pm curfew because you start work everyday at 7am), then you explain to them that if they make certain choices there are consequences. And lay out those consequences.

[Anonymous]

18 they legally are an adult. But this sounds more like them needing to understanding that with adulthood comes responsibility, accountability, and the need for financial stability. If they’ve got all that then they are an Independent adult. If not, they are a dependent that needs to understand boundaries and rules.

[Anonymous]

They are legally an adult and can do what they want, however if they are living in your home and you are paying for everything, they need to live by your rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they think they will become an adult at 18 and do whatever they want.

Depends on the context of the conversation.

This. When someone else is paying all your bills, you’re not as free as you’d like to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are legally an adult and can do what they want, however if they are living in your home and you are paying for everything, they need to live by your rules.

This. They don’t get the full privileges of being an adult unless they are supporting themselves as if they are adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, they are right. Can’t drink, but aside from that, full adulthood. You are also an adult so can chose how you react to their boneheadedness, like stopping paying for phone/car/internet/college or kicking them out of the house. I think you would fare better by agreeing he is indeed an adult, and has new freedoms and responsibilities. And coming to some agreement of what those are, and what you will do if he abuses your trust/kindness/home.

OP here. They won’t be allowed to move out at 18 or go wherever or whenever they want. That’s the point of this thread.

[Anonymous]

Others do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, they are right. Can’t drink, but aside from that, full adulthood. You are also an adult so can chose how you react to their boneheadedness, like stopping paying for phone/car/internet/college or kicking them out of the house. I think you would fare better by agreeing he is indeed an adult, and has new freedoms and responsibilities. And coming to some agreement of what those are, and what you will do if he abuses your trust/kindness/home.

OP here. They won’t be allowed to move out at 18 or go wherever or whenever they want. That’s the point of this thread.

You cannot prevent that. You don’t have to financially support them anymore, but they can absolutely move out if they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, they are right. Can’t drink, but aside from that, full adulthood. You are also an adult so can chose how you react to their boneheadedness, like stopping paying for phone/car/internet/college or kicking them out of the house. I think you would fare better by agreeing he is indeed an adult, and has new freedoms and responsibilities. And coming to some agreement of what those are, and what you will do if he abuses your trust/kindness/home.

OP here. They won’t be allowed to move out at 18 or go wherever or whenever they want. That’s the point of this thread.

You cannot stop them from moving out, but usually a lack of financial independence prevents it. My brother is 20 and my mom went through hell with this stuff, but once he got a taste of actually paying for his own life he did come to appreciate that facts limited him where the law didn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, they are right. Can’t drink, but aside from that, full adulthood. You are also an adult so can chose how you react to their boneheadedness, like stopping paying for phone/car/internet/college or kicking them out of the house. I think you would fare better by agreeing he is indeed an adult, and has new freedoms and responsibilities. And coming to some agreement of what those are, and what you will do if he abuses your trust/kindness/home.

OP here. They won’t be allowed to move out at 18 or go wherever or whenever they want. That’s the point of this thread.

Here’s the thing - you can’t stop them. They are adults. To hold them against their will is illegal. Not the way you should desire your relationship with your adult child.
My brother dropped out of high school on his 18th birthday to get away from our controlling parents. Got a job at Walmart, married to high school sweetheart by justice of peace, got an apartment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Well, they are right. Can’t drink, but aside from that, full adulthood. You are also an adult so can chose how you react to their boneheadedness, like stopping paying for phone/car/internet/college or kicking them out of the house. I think you would fare better by agreeing he is indeed an adult, and has new freedoms and responsibilities. And coming to some agreement of what those are, and what you will do if he abuses your trust/kindness/home.


OP here. They won’t be allowed to move out at 18 or go wherever or whenever they want. That’s the point of this thread.

BTDT, OP. You don't phrase it as "you aren't allowed to move out." Instead you phrase it as suggested by the PP: "Of course, honey. In the eyes of the law you are an adult. As such, you are perfectly free to move out of this house and go wherever you would like. Of course, since in the eyes of the laws you are an adult, I am also not obligated to provide you with any financial support whatsoever. So if you would continue to enjoy that financial support--then you need to follow the rules that come with it."