How long How long does it REALLY take to recover from losing a much loved family member?
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Anonymous
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Five months ago my husband of 25 years suddenly and with no warning committed suicide. My daughter who is 19 found him handing from a rafter after we casually were looking for him to give him some coffee. The following hours days and weeks were a nightmare. Now we are all trying to recover. My daughter went back to college and alternates between being very sad and very busy.
I had an emergency surgery which gave me space to breathe and mourn in peace. But I am wondering: when or ever will things feel normal again. TIA. Please no need to be mean. |
Anonymous
| I'm so sorry for your loss. What a difficult thing for you and your family to go through. I think it depends on the person. For me, years and I've never gotten over some losses. They were equally tragic as yours. Its ok to continue to grieve and do it at your own pace. Don't go on someone else's timeline. |
Anonymous
| I am so, so sorry. Don't even think about the words "recovery" for a year. Get a grief counselor for yourself and your daughter. |
Anonymous
| Sorry for your Tragic loss. From what I’ve been reading to help cope with the loss of my mother, it appears that you never really “get over” it but just learn to live with the sadness (which dumps over time). |
Anonymous
m Ugh, dulls over time (autocorrect). |
Anonymous
| I'm so sorry for your terrible loss, which is compounded by the suicide. You and your daughter should both be in therapy to help process your feelings. I was widowed nearly 5 years ago after my husband's battle with cancer, and it took a full year before I felt mostly put back together. But I am still overcome with grief occasionally. |
Anonymous
| I'm so sorry. I don't have experience with a suicide, which is probably compounding. One of my parents had a sudden heart attack and died alone, instantaneously. I would say it took a year, perhaps a bit more for normal-ish. I think counseling would be beneficial for you and probably your daughter. My surviving parent never really recovered and should have gotten counseling. In some ways, we lost both that day. Please talk to a professional, for the sake of your daughter. |
Anonymous
| Wisest words I ever heard on this subject - “you never get over it, you just get used to it”. The amount of time it takes to get used to it varies from person to person. I’m so sorry for your family’s loss and pain. I’m a big believer in therapy to help people process grief. Hugs. |
Anonymous
| Your daughter needs to be your main concern |
Anonymous
| Definitely talk to someone. Also this website may help: https://modernloss.com/ |
Anonymous
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You're not going to get back to normal. You're going to create a new normal.
It's going to take you time to make peace with the fact that the question of "but WHY?!" won't ever fully be answered to your satisfaction. Eventually, when you think of your husband, you will smile wistfully instead of wanting to cry or yell. I can't say when it will happen, but I can assure you that it will. Five months is a very short amount of time. Generally getting through the first year is difficult because you have to figure out things like how to do the holidays without your loved one, but then you will make new traditions and memories. Hang in there. |
Anonymous
| My friend who also lost a family member to suicide recommends you visit this website: https://allianceofhope.org/our-story/ |
Anonymous
| Grief share groups may help. |
Anonymous
| I am sorry. |
Anonymous
| OP here : My daughter is still so much in shock that she to mix a metaphor doesn’t even realize that we haven’t even stopped the bleeding much less started the healing. I hope that makes sense. It’s a metaphor. |