How long How long does it REALLY take to recover from losing a much loved family member?

[Anonymous]

I facilitate a support group for family members and friends of those who have died by suicide. We have people who attend whose loss was in 2020. We have a man who attends who lost his mother when he was 13. He also was the one to find her. For 45 years he did not want to acknowledge or process that loss. Now he comes to the group and is getting the help he needs, and is helping others. There truly is no timeline for this.

I have thought about initiating a support group on our local university campus because there are many students who have had a family member or friend die by suicide and they might find support with each other.

[Anonymous]

I found grief counseling very helpful after the traumatic loss of a family member. My best wishes to your family during this shocking and difficult time.

[Anonymous]

In March of 2019, my husband of 10 years came into my home office, kissed me and told me he loved me, and walked back out. He was supposed to be heading to the gym so I didn’t think anything of it until about 5 min later when my phone buzzed right as I heard a loud boom. He’d pressed send on his suicide note and pulled the trigger. I have moved, I have quit my job, I have essentially started completely over. It’s been a year and a half and I still spontaneously cry, get mad, or just feel hopeless about the future.

One thing that has helped is that I write to him every day. Sometimes it’s pages and sometimes it’s a single sentence. It’s all the thoughts I had that day that I wanted to tell him but couldn’t. Sometimes it’s me just working through things in my life.

I have also completed a few of our bucket list items. Things like Christmas in Paris, trips to Boston and New York, camping at a certain site at a state park.

Some days I remember him so vividly that I expect to see him when I turn the corner and some days I feel like he’s a very distant memory. I make a point to include some piece of him in every major holiday or event, but those in between times when the world is moving along and my life is sort of on auto-pilot, it’s a very surreal feeling to remember what I went through that day and what my life was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In March of 2019, my husband of 10 years came into my home office, kissed me and told me he loved me, and walked back out. He was supposed to be heading to the gym so I didn’t think anything of it until about 5 min later when my phone buzzed right as I heard a loud boom. He’d pressed send on his suicide note and pulled the trigger. I have moved, I have quit my job, I have essentially started completely over. It’s been a year and a half and I still spontaneously cry, get mad, or just feel hopeless about the future.

One thing that has helped is that I write to him every day. Sometimes it’s pages and sometimes it’s a single sentence. It’s all the thoughts I had that day that I wanted to tell him but couldn’t. Sometimes it’s me just working through things in my life.

I have also completed a few of our bucket list items. Things like Christmas in Paris, trips to Boston and New York, camping at a certain site at a state park.

Some days I remember him so vividly that I expect to see him when I turn the corner and some days I feel like he’s a very distant memory. I make a point to include some piece of him in every major holiday or event, but those in between times when the world is moving along and my life is sort of on auto-pilot, it’s a very surreal feeling to remember what I went through that day and what my life was.

OP same here. I replay that moment when he kindly said I love you and then walked away and did it.

[Anonymous]

I found this helpful to understand grief when I had a stillbirth

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.good.is/amp/best-comment-ever-2639597223

[Anonymous]

A long time. It always shocks even when the death is expected from a long disease or health condition. Accidents and sudden deaths add the shock for being unexpected. Suicide adds another layer to the loss and shock, of anger, disbelief and guilt. It needs a year at least and sometimes longer.