PPD/mental health/ COVID - a trifecta mess

[Anonymous]

The thread on here (https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/919149.page) was very triggering. I feel so bad for this mom. I was 4 weeks postpartum when the quarantine/pandemic started. The next 2 months were the worst 2 months of my life. I was sleep deprived, probably had PPD, had 3 kids at home and my DH who is in big law was working 15 hour days at home. It was horrific. I think my kids learned the word infanticide in March because I seriously had thoughts of killing myself or the baby. I feel so horrible now that I think about this since I cannot imagine my life without the baby now. We are back in a good rhythm now and everybody is doing well but thinking back about those two-three months is so scary. I am afraid I scarred my kids for life. I probably should have been committed and not taking care of a newborn, 3 year old and 5 year old in my mental state. I screamed at my older kids, slammed doors, and was a horrible mom. I didn’t hit them but not sure if that is any consolation.

This period of time in America is going to lead to a lot of mental health problems for a lot of people out there. It is scary to think about.

[Anonymous]

Op, please be gentle on yourself. You haven’t scarred your kids for life. I am so glad that you got help for your ppd. This can happen even if we weren’t in a pandemic. Realize the work isn’t done b/c you need to let the guilt go. Keep up the good work.

[Anonymous]

The only person who failed you was your DH. You were clearly in crisis and close to self harm or other very dangerous behaviors. DH was entitled to take leave — paid or unpaid — to support you. He didn’t. You need to talk through that with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only person who failed you was your DH. You were clearly in crisis and close to self harm or other very dangerous behaviors. DH was entitled to take leave — paid or unpaid — to support you. He didn’t. You need to talk through that with him.

AMEN

If thoughts of infanticide were happening for you, your partner needed to do everything within his power to help you and get you the support you needed. Presumably if he is in big law you all have some resources - it is astonishing that he prioritized his work over the health and welfare of his partner and children.

[Anonymous]

To be honest DH never knew how bad it was because I didn’t communicate with him. Also I am a SAHM and he was scared about losing his job which would have been another huge stress on us. It was a hard period with no outside help, family help or even just support. Op here.

[Anonymous]

Kids are resilient. Once your life is back in a good place, they move on. This was a blip. But, I agree with you about Covid being a breeding ground for mental health issues. I have a child with serious mental illness and the first three months of shut down were pure unadulterated hell in my life. I can't even look back because it reminds me that I didn't think we were going to come out of it alive and I am not exaggerating. I am glad you are doing better.

[Anonymous]

These are hard times and this board has too many people that are quick to judge. Just yesterday there was a post from a mom about 3 kids under 5 and living in total social isolation and the posters there were telling her to get over it and not think about socializing essentially telling her that she was being selfish if she put her mental health first. The whole pandemic and the resulting social distancing and fear is taking a huge toll on everybody's health. This is a good reminder to be gentle to yourselves and to others in real life and on the internet.'

Virtual hugs to you OP. I am glad you are feeling better now. It's hard, especially you know that the DH himself is under stress, but try to be more open with him, starting from small things and not waiting for it to ball up into something life-altering.

[Anonymous]

Hugs, OP. I had my second DD back in May and have been dealing with similar issues. PPD combined with WFH, isolation from family and friends due to the pandemic, and managing a baby and a preschooler is a nightmare. Thankfully, my kids are thriving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be honest DH never knew how bad it was because I didn’t communicate with him. Also I am a SAHM and he was scared about losing his job which would have been another huge stress on us. It was a hard period with no outside help, family help or even just support. Op here.

Just commiserating with you. When I had my second child I had horrendous ppd and anxiety. I was a stay at home mom at the time and felt like I had completely let me husband down bc I could not manage it all. I would never in a million years have told him just how bad I was feeling. The depression and anxiety clouds your brain so much that it’s really hard to reach out, or frankly even to recognize how badly you need help.

[Anonymous]

This doesn’t make much sense. Your 3 and 5 year olds were tossing around the word “infanticide” and your DH was completely oblivious to your mental state??

[Anonymous]

Another post of support to you all out there. I have a pandemic baby too. FTM so no other kids but it’s still really hard. I’m back at work (from home) now, but it’s stressful and I already feel like I’m failing at work. As others have said, kids are resilient. You were doing your best. Tell them and show them you love them. The pandemic will end at some point.