Colleague/close friend using me to climb positions at work
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Anonymous
| I referred an acquaintance from my alumni association for a position in my company.m and she got the position about 2 years ago. We were not only close in the office, but close outside of the office in the past two years. We go for lunch several times a week. Our families even rented a house when we traveled cross country for a weeklong work event. I started to hear from others in our office she didn’t speak highly of me. She has a tendency to be negative about certain people. All of our experience working together has been fine with no professional issues. We work in different departments but have almost identical roles. We are opening a new division and spots on this team are highly coveted. There are two management positions on the team that work closely together. I had been told by my boss that I was in consideration for one of them which I shared with her. This person has made it known through the company she desired the other management position. We would both be managing small teams of under 5. I ended up getting an offer and inquired who they expected to fill the other position with and was told that no one has been selected yet. I later found out from a colleague that she cornered my boss and said she wanted the position but specifically would not work with me and felt she was the best fit. I think she felt they would give it to her and consider someone else for the role I received an offer for. They actually didn’t pursue interviewing her after this conversation and are looking. Would you mention to her you knew she did this? It seemed to backfire but I want to keep distance now. |
Anonymous
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This is a case where you stone cold drop someone and are completely polite, professional and curt going forward.
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Anonymous
| I would not mention it to her and I would distance myself from her. If she mentions it to you and wonders why she didn't get the other position just say you don't know and that she should ask the person who interviewed her or someone in HR. |
Anonymous
| She doesn't sound like a 'close friend' to me. Wow. |
Anonymous
| No way would I tell her that you know this. Just be polite and distant. If she says anything to you about the job just say that you don't know anything about the selection process, she'll need to talk to HR. |
Anonymous
| Do NOT tell her and stay far far away. |
Anonymous
| Stop all contact. No more lunches, no more family get togethers and know she's a back stabber. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn’t say anything but I’d also be wondering how reliable the source was. You say this is a good friend—maybe someone is jealous of your friendship and trying to stir up trouble by telling you something untrue or only partially true. |
Anonymous
+1 She is actually trying to sabotage and hurt you. You cannot trust her. She is not a friend. It’s definitely backfiring in your workplace and I would just drop all social interactions with her. If she asks why, you tell her, without any drama. Keep your distance. |
Anonymous
Just to add - it might make sense not to tell her at all. You don’t want any drama with her or extended personal interaction. Just be polite and distance yourself. And the friendship is over. |
Anonymous
| Absolutely keep your polite distance from her and say nothing about the job. People like this tend to go down in flames, and when they do, they try to drag anyone they can down with them. You don't want to be associated with her from here on out. |
Anonymous
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It sounds like multiple people have alerted you that this person speaks badly of you. Believe them.
Do not confront her. From now on you are polite and distant. No more lunches or family gatherings. If she tries to talk to you about “what changed?” you say you have no idea what she’s talking about. I wouldn’t trust her enough to have a conversation about it. Friendship is over. |
Anonymous
| Say nothing about the hiring - not your place at all and it will only seem like gloating. Keep a tight lip since you know you can't trust her, but remain outwardly friendly because you also know she runs her mouth and could damage your reputation. Give her nothing to speak badly of you about. Remember that not everyone knows you and they may hear her tales first and pre-judge you. Eventually everyone will see her for her true colors, but don't let her take you down with her. Remain highly professional and enjoy your new position. |
Anonymous
| Be cordial but keep her at a distance. If she feels the freeze and wants to know why, tell her the truth. But only do this if you are the unflappable sort who can deliver the message without emotion/anger/tears. Otherwise, there is no point. I'd feel a need to let her know she was caught so that she shuts up, going forward, otherwise you never know if her words will catch the wrong/right ear and find purchase, impacting you negatively. |
Anonymous
+1 And I would be polite when I saw her socially but no more vacations/lunch/etc. |