How to get DH from being so negative?

[Anonymous]

I say I finally got caught up on my sleep last night! (Got 10hrs after a week of little sleep).

DH: you know the risk of heart attacks go up if you sleep too much. Like more than 8hrs.

I finish a half marathon at age 48.

DH: why do you run those? What do you get out of it? You know you really should be doing other kinds of exercise if you want to be healthier.

I say I want to take some courses and get a certificate or degree.

DH: Why do you want to do that? Can’t you just get the same benefit from reading the books?

What is this.... is he depressed or something? Debbie downer? Just clueless? Or is it trying to cut me down on purpose?

And how would you suggest I change it?

[Anonymous]

Is this new behavior? Or had he always been this way and you’re just started to get annoyed by his antagonist views?

You can’t change him.

[Anonymous]

My H is like that, right down to telling me what workouts I should do. I think it’s just an entitled male thing. My H has literally told me he knows more than most people so we should all listen to him.

I don’t engage with it. If he asks “why are you doing that?” I just reply that I enjoy it. If he tells me to do something else, I reply “I’m going to continue doing what I enjoy”.

It launched a couple big fights when I first started doing this (“you’re being mean! Why can’t you be nice and at least listen?”) but his advice has slowed way down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this new behavior? Or had he always been this way and you’re just started to get annoyed by his antagonist views?

You can’t change him.

He’s always been that way and it has always bothered me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My H is like that, right down to telling me what workouts I should do. I think it’s just an entitled male thing. My H has literally told me he knows more than most people so we should all listen to him.

I don’t engage with it. If he asks “why are you doing that?” I just reply that I enjoy it. If he tells me to do something else, I reply “I’m going to continue doing what I enjoy”.

It launched a couple big fights when I first started doing this (“you’re being mean! Why can’t you be nice and at least listen?”) but his advice has slowed way down.

This is kind of what I do now. I ignore his comments. But it still gets under my skin. Maybe I’d feel better if I just said something in response like you’ve done.

Also it makes me a little sad and jealous when I see my friends’ husbands being so supportive of their wives.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he wants more of your time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he wants more of your time.

He might possibly want more of my time in the sense that he wants me to do more for him. But not in the sense that he wants to spend more quality time with me. Otherwise he would not spend hours every night on his computer on his hobby. We all need our own time, but he seems resentful when I do it.

[Anonymous]

Just stop talking to him about things you do or did. If he's always been like this he most likely won't change so spare yourself the frustration and stop talking to him about it. If he asks what are your plans? Oh nothing your interested in and leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

I say I finally got caught up on my sleep last night! (Got 10hrs after a week of little sleep).

DH: you know the risk of heart attacks go up if you sleep too much. Like more than 8hrs.

He’s a moron. I know exactly the research he’s talking about, and that is not what it means.

If he won’t see a counselor with you to talk about communication, you should see one alone to practice how to respond.

[Anonymous]

Some people just enjoy being contrary and think they’re always right. I don’t think he’s trying to hurt you or annoy you on purpose, even if that is the outcome.

[Anonymous]

Wow, sounds like a great 📣 cheerleader 📣.

Not really.

He likely is either jealous of you or is suffering from clinical depression.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been accused of having a personality similar to your husbands. My nicknames have been fun sponge and Debbie downer. But to be honest I don’t even realize that what I’m saying is perceived as negative. But it bothers others. They want perpetual sunshine and I bring a rainy cloud. For me I just have a vigilant personality that worries a lot so my statements are basically me expressing a worry or an observation. for instance I’ll walk out and say it’s not very sunny today. Apparently that’s a downer. Your husband may not even realize that this bothers you. You need to speak to him about it and maybe say honey I need a little more sunshine today could you rephrase that comment into something positive? In some ways I resent having to always be a ray of sunshine and not being able to be myself but you do have to at least be conscious that others may only want to hear positive comments. But you need to talk it through with your partner.

[Anonymous]

PP Also unfortunately it’s very hard to change the negative thoughts and comments into positive. It’s hard work. Be patient. He’s probably not doing it on purpose he just has developed this habit and thought process.

[Anonymous]

I say I want to take some courses and get a certificate or degree --- well at least with this example, don't discuss it. First of all you haven't done it yet, so no congratulations. Second knowing he might answer strangely, just do it. Sign up, attend. Do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My H is like that, right down to telling me what workouts I should do. I think it’s just an entitled male thing. My H has literally told me he knows more than most people so we should all listen to him.

I don’t engage with it. If he asks “why are you doing that?” I just reply that I enjoy it. If he tells me to do something else, I reply “I’m going to continue doing what I enjoy”.

It launched a couple big fights when I first started doing this (“you’re being mean! Why can’t you be nice and at least listen?”) but his advice has slowed way down.

Are we married to the same man? Down to the “I know more than most people...”

I get grief on the TV shows I watch, the magazines I read, etc.

I agree on not engaging. “Because I enjoy it!” is the perfect response. It is hard, there’s times I still defend myself/my choices. But I’m trying!