I have everything I ever wanted except romantic love

[Anonymous]

I have everything I ever wanted - good education, good health, nice/healthy children, a nice house, no debt (except a manageable mortgage), a good job, passion for what I do, hobbies, interests, friends. The only thing that lacks in my life is romantic love. Been married for a while to the same guy - we just don't love each other. Married because we thought it was the right thing to do but we aren't even friends. We don't see eye to eye on anything. We fight and it's ugly so we just don't interact anymore.

Is romantic love worth uprooting the rest of my life? Not sure I'd even find it - I'm 44. Or should I be happy with the rest of my life and wish for romantic love in my next life?

[Anonymous]

Romance fades. I’d aim for mutual respect and support and great companionship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have everything I ever wanted - good education, good health, nice/healthy children, a nice house, no debt (except a manageable mortgage), a good job, passion for what I do, hobbies, interests, friends. The only thing that lacks in my life is romantic love. Been married for a while to the same guy - we just don't love each other. Married because we thought it was the right thing to do but we aren't even friends. We don't see eye to eye on anything. We fight and it's ugly so we just don't interact anymore.

Is romantic love worth uprooting the rest of my life? Not sure I'd even find it - I'm 44. Or should I be happy with the rest of my life and wish for romantic love in my next life?

DH here, 51, in the same position for the most part. I go back and forth. My biggest reason for staying is the family unit. My kids (young adults) are happy, and we do the family thing really well. My greatest fear is not only the family falling apart, but also the effect it would have in the kids. Life's hard enough to navigate without having your base, your foundation suddenly crumble. So every day is an exercise in trying to feel better about never having someone that I truly connect with. I love and care about my wife. She's a good person, and a great mother. But there is nothing between us, and no amount of date nights or spicy things up will make a difference (I've tried). Some days it's fine. Others it's crushing. Not really an answer to your question, OP, but just know there are other people out there going through the same thing. Would you find it? I'm certain you would. But like most everything in life it would likely come with a cost.

[Anonymous]

OP, your marriage/family dynamics don’t look healthy, just know that your children will learn from you that this is normal and will probably replicate it in their future relationships as you probably learned from your parents/ church/etc that it’s okay to live in an unhappy situation at home. It doesn’t have to be this way. Nobody can predict if you find romantic love or good partner but if you don’t leave your present situation than you will never find this happy relationship. Anything worthwhile btw requires taking a risk and taking action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have everything I ever wanted - good education, good health, nice/healthy children, a nice house, no debt (except a manageable mortgage), a good job, passion for what I do, hobbies, interests, friends. The only thing that lacks in my life is romantic love. Been married for a while to the same guy - we just don't love each other. Married because we thought it was the right thing to do but we aren't even friends. We don't see eye to eye on anything. We fight and it's ugly so we just don't interact anymore.

Is romantic love worth uprooting the rest of my life? Not sure I'd even find it - I'm 44. Or should I be happy with the rest of my life and wish for romantic love in my next life?

Have you explored counseling/therapy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have everything I ever wanted - good education, good health, nice/healthy children, a nice house, no debt (except a manageable mortgage), a good job, passion for what I do, hobbies, interests, friends. The only thing that lacks in my life is romantic love. Been married for a while to the same guy - we just don't love each other. Married because we thought it was the right thing to do but we aren't even friends. We don't see eye to eye on anything. We fight and it's ugly so we just don't interact anymore.

Is romantic love worth uprooting the rest of my life? Not sure I'd even find it - I'm 44. Or should I be happy with the rest of my life and wish for romantic love in my next life?

Have you explored counseling/therapy?

Yes I was in therapy prior to lockdown. The therapist encouraged me to voice my concerns and think about separating. Things were actually worse in January/February than they are now but I'm finally facing the music.

[Anonymous]

Try to improve your marriage don’t fantasies about romance at
this age.

[Anonymous]

I have to say OP if you've not "experienced romantic love" then that's about you, mostly. At 44 you're not going to find it anywhere else.

Make the best of what you have and be a better parent / partner in the family you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have everything I ever wanted - good education, good health, nice/healthy children, a nice house, no debt (except a manageable mortgage), a good job, passion for what I do, hobbies, interests, friends. The only thing that lacks in my life is romantic love. Been married for a while to the same guy - we just don't love each other. Married because we thought it was the right thing to do but we aren't even friends. We don't see eye to eye on anything. We fight and it's ugly so we just don't interact anymore.

Is romantic love worth uprooting the rest of my life? Not sure I'd even find it - I'm 44. Or should I be happy with the rest of my life and wish for romantic love in my next life?

What did you see in him that made you marry him?

[Anonymous]

OP, at 44 you sound more like an immature teenager

Get your sh*t together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, at 44 you sound more like an immature teenager

Get your sh*t together.

I see this stupid sh@t from so many men and women having midlife crisis.

Many had it in spades with their spouses in the early years. Unwilling to do any work and delusional about lifelong love.

Use RBG’s marriage as your model. Not Harlequain romance or Ashley Madison taglines.

Pathetic

[Anonymous]

I’m also happy and driven in my career.
Two years ago I fell in love with a client. It was totally out of the blue as I’d never cheat but my feelings for him and were and still are so real. I eventually moved away from the engagement as it was so emotional for me.
I guess my point is to be happy, live your life, see if you meet a man who’s a good fit for you as you work through the mundane relationship you’re in now.

Good luck. I would prefer to be alone than to be in the we of relationship

[Anonymous]

Go see a therapist.

[Anonymous]

What did you see in him that made you marry him?

Yes, what did you see in him when you were dating? What do you fight about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m also happy and driven in my career.
Two years ago I fell in love with a client. It was totally out of the blue as I’d never cheat but my feelings for him and were and still are so real. I eventually moved away from the engagement as it was so emotional for me.
I guess my point is to be happy, live your life, see if you meet a man who’s a good fit for you as you work through the mundane relationship you’re in now.

Good luck. I would prefer to be alone than to be in the we of relationship

You didn't know the client very well. That's not love- that's infatuation. It is meaningless but fun.

I am younger than you, OP, but have been married a long time. How long have you been married? If it's only 8 years or less, this too shall pass.