Please help - 8 week old preemie twins

[Anonymous]

We have 8 week old preemie twins (born at 35 weeks). Does anyone have any advice on how to make things go more smoothly. I’m beyond grateful that they are home with us and for the most part seem to be healthy but I feel like I’m doing a terrible job. I’m on maternity leave and my husband is working from home, so he can help but it can’t be constant due to meetings etc. I am following a schedule but it seems as they grow bigger they wake up more frequently or before feeding times and I become overwhelmed with 2 crying babies. My daughter will go periods of not sleeping for 3 hours at a time, and now my son is in the wants to be held constantly phase. I feel as though I’m constantly leaving one baby to cry it out, frequently my son because he’s the bigger and stronger twin and I know that’s not fair to him.

[Anonymous]

I am so so sorry. 8 weeks is a really hard phase, and I haven't even had twins!

I know many moms with twins like the Moms on Call book and schedules (i didn't do the early sleep training, but I followed the schedule during the day and it was great to have some structure/predictability). Could you find a postpartum doula or night nurse to come for a few weeks, even once a week? Do they like to go out for walks during the day?

[Anonymous]

You need more help! Either your DH takes some time off, or hire a nanny.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you! My twins were almost 32 weeks. I feel like you are in the hardest phase. Keep telling yourself that each week will be better and you just need to do what you need to get through each day at this point. I suggest figuring out what works for your daughter when she’s awake so you don’t have to hold her the whole time (sounds cold but impossible with twins). My ds loved the cradle swings so I bought one for each floor. I was fine if he took naps in it, etc. Anything at that point! Then I suggest podee bottles. As soon as they can put a paci in and out they can use these - hands free bottles basically. I also strongly suggest the snoo! Wasn’t around for my twins but it was lifesaving for my youngest (for my sanity).

My husband didn’t have any leave so it was tough. I’m not sure if your appetite for people in the house with covid around but I’d really suggest outsourcing everything possible. I ended up having someone come in each evening essentially to help with baths, do all the laundry, clean all the pumping & bottle supplies and organize everything for the next day. She would stay from 7-11pm. Sometimes both twins would be asleep so I’d take a long nap or at least go to sleep and she’s sneak out. We weren’t dealing with covid but my twins were preemies and on monitors so we had to be vigilant about germs.

Also, I remember on all of these twins boards and her I posted similar questions and people insisted I needed to get them on the same schedule. I was beating myself up because I couldn’t. Once I gave up on that, it was actually way easier bc when they were in different schedules I could always handle one feeding or one changing especially when one was napping. They will ultimately end up on the same schedule as they eventually consolidate naps but i wouldn’t focus on that.
I swear it gets better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need more help! Either your DH takes some time off, or hire a nanny.

This. You need more help. Do you have family or a close friend who could help out, even for just a few days? Can your DH take more time off?

[Anonymous]

Mom of twins here.... mine are 11 now but I somewhat remember those days. I was on my own (during the work hours) with mine from 8 weeks - 12 weeks. (They were born at 36 weeks).

The name of the game at this stage is TRIAGE. You do what needs to be done to meet most immediate need in the most efficient manner possible. So start making things easy for yourself. Easy on and off clothes. Formula for the day made the night before and in the fridge. Changing areas in multiple places in your home. Sleeping areas in more than one place in your home. Really think about how you function and edit your house to support you.

Find a pattern that works for you. For me, it was they got up, changed the diapers, ate, "played", ate, change diaper, sleep again. Anything that is really best done with two people (e.g. baths) wait until your partner can help. And if they are a little grody -- well, just wipe them down with diaper wipes.

And keep them on the same schedule. For your one who is staying awake more, get strongly contrasting art/blanket/mobile/whatever.... those will hold her attention for at least a little bit. And let her fuss, but not cry. You don't have to swoop in at the first sound. For the one who wants to be held, strap him to you while he's awake, but make sure to put him in his crib when he is drowsy.

Your primary function is taking care of babies and yourself. Not cooking dinner. Not cleaning the house. You are not obligated to be "productive" every second you're awake. Sleep (or veg out) when they sleep.

And it absolutely gets better and you'll barely remember these days in about a year.

[Anonymous]

When my twins were that age, we desperately searched for anything that would work. If swaddling and a pacifier kept one quiet for 1/2 hour, that's what we did. If one responded to being in a swing for a short time, we did that. Anything and everything we tried until my DD who was my stronger one started sleeping longer. When that time came, she started sleeping 4+ hours ( at about 3 most, I think). We then could relax a little, because, hey, we only had one baby to take care of. The other one took a little longer due to reflux., Good Luck. This time will pass eventually.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried a twin baby carrier? Both my preemies (not twins) refused to be put down for longer than a few minutes until they were around 2 months old (adjusted). But they would sleep and cuddle for hours without a peep if worn.

[Anonymous]

I'd suggest you throw the schedule out - with two kids with slightly different needs, it might be causing you more trouble than its worth. (And might be worth revisiting in a couple of months, but right now, your goal is to get through the days.)

What worked for me was to feed and change a baby whenever they woke up (they weren't really napping at that age, just dozing in the pack n play or bouncy chair or next to me on a couch), burp them, keep them awake for a short period of time, and then try to put them down so they'd calmly transition back to the doze.

Neither of my twins took a daytime crib nap until they were about 4 months because we were really on a "get through each minute as it comes" strategy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom of twins here.... mine are 11 now but I somewhat remember those days. I was on my own (during the work hours) with mine from 8 weeks - 12 weeks. (They were born at 36 weeks).

The name of the game at this stage is TRIAGE. You do what needs to be done to meet most immediate need in the most efficient manner possible. So start making things easy for yourself. Easy on and off clothes. Formula for the day made the night before and in the fridge. Changing areas in multiple places in your home. Sleeping areas in more than one place in your home. Really think about how you function and edit your house to support you.

Find a pattern that works for you. For me, it was they got up, changed the diapers, ate, "played", ate, change diaper, sleep again. Anything that is really best done with two people (e.g. baths) wait until your partner can help. And if they are a little grody -- well, just wipe them down with diaper wipes.

And keep them on the same schedule. For your one who is staying awake more, get strongly contrasting art/blanket/mobile/whatever.... those will hold her attention for at least a little bit. And let her fuss, but not cry. You don't have to swoop in at the first sound. For the one who wants to be held, strap him to you while he's awake, but make sure to put him in his crib when he is drowsy.

Your primary function is taking care of babies and yourself. Not cooking dinner. Not cleaning the house. You are not obligated to be "productive" every second you're awake. Sleep (or veg out) when they sleep.

And it absolutely gets better and you'll barely remember these days in about a year.

I second all of this. Also, look into joining a parents of multiples club - I got so much valuable feedback on questions like this from my club (NVPOM) when mine were so little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel for you! My twins were almost 32 weeks. I feel like you are in the hardest phase. Keep telling yourself that each week will be better and you just need to do what you need to get through each day at this point. I suggest figuring out what works for your daughter when she’s awake so you don’t have to hold her the whole time (sounds cold but impossible with twins). My ds loved the cradle swings so I bought one for each floor. I was fine if he took naps in it, etc. Anything at that point! Then I suggest podee bottles. As soon as they can put a paci in and out they can use these - hands free bottles basically. I also strongly suggest the snoo! Wasn’t around for my twins but it was lifesaving for my youngest (for my sanity).

My husband didn’t have any leave so it was tough. I’m not sure if your appetite for people in the house with covid around but I’d really suggest outsourcing everything possible. I ended up having someone come in each evening essentially to help with baths, do all the laundry, clean all the pumping & bottle supplies and organize everything for the next day. She would stay from 7-11pm. Sometimes both twins would be asleep so I’d take a long nap or at least go to sleep and she’s sneak out. We weren’t dealing with covid but my twins were preemies and on monitors so we had to be vigilant about germs.

Also, I remember on all of these twins boards and her I posted similar questions and people insisted I needed to get them on the same schedule. I was beating myself up because I couldn’t. Once I gave up on that, it was actually way easier bc when they were in different schedules I could always handle one feeding or one changing especially when one was napping. They will ultimately end up on the same schedule as they eventually consolidate naps but i wouldn’t focus on that.
I swear it gets better!

I quickly came to the same conclusion with my twins and it ended up being a lifesaver. I didn't get any "breaks" per se throughout the day, but I at least felt like the babies were getting what they needed & there was significantly less crying.

[Anonymous]

Our twins were the same. 36 weeks. Their digestive systems are not fully matured or their nerves. Our daughter would twitch spastically. Scary. She out grew it. It’s hard for them to eat. They can do it but it’s not so smooth. Remember to count their “real age” once in awhile.
We hired a night nurse. It was too much. They had trouble eating and cried about it a lot. It gets better but try to get them on a schedule.

We had a sheet where we marked who had been fed and diaper changed. The helpers thought we were crazy until they fed and comforted one then forgot who they had fed/ changed. Made things much easier. We stopped when they got a bit older and we had more rest.

[Anonymous]

^^ by 12 weeks by some miracle they slept mainly through the night.

[Anonymous]

By count their real age I mean aha they were supposed to be born by this date ! Now they are 40 weeks!

[Anonymous]

OP here, thank you all for the great advice! I quit the schedule and it seems like I actually have 2 relatively easy babies, sticking to that clock was causing increased fussing, crying and gas - I stopped last night and we had a relatively easy night, I was able to care for both as my husband is fighting a stomach bug and we can’t have him near the babies. Apparently my mother in law had offered to come stay with us but my husband never mentioned it and said we would let her know, well she’s on her way from North Carolina today. My mom I thought would be unable to help due to some health issues, but she has offered to come daily as well, I’ve taken her up on that and she’s here now holding my son. Throwing the schedule away has also reduced so much of my own stress because they’re on different schedules so it’s easy to take my time and care for one baby while the other is sleeping. Thank you again moms!