Help me not be always scolding DD age 7

[Anonymous]

DD is just pushing my buttons lately, and I can hear myself constantly telling her "don't" and "stop." She seems to have entered a physically awkward stage where she wants to be climbing and running way more than she used to, but also she's bad at it and knocks into things. Either I'm telling her to stop climbing furniture, or she's mad and stompy because she carelessly knocked her head on a doorway passing through it, or she ignored the three times I said "stop" and then walked through a laptop cable anyway.

Last night I resolved to be a better mom. Then this morning I woke from a sound sleep to her tripping over the dog, in the dark, in my bedroom, before her wakeup light. So now I'm scolding her first thing in the morning.

What is going on with her? A phase? Or do we suddenly need rules for every obvious thing?

[Anonymous]

Take her to the park or on a long hike and let her burn off her energy.

[Anonymous]

She is showing you what she needs: she needs to run and climb and move. And giving it to her will help short-term by burning energy and long-term by helping her adjust to her growing body and become more coordinated.

Get up an hour earlier each day and take her to a playground and let her go. Or find time for it during the day. But she is showing you exactly what she needs and you will continue to butt heads until she gets it.

[Anonymous]

I agree with more exercise. I also think you need to have 0 tolerance for some things though if she keeps doing the same things over and over.
If she is not allowed to climb or jump on furniture then tell her from now on X will happen if she does that. Pick what X is that works for you both.
I would not say anything about tripping over the dog, or bumping her head. She is not doing these things on purpose and I would try and keep my mouth shut on those.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. You are all absolutely right about the exercise -- we are at the park now. It just seems like another level above, because we already spend a good chunk of the weekend on hikes and daytrips. And recently I was starting to get more comfortable letting her run off out of sight but now her judgment and direction-following have tanked. I need some way to refocus her on following directions.

The winter is going to be tough!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. You are all absolutely right about the exercise -- we are at the park now. It just seems like another level above, because we already spend a good chunk of the weekend on hikes and daytrips. And recently I was starting to get more comfortable letting her run off out of sight but now her judgment and direction-following have tanked. I need some way to refocus her on following directions.

The winter is going to be tough!

I am right there with you OP. I feel like my 8 year old is CONSTANTLY jumping up in my face, talking a lot, etc. And she's home all day, so it's alllll day. I feel my body becoming rigid, my jaw clenching, blah. I feel guilty because I REMEMBER being the same way when I was that age! I'm trying to make exercise a daily emphasis too. For both of us. It's hard.

[Anonymous]

I don't know how you feel about screens but can you get a Wii? Is she in sports? My older dd is a kid who just needs an out let to burn energy or we all go crazy. Plus we live in Seattle so we have a long rainy winter ahead of us.

[Anonymous]

Hugs, OP. That sounds really hard and frustrating. In addition to the exercise, I wonder if you could also get curious about yourself and your reaction. I’ll give you that it definitely sounds annoying (I can see me snapping about it too) but what exactly sets you off? Did you get into messes like that as a kid? Were you taught that kids should be seen and not heard? Have you always valued being graceful or “perfect?” Etc etc. try and find the feeling when it happens and then get curious. You might find a bit more compassion for yourself which will help you extend the same compassion to your DD. You won’t be able to give it unless you give to yourself first. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

So you’re scolding her for being clumsy? Not stopping when you tell her to is one thing, but scolding her because she tripped? These are not the same things. Before you scold take a deep breath and think about whether it’s warranted.

Also, What do YOU need to be less irritable? It’s annoying to have to tell kids the same things over and over again but it’s also pretty typical. Maybe you need more time to yourself, more exercise, better nutrition, more sleep— I don’t know but try to think of some self-care you can do to calm your nerves. Imagine a 7 year old feeling like their very presence is an annoyance. Clearly you don’t want that, as you are a good and loving mom. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Just stop it. Stop scolding her. It will work out. I used to be a yeller. I just promised myself I would stop. Everything improved. You probably sound like a nut to outsiders. I think I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is showing you what she needs: she needs to run and climb and move. And giving it to her will help short-term by burning energy and long-term by helping her adjust to her growing body and become more coordinated.

Get up an hour earlier each day and take her to a playground and let her go. Or find time for it during the day. But she is showing you exactly what she needs and you will continue to butt heads until she gets it.

+1. Is she your oldest by chance? Let her move and stop snapping as most of what you are complaining about is just normal stuff except for not being mindful of the cords. Plenty (all?) of adults trip over pets, nothing, and their heads on random objects. Just be like, "Oh, I'm sorry you hit your head" and move on.

She is growing and that is probably why she is clumsy. I have no idea why you are shaming her for tripping over things, especially in the dark. I realize that some parents are happiest with lethargic blobs who sit on the couch watching tv all day or otherwise not moving but it is critically important to encourage her to move for her health and also because that is where coordination comes from.

Do you have a rower or treadmill if you don't have an area to run around or a yard with a climbing set? There are plenty of virtual races that she could train for and they'll even send a medal. Keep a board with PRs.

[Anonymous]

OP again, and I really appreciate all the thoughtful advice here.

A Wii is an interesting idea, we may try that. DD refuses soccer but I was looking for a running team before covid. We do as many masked outdoor playdates as we can arrange.

To the PP who asked what in me is reacting, you are correct: I was raised with an emphasis on planning my actions -- in the sense of not doing something that two seconds of thought would have revealed to be dumb or dangerous. Being aware of surroundings, moving with care, etc. are important to me. And she's only 7, I know. But for example the dog was sleeping on the dog's bed in a corner: DD really had to work to step on the dog, who could have been hurt (but wasn't, thankfully). That's the kind of thing that sets me off.

[Anonymous]

Day hikes and day trips are tiring for adults but she needs to run. Play tag with her. Put her in year round swimming. Gets trampoline and jump with her. Play a dance game on the switch.

If this were a normal year I would put her in a kids indoor rock climbing class and sign her up for girls on the run.

She is showing you what she needs. Bumping her head, tripping over laptop cords that are in the way - don't keep cords in the path(!) and obviously no one wants to bump their head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again, and I really appreciate all the thoughtful advice here.

A Wii is an interesting idea, we may try that. DD refuses soccer but I was looking for a running team before covid. We do as many masked outdoor playdates as we can arrange.

To the PP who asked what in me is reacting, you are correct: I was raised with an emphasis on planning my actions -- in the sense of not doing something that two seconds of thought would have revealed to be dumb or dangerous. Being aware of surroundings, moving with care, etc. are important to me. And she's only 7, I know. But for example the dog was sleeping on the dog's bed in a corner: DD really had to work to step on the dog, who could have been hurt (but wasn't, thankfully). That's the kind of thing that sets me off.

In a dark room it is easy to get mixed up about where you are.

You need to read up on this age because your instincts about what is normal are incorrect.

[Anonymous]

You are expecting her to think ahead and not do things but you are responding to her (very normal) actions without thinking ahead. One of you is an adult...