Help me not be always scolding DD age 7

[Anonymous]

She's is an awkward stage OP. You fussing at her is not going to make it any better. Why "scold" he for tripping?

[Anonymous]

You might also think about doing a sensory processing survey- not because she has a disorder, but because everyone has their own profile and understanding that some people are hyper sensitive to their surroundings, and others are not, helps with understanding/empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. You are all absolutely right about the exercise -- we are at the park now. It just seems like another level above, because we already spend a good chunk of the weekend on hikes and daytrips. And recently I was starting to get more comfortable letting her run off out of sight but now her judgment and direction-following have tanked. I need some way to refocus her on following directions.

The winter is going to be tough!

The issue isn't that she's having trouble following directions. The issues are that she needs looser reins while you want to tighten them, and she needs exercise that includes jumping and climbing while you want to mostly provide hikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again, and I really appreciate all the thoughtful advice here.

A Wii is an interesting idea, we may try that. DD refuses soccer but I was looking for a running team before covid. We do as many masked outdoor playdates as we can arrange.

To the PP who asked what in me is reacting, you are correct: I was raised with an emphasis on planning my actions -- in the sense of not doing something that two seconds of thought would have revealed to be dumb or dangerous. Being aware of surroundings, moving with care, etc. are important to me. And she's only 7, I know. But for example the dog was sleeping on the dog's bed in a corner: DD really had to work to step on the dog, who could have been hurt (but wasn't, thankfully). That's the kind of thing that sets me off.

Look into Girls on the Run. I think it starts in second grade?

You need to let go of that much preplanning. It's age-inappropriate for a 7yo. And you already said it was dark, so I don't think it was that hard to trip over the dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. You are all absolutely right about the exercise -- we are at the park now. It just seems like another level above, because we already spend a good chunk of the weekend on hikes and daytrips. And recently I was starting to get more comfortable letting her run off out of sight but now her judgment and direction-following have tanked. I need some way to refocus her on following directions.

The winter is going to be tough!

My 7 year old boy is the exact same! Both with the bumping into things/ tripping over things and direction following. His head is in the clouds and I find myself scolding him instead of comforting him when he bumps himself on the table for the 3rd time In a row. And then I feel terrible because I scolded him when he was in pain. It just gets so irritating to hear “ow!” For the 3rd time in like 5 minutes. He’s so much more absent minded than he used to be. Glad to know I’m not alone. I was wondering if it was distance learning but maybe it’s also just the age?

[Anonymous]

Yep, I have one of those. We bought an exercise ball she can bounce on, which seems to help. We also cleared a space where she can do cartwheels and handstands in the house without anything breakable in range. We try to get outside every day, which can be hard with both of us working, but it also helps. I also don't react when she trips or falls or whatever -- that's how they learn how to manage their body in space. I only comment if what she is doing is creating a high risk of injury or breakage, and then I just tell her to move away from the lamp or whatever. Kids this age both need to move and are not infrequently clumsy or awkward because they are growing and their bodies are changing. Irritation isn't helpful.

If she's jumping on the furniture and that's against the rules, just have a consequence if she does it, and when she does it, just impose it without emotion.

[Anonymous]

The other tension you are facing is for her to practice the skill you want, planning ahead, she has to practice. If she sucked at piano while she practiced, you would say "she will get better with time". This is a skill. She needs to mess it up a lot AND more importantly get a ton of praise when she does it right.

So, before attempting a thing - playing chase in the house - have a talk. Which rooms make the most sense? Are there any hazards to watch out for? What about people in the house to worry about? Dad is cooking - the kitchen should be off limits. Why do you think that? Great. Go have fun.

She can't learn to do this skill without direct instructions. You are mad she is getting it wrong but haven't armed her with getting it right. (it also seems like a development ally strange skill. But that is for your family to decide ) if this matters to you, teach it right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The other tension you are facing is for her to practice the skill you want, planning ahead, she has to practice. If she sucked at piano while she practiced, you would say "she will get better with time". This is a skill. She needs to mess it up a lot AND more importantly get a ton of praise when she does it right.

So, before attempting a thing - playing chase in the house - have a talk. Which rooms make the most sense? Are there any hazards to watch out for? What about people in the house to worry about? Dad is cooking - the kitchen should be off limits. Why do you think that? Great. Go have fun.

She can't learn to do this skill without direct instructions. You are mad she is getting it wrong but haven't armed her with getting it right. (it also seems like a development ally strange skill. But that is for your family to decide ) if this matters to you, teach it right.

Also with growth mindset you praise the effort not the outcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. You are all absolutely right about the exercise -- we are at the park now. It just seems like another level above, because we already spend a good chunk of the weekend on hikes and daytrips. And recently I was starting to get more comfortable letting her run off out of sight but now her judgment and direction-following have tanked. I need some way to refocus her on following directions.

The winter is going to be tough!

The issue isn't that she's having trouble following directions. The issues are that she needs looser reins while you want to tighten them, and she needs exercise that includes jumping and climbing while you want to mostly provide hikes.

This is important -- it's not just movement, she is seeking particular kinds of movement. This is normal. It's a way for the brain to get particular kinds of input that it's craving. Think about the way that swinging on a swing doesn't feel the same as jumping on a trampoline or walking on a balance beam or climbing a wall or spinning around or running, etc., etc. The brain needs different kinds of sensations to develop different things. The hikes are good, but they are not a substitute for jumping and climbing. A playground with a good climbing structure or two should help, if you can visit regularly.

And kids can play outside in the winter. Get warm clothes and make sure she gets time outdoors to play, not just to walk.

[Anonymous]

Just choose your battles. Save your voice of doom for real things.

I don't nit-pick over every little infraction (99% are age appropriate).

She sounds restless and bored. Take her outside and give her undivided attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is just pushing my buttons lately, and I can hear myself constantly telling her "don't" and "stop." She seems to have entered a physically awkward stage where she wants to be climbing and running way more than she used to, but also she's bad at it and knocks into things. Either I'm telling her to stop climbing furniture, or she's mad and stompy because she carelessly knocked her head on a doorway passing through it, or she ignored the three times I said "stop" and then walked through a laptop cable anyway.

Last night I resolved to be a better mom. Then this morning I woke from a sound sleep to her tripping over the dog, in the dark, in my bedroom, before her wakeup light. So now I'm scolding her first thing in the morning.

What is going on with her? A phase? Or do we suddenly need rules for every obvious thing?

Why does it matter if she's climbing furniture? Is get ruining it or do you just not want her to for reasons? Why is a laptop cord in a place she can trip over it? You have inappropriate expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is just pushing my buttons lately, and I can hear myself constantly telling her "don't" and "stop." She seems to have entered a physically awkward stage where she wants to be climbing and running way more than she used to, but also she's bad at it and knocks into things. Either I'm telling her to stop climbing furniture, or she's mad and stompy because she carelessly knocked her head on a doorway passing through it, or she ignored the three times I said "stop" and then walked through a laptop cable anyway.

Last night I resolved to be a better mom. Then this morning I woke from a sound sleep to her tripping over the dog, in the dark, in my bedroom, before her wakeup light. So now I'm scolding her first thing in the morning.

What is going on with her? A phase? Or do we suddenly need rules for every obvious thing?

I just wanted to tell you that I do this, too. It really struck a chord with me. My twin girls are 6 and I often feel the same way you do. I have tried (1) rephrasing things so that instead of saying don't do something I say do something else, (2) just not caring as much (yes, it may mean a lamp breaks and gets tossed, but that may be better than feeling like a nag), and (3) staying quiet until my husband notices (usually after I would have said something) and make him be the one to say stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What is going on with her? A phase? Or do we suddenly need rules for every obvious thing?

You need to back off. It's a pandemic. Everyone is under extreme stress, the likes of which you personally probably did not ever experience in childhood. She is seeking sensory input and she's not that good at it yet and you expect her to perform at a level you recall retrospectively, which is not reasonable.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it. I was a kid who was naturally very conscientious. I never had to be explicitly told not to do dumb-shit things in a physical dimension. So to me, it's irritatingly obvious that you should watch where you are going, take care not to bump into things, etc. Really, really obvious. However, I think those of us who are naturally like this are in the minority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. You are all absolutely right about the exercise -- we are at the park now. It just seems like another level above, because we already spend a good chunk of the weekend on hikes and daytrips. And recently I was starting to get more comfortable letting her run off out of sight but now her judgment and direction-following have tanked. I need some way to refocus her on following directions.

The winter is going to be tough!

The issue isn't that she's having trouble following directions. The issues are that she needs looser reins while you want to tighten them, and she needs exercise that includes jumping and climbing while you want to mostly provide hikes.

This is important -- it's not just movement, she is seeking particular kinds of movement. This is normal. It's a way for the brain to get particular kinds of input that it's craving. Think about the way that swinging on a swing doesn't feel the same as jumping on a trampoline or walking on a balance beam or climbing a wall or spinning around or running, etc., etc. The brain needs different kinds of sensations to develop different things. The hikes are good, but they are not a substitute for jumping and climbing. A playground with a good climbing structure or two should help, if you can visit regularly.

And kids can play outside in the winter. Get warm clothes and make sure she gets time outdoors to play, not just to walk.

It's not just the brain. She's growing and her body needs a variety of movement to continually adjust the baseline for balance, height, stride and step height. Just a hike is fine for adults (although you should be doing a mix of aerobic and strength too).