Extinction or Ferber (Timed Checks) for 6 month sleep training?

[Anonymous]

My 6 month old EBF DD weighs almost 18 lbs and the pediatrician said we can definitely sleep train her at this point.
Her sleep has sort of gone off the rails over the last month, she's waking up every 45-90 minutes all night long unless I bring her into bed with me. It's really horrible and I need to sleep again (I'm working full time while also caring for her all day and also have a 2 yo who is thank goodness in preschool).

It's definitely a feed/snuggle-to-sleep issue and I don't think she is very hungry because will nurse for maybe 2 minutes when she wakes up. I'd like to drop the "feeds" cold turkey while also sleep training but willing to keep a dream feed or even a 4am early wake up feed (waking up once at 4am would be heaven compared to current situation).

Anyway - I definitely need to sleep train her. If anyone has been in a similar situation, can you let me know if Extinction or Timed Checks worked better for you? I'm also not totally sure how to avoid feeding her to sleep at bedtime - she currently zonks out while having a long nursing session. Should I wake her up all the way before putting her back down?

[Anonymous]

Read up on “negative sleep association”—the reason she is waking up is because she’s being nursed until she’s conked out. We used Ferber for both our kids and was successful. Before you do, I would try detaching her before she falls asleep. Like when her eyes close and the nursing slows down, detach her and burp her then put her down quickly. She’ll
Protest at first but will hopefully get used to it. If that doesn’t work (it didn’t for us, but I’ve heard others have success!) then I would do Ferber. I felt more comfortable knowing my babies knew I was coming back even though I didn’t pick them up. It may have taken longer, but I felt better about it.

[Anonymous]

We did taking cara babies which is between the two. We would go in and hug, pat his tummy and then walk out again. Basically our son needed to know we were there, but he wasn't ever getting out again until the morning. Before, he thought that if he whined enough he'd get to nurse to sleep again. It took 2 nights and he's been sleeping soundly now for a year. Key I think was never picking him up because that would give him hope (I mean this in a nice way).

6 months is perfect! Do it before they can stand up and scream.

[Anonymous]

We did extinction with both our kids at 4 months with one night feed.

Feed 20 minutes before putting baby down to avoid eat to sleep association. Put baby down wide awake so she learns how to put herself to sleep. You can do timed checks if it helps. If baby wakes in the middle of the night, feed if it’s feeding time or apply sleep training method if not.

[Anonymous]

Totally depends on her personality. We had to do extinction with my daughter because checks would have just pissed her off and made her cry more. With my son we did checks and he stopped crying and went to sleep after we checked in.

[Anonymous]

Extinction. I think the other methods are just confusing for the baby.

[Anonymous]

Ferber CIO. Worked in a weekend. Best decision we ever made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 6 month old EBF DD weighs almost 18 lbs and the pediatrician said we can definitely sleep train her at this point.
Her sleep has sort of gone off the rails over the last month, she's waking up every 45-90 minutes all night long unless I bring her into bed with me. It's really horrible and I need to sleep again (I'm working full time while also caring for her all day and also have a 2 yo who is thank goodness in preschool).

It's definitely a feed/snuggle-to-sleep issue and I don't think she is very hungry because will nurse for maybe 2 minutes when she wakes up. I'd like to drop the "feeds" cold turkey while also sleep training but willing to keep a dream feed or even a 4am early wake up feed (waking up once at 4am would be heaven compared to current situation).

Anyway - I definitely need to sleep train her. If anyone has been in a similar situation, can you let me know if Extinction or Timed Checks worked better for you? I'm also not totally sure how to avoid feeding her to sleep at bedtime - she currently zonks out while having a long nursing session. Should I wake her up all the way before putting her back down?

Ooo I have so many thoughts! First of all, you'll get some haters about sleep training, ignore them, you're absolutely doing the right thing. I strongly recommend the Sleep Easy Solution. It's what we used, as have many people we know, with great results, and it will answer all your questions.

Keep a dreamfeed if you'd like (I would), but with a six month old, I would NOT get into a 4am habit. You'll be back in two months wondering how to solve it. Your baby can go from 10/11pm to 7/8am without food - start how you mean to go on. Sleep Easy will walk you through weaning your feeds, but if they're all 2 mins or less, you can drop them all cold turkey. You'll definitely need to keep her awake during the bedtime feed. Don't let her snooze-eat and then wake her, it'll make it harder for her to fall asleep if she's taken the "edge" off her tiredness. Keep her away during the feed, just like you probably had to when she was a newborn - sing, talk to her, shake her arm, have her be naked if you have to, but NO snooze eating (except during the dreamfeed).

Sleep Easy does the timed checks. I honestly think it doesn't make a difference for the baby, either way will work, and I think there's an argument to be made that extinction is actually the better bet. But we did the timed checks, and I liked that because it gives you a "system" for dealing with weird things that pop up. Everyone will tell you the key to sleep training is consistency. So if you go with full extinction, you CANNOT go in there. With checks, part of the system is to go in there. So - if the cat gets in the bedroom without you noticing, you can get her out at the next check. If you notice a crack of light by the curtains, you can adjust at the next check. If you're worried about a poopy diaper, you can take a whiff at the next check. All of those have happened to us, and we never had to break our consistent plan to deal with them.

Best of luck! In a week or so, your life is about to become amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 6 month old EBF DD weighs almost 18 lbs and the pediatrician said we can definitely sleep train her at this point.
Her sleep has sort of gone off the rails over the last month, she's waking up every 45-90 minutes all night long unless I bring her into bed with me. It's really horrible and I need to sleep again (I'm working full time while also caring for her all day and also have a 2 yo who is thank goodness in preschool).

It's definitely a feed/snuggle-to-sleep issue and I don't think she is very hungry because will nurse for maybe 2 minutes when she wakes up. I'd like to drop the "feeds" cold turkey while also sleep training but willing to keep a dream feed or even a 4am early wake up feed (waking up once at 4am would be heaven compared to current situation).

Anyway - I definitely need to sleep train her. If anyone has been in a similar situation, can you let me know if Extinction or Timed Checks worked better for you? I'm also not totally sure how to avoid feeding her to sleep at bedtime - she currently zonks out while having a long nursing session. Should I wake her up all the way before putting her back down?

Ooo I have so many thoughts! First of all, you'll get some haters about sleep training, ignore them, you're absolutely doing the right thing. I strongly recommend the Sleep Easy Solution. It's what we used, as have many people we know, with great results, and it will answer all your questions.

Keep a dreamfeed if you'd like (I would), but with a six month old, I would NOT get into a 4am habit. You'll be back in two months wondering how to solve it. Your baby can go from 10/11pm to 7/8am without food - start how you mean to go on. Sleep Easy will walk you through weaning your feeds, but if they're all 2 mins or less, you can drop them all cold turkey. You'll definitely need to keep her awake during the bedtime feed. Don't let her snooze-eat and then wake her, it'll make it harder for her to fall asleep if she's taken the "edge" off her tiredness. Keep her away during the feed, just like you probably had to when she was a newborn - sing, talk to her, shake her arm, have her be naked if you have to, but NO snooze eating (except during the dreamfeed).

Sleep Easy does the timed checks. I honestly think it doesn't make a difference for the baby, either way will work, and I think there's an argument to be made that extinction is actually the better bet. But we did the timed checks, and I liked that because it gives you a "system" for dealing with weird things that pop up. Everyone will tell you the key to sleep training is consistency. So if you go with full extinction, you CANNOT go in there. With checks, part of the system is to go in there. So - if the cat gets in the bedroom without you noticing, you can get her out at the next check. If you notice a crack of light by the curtains, you can adjust at the next check. If you're worried about a poopy diaper, you can take a whiff at the next check. All of those have happened to us, and we never had to break our consistent plan to deal with them.

Best of luck! In a week or so, your life is about to become amazing.

OP here - thank you for your thoughtful reply! I have read Sleep Easy Solution and my main issue with it is that she is currently waking up so often that it is virtually impossible to do the "dream feed 1 hour before she would normally wake up" thing. I think I may need to just go cold turkey...it seems crazy but I have also thought about initially going cold turkey and then adding a dream feed BACK in after she is getting the hang of falling asleep on her own at bedtime and throughout the night? This may be what I do if I run into the 4am wakeup scenario.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the kid. My oldest did better with extinction (as we discovered when we tried to do Ferber style) but my other two did better with times checks. Try timed checks and if they seem to be counterproductive switch!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 6 month old EBF DD weighs almost 18 lbs and the pediatrician said we can definitely sleep train her at this point.
Her sleep has sort of gone off the rails over the last month, she's waking up every 45-90 minutes all night long unless I bring her into bed with me. It's really horrible and I need to sleep again (I'm working full time while also caring for her all day and also have a 2 yo who is thank goodness in preschool).

It's definitely a feed/snuggle-to-sleep issue and I don't think she is very hungry because will nurse for maybe 2 minutes when she wakes up. I'd like to drop the "feeds" cold turkey while also sleep training but willing to keep a dream feed or even a 4am early wake up feed (waking up once at 4am would be heaven compared to current situation).

Anyway - I definitely need to sleep train her. If anyone has been in a similar situation, can you let me know if Extinction or Timed Checks worked better for you? I'm also not totally sure how to avoid feeding her to sleep at bedtime - she currently zonks out while having a long nursing session. Should I wake her up all the way before putting her back down?

Ooo I have so many thoughts! First of all, you'll get some haters about sleep training, ignore them, you're absolutely doing the right thing. I strongly recommend the Sleep Easy Solution. It's what we used, as have many people we know, with great results, and it will answer all your questions.

Keep a dreamfeed if you'd like (I would), but with a six month old, I would NOT get into a 4am habit. You'll be back in two months wondering how to solve it. Your baby can go from 10/11pm to 7/8am without food - start how you mean to go on. Sleep Easy will walk you through weaning your feeds, but if they're all 2 mins or less, you can drop them all cold turkey. You'll definitely need to keep her awake during the bedtime feed. Don't let her snooze-eat and then wake her, it'll make it harder for her to fall asleep if she's taken the "edge" off her tiredness. Keep her away during the feed, just like you probably had to when she was a newborn - sing, talk to her, shake her arm, have her be naked if you have to, but NO snooze eating (except during the dreamfeed).

Sleep Easy does the timed checks. I honestly think it doesn't make a difference for the baby, either way will work, and I think there's an argument to be made that extinction is actually the better bet. But we did the timed checks, and I liked that because it gives you a "system" for dealing with weird things that pop up. Everyone will tell you the key to sleep training is consistency. So if you go with full extinction, you CANNOT go in there. With checks, part of the system is to go in there. So - if the cat gets in the bedroom without you noticing, you can get her out at the next check. If you notice a crack of light by the curtains, you can adjust at the next check. If you're worried about a poopy diaper, you can take a whiff at the next check. All of those have happened to us, and we never had to break our consistent plan to deal with them.

Best of luck! In a week or so, your life is about to become amazing.

OP here - thank you for your thoughtful reply! I have read Sleep Easy Solution and my main issue with it is that she is currently waking up so often that it is virtually impossible to do the "dream feed 1 hour before she would normally wake up" thing. I think I may need to just go cold turkey...it seems crazy but I have also thought about initially going cold turkey and then adding a dream feed BACK in after she is getting the hang of falling asleep on her own at bedtime and throughout the night? This may be what I do if I run into the 4am wakeup scenario.

PP here - glad I could help!

Good point. The purpose behind the 1 hour thing is so that your baby isn't crying hungry - if your kid wakes at 2am, you wake them at 1, then never wake up crying hungry. If they were going to wake up a bit earlier randomly (say at 1:30) you're still good. There's nothing magical about an hour, it's just a safety buffer.

So, what I would do in your case, is put her down, do the CIO with checks, wait till she's asleep. Repeat. You'll prob have to do CIO one or two more times in the evening (depending on how long she cries and how long she sleeps). Keep an eye on the clock. As soon as it's after 10pm, and she's been asleep for 20 mins, wake her to do a dreamfeed, then put her back down. It might be right at 10, could end up being 11:30 or later if she hits the timing wrong. Whatever. Then you keep going through the night.

Once you get through a couple nights, you'll be able to pick a more consistent time with the dreamfeed, but at least for the first night, this way if she wakes up screaming at 4am, you can do your checks knowing she's not hungry.

[Anonymous]

I tried Ferber but the visits just made my son mad and crying went in longer. I tried full extinction and he was asleep a lot faster. It only took a few days.

[Anonymous]

Ferber worked great but DAD has to do the check in, never mom, or the baby will think he’s getting fed.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Just started, planning on timed checks (5,7,10 mins) but she just fell asleep at bedtime before our first check time after only 4 minutes of hard crying (even though it was only 4 minutes it still made me very sad!!!) I have hope that it won’t be an all night sob fest but we’ll see...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just started, planning on timed checks (5,7,10 mins) but she just fell asleep at bedtime before our first check time after only 4 minutes of hard crying (even though it was only 4 minutes it still made me very sad!!!) I have hope that it won’t be an all night sob fest but we’ll see...

You can do it! We are pulling for you.
It’s not healthy for her or you to wake up so frequently. So pretend you are a doctor administering a challenging treatment. You know it’s the right thing to do and will mean much better health for both of you for years to come.