Husband relapsed, we have a 2 month old

[Anonymous]

TW: suicidal ideation

I think this belongs in postpartum moms, not relationship discussion, because I think he’s struggling with paternal PPD.

My husband has really been struggling with depression since the birth of our son. He has a history of depression. Also his mom passed away suddenly in April. He’s been sober for almost 2 years. Last night he went out and bought a case of beer and drank it all. I didn’t know because he was sleeping in the basement, (I thought) to get a good night’s rest after a rough night with baby. This morning I went to wake him up and the basement smelled like beer, cans everywhere. He was still drunk and in the midst of our long talk he admitted he’s been fantasizing about suicide since his mom died. He’s sleeping it off now.

I don’t know what to do. I feel so sad and lonely and like I can’t talk to any of my friends or family because they know he was sober and I don’t want them to know he relapsed. I just wish I could have someone come hold the baby so I can take a shower and a nap. I feel like I could deal with this better after a shower and a nap.

[Anonymous]

Don't shame him for relapsing. Help him find a therapist and join an alcoholics support group. He needs to find people who are able to support him. He needs a therapist to get on meds and deal with his depression. If you think the suicidal ideation is a more immediate threat, get him emergent help.

For now, call a friend or family member who may be able to come over and help out for a few hours

[Anonymous]

Al anon for you.

If he talks about committing suicide again call 911. Take it seriously.

[Anonymous]

Does he have a therapist? If not, find him one, ASAP

[Anonymous]

He needs therapy, intervention and meds.

[Anonymous]

Talk to your friends, OP. Do not claim his shame a seat your own. You need a friend to help YOU. Relapses can be part of recovery.

How did your husband get sober? If in AA, have him call his sponsor now or move out. No in between.

[Anonymous]

oh my. where are you? I wish I could come and hold baby for you to shower/talk/nap. I had ppd after birth of twins--I dont want you to get this too!

[Anonymous]

You need to let someone know. If only to have a friend/family member step up, take the baby for a day or night, and then you spend that 24 hours sleeping, showering, and taking your husband either to an intake program for suicide/alchohol or a therapy session immediately.

Does your husband have siblings who can come and comfort him over the loss of his mother?

[Anonymous]

You need to let someone know a friend or family member that you can trust because you need support today, and liekly in the future if there's an emergency. Someone who you can vent to who won't judge, and someone who can help you care for baby or make sure DH can get to his appointments.

DH must goto therapy. You should be able to get crisis appoinments the same day.

There's nothing to be ashamed. Relapse is a very common part of recovery. Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

You have to have someone help you and your DH now. Is there someone he would talk to? Have that person come. Then ask another person to help you and the baby. They can wear masks but this is an emergency.

[Anonymous]

This is nothing to be ashamed of. Your husband needs help ASAP... therapy, meds etc. You need support from your family and friends. Hugs OP.

[Anonymous]

You need to reach out to friends and family.

We have a 2yo and I'm 20 weeks with number 2. My husband is having his fist bought of depression ever and it is taking a TOLL on me. My mom knows and I'm going to over to talk to DHs dad tomorrow secretly. I'm done covering and supporting him alone. Everyone needs support. Hugs OP. Get some help with the baby ASAP!

[Anonymous]

Look into the Breakthrough program at Caron. It’s about 5 days and sounds like something that could benefit him.

[Anonymous]

Praying for you. My husband is a recovering alcoholic and I remember feeling shame when he was actively drinking. I know now that I had nothing to be ashamed of, but it is so hard to see that when you are in the thick of it. You’ve gotten a lot of good advice. I too encourage you to reach out to close friends and family.

[Anonymous]

Call the national suicide prevention hotline. Get help.
You do not need to be brave or embarrassed or have him to to deal on his own or shame spiral. Call and talk. They will help him with next steps.

Longer term therapy is needed. But prevention is needed now. Call them. Don't delay. The "worst" thing that happens is he did not have a plan, talks and makes an action step and some commitment s. Best case - he has a plan to harm himself, he gets help, and does not. There is NO downside to calling