Teens/young adults (usually male) who argue with authority figures

[Anonymous]

Or otherwise have huge chips on their shoulders...is this a mental illness? A product of poor parenting or parental neglect? Like seriously what is this? I feel like the frequency in which this occurs is increasing exponentially. I’m talking beyond normal rebellion - most 15-25 year old boys do NOT act this way.

Example: (and don’t fixate on the specific example - but I am seeing this type of thing more and more in all areas of life)

Normal rebellion: group of teens at neighborhood pool play loud music in violation of rules, but turns it off when requested by lifeguard/pool staff to do so.

Not normal but occurring more often: same thing as above but when asks to turn it off becomes belligerent, entitled, curses, refuses or is otherwise rude to pool staff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or otherwise have huge chips on their shoulders...is this a mental illness? A product of poor parenting or parental neglect? Like seriously what is this? I feel like the frequency in which this occurs is increasing exponentially. I’m talking beyond normal rebellion - most 15-25 year old boys do NOT act this way.

Example: (and don’t fixate on the specific example - but I am seeing this type of thing more and more in all areas of life)

Normal rebellion: group of teens at neighborhood pool play loud music in violation of rules, but turns it off when requested by lifeguard/pool staff to do so.

Not normal but occurring more often: same thing as above but when asks to turn it off becomes belligerent, entitled, curses, refuses or is otherwise rude to pool staff.

entitled kids take cues from entitled parents

[Anonymous]

Lack of respect for older people or those in position of authority.

I grew up with a military officer father, mostly with friends and classmates who were also military brats. To challenge an adult was just never done, period. In fact, I can’t even imagine arguing or talking back to any adult who called me out or complained like in your example.

Honestly, it would have been, “Yes, Sir. Sorry.” Then all my friends would laugh and I’d turn beet red and probably be so embarrassed that I’d cry. That’s how things were handled.

I’m in schools and am absolutely shocked at the subtle and overt rudeness that even younger students display to me or other adults.

[Anonymous]

15:04. Also, on the odd chance that I were to be scolded or if I thought a teacher would advise either of my parents about an academic or disciplinary problem of mine, there would be hell to pay. My parents trusted me, but if a teacher thought it important to bring up, you can be sure my parents thanked my teacher and would absolutely “take care of” any problem.
They had tremendous respect for my teachers. Plus, I’d have been in massive trouble with my folks.

I had a healthy fear of consequences meted out by my strict parents.

[Anonymous]

OP, what kind of things did you do when you were young?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what kind of things did you do when you were young?

I’m not sure what you mean by this. Was I ever openly rude to teachers, principals, business owners or other adults? No, never, and neither did my friends. Did my friends and I quietly complain to each other about things we didn’t like? Sure.

[Anonymous]

I was one of those hard headed teens. I just truly felt I was more knowledgeable than adults. I couldn’t see past what I deemed their ignorance when in reality - it was my own.

I had a great home life - didn’t see if they way at the time I just went thru the angst phase. I wanted to be free of all rules, etc... wore black all the time. Went completely goth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was one of those hard headed teens. I just truly felt I was more knowledgeable than adults. I couldn’t see past what I deemed their ignorance when in reality - it was my own.

I had a great home life - didn’t see if they way at the time I just went thru the angst phase. I wanted to be free of all rules, etc... wore black all the time. Went completely goth.

I like to see this. I have a teenage son and a daughter. My teenage son’s instinctive reaction to any sort of authority lately seems to push back. He was such an easy going kid. And now, I feel like he’s challenging everything. And he is definitely the smartest person in the house, in his own eyes. We apparently cannot teach him anything.

[Anonymous]

PP and I think this is direct result of maybe two generations of parents who OVER explain and complicate every thing that pertains to their child. There’s never a simple “no!” or a withering look - it’s “Kaden Drake? Friend? Let’s put it down. Kaden? Are you hearing me? Hello? Kaden? Let’s re-think: are you making a good choice? You should go ahead and think about putting it down, mmmkay? Alright, buddy. That’s 1. One. Twooooo. Kaden? Remember what I asked?”

Parents have become wimpy pushovers. Choices given. Questions asked. Zero discipline. Time outs and count downs mean plenty of time to throw a temper tantrum or bargain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP and I think this is direct result of maybe two generations of parents who OVER explain and complicate every thing that pertains to their child. There’s never a simple “no!” or a withering look - it’s “Kaden Drake? Friend? Let’s put it down. Kaden? Are you hearing me? Hello? Kaden? Let’s re-think: are you making a good choice? You should go ahead and think about putting it down, mmmkay? Alright, buddy. That’s 1. One. Twooooo. Kaden? Remember what I asked?”

Parents have become wimpy pushovers. Choices given. Questions asked. Zero discipline. Time outs and count downs mean plenty of time to throw a temper tantrum or bargain.

I agree with this. And you see it right here on DCUM - someone posts about how to get their three year old to behave and there are tons of responses that read like "oh, imagine being three and not understanding anything and you're so upset and no one listens to you! You have to listen to them, hug them, let them know you understand their feelings, then redirect them."

No. First time obedience. I say something, you do it, if you don't, you go to your room, or you lose a privilege. We can talk about it later, and address the feelings. But if mom says no, the answer is no, and there will be no negotiation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was one of those hard headed teens. I just truly felt I was more knowledgeable than adults. I couldn’t see past what I deemed their ignorance when in reality - it was my own.

I had a great home life - didn’t see if they way at the time I just went thru the angst phase. I wanted to be free of all rules, etc... wore black all the time. Went completely goth.

I like to see this. I have a teenage son and a daughter. My teenage son’s instinctive reaction to any sort of authority lately seems to push back. He was such an easy going kid. And now, I feel like he’s challenging everything. And he is definitely the smartest person in the house, in his own eyes. We apparently cannot teach him anything.

This is normal for teenagers. You are old and can't possibly teach him anything. You just don't understand! Typical teen. Just let it roll off your back.

[Anonymous]

In fairness, some adults really are dumb. And sometimes they make pointless rules or restrictions.

I was never a rebellious kid, but I did (and still do) have a certain amount of contempt for busy-work, rules imposed without good reason, and rules that unfairly target specific age groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or otherwise have huge chips on their shoulders...is this a mental illness? A product of poor parenting or parental neglect? Like seriously what is this? I feel like the frequency in which this occurs is increasing exponentially. I’m talking beyond normal rebellion - most 15-25 year old boys do NOT act this way.

Example: (and don’t fixate on the specific example - but I am seeing this type of thing more and more in all areas of life)

Normal rebellion: group of teens at neighborhood pool play loud music in violation of rules, but turns it off when requested by lifeguard/pool staff to do so.

Not normal but occurring more often: same thing as above but when asks to turn it off becomes belligerent, entitled, curses, refuses or is otherwise rude to pool staff.

Well, it's kind of trendy right now....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was one of those hard headed teens. I just truly felt I was more knowledgeable than adults. I couldn’t see past what I deemed their ignorance when in reality - it was my own.

I had a great home life - didn’t see if they way at the time I just went thru the angst phase. I wanted to be free of all rules, etc... wore black all the time. Went completely goth.

I like to see this. I have a teenage son and a daughter. My teenage son’s instinctive reaction to any sort of authority lately seems to push back. He was such an easy going kid. And now, I feel like he’s challenging everything. And he is definitely the smartest person in the house, in his own eyes. We apparently cannot teach him anything.

This is normal for teenagers. You are old and can't possibly teach him anything. You just don't understand! Typical teen. Just let it roll off your back.

I think it's pretty normal too. Obnoxious as hell, but normal. Choose your fights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or otherwise have huge chips on their shoulders...is this a mental illness? A product of poor parenting or parental neglect? Like seriously what is this? I feel like the frequency in which this occurs is increasing exponentially. I’m talking beyond normal rebellion - most 15-25 year old boys do NOT act this way.

Example: (and don’t fixate on the specific example - but I am seeing this type of thing more and more in all areas of life)

Normal rebellion: group of teens at neighborhood pool play loud music in violation of rules, but turns it off when requested by lifeguard/pool staff to do so.

Not normal but occurring more often: same thing as above but when asks to turn it off becomes belligerent, entitled, curses, refuses or is otherwise rude to pool staff.

Well, it's kind of trendy right now....

It’s not trendy. It’s poor parenting. Indulging these children, lack of manners, and respect for themselves and others. If your child acts this way to others, you have failed as a parent.