Being friends with ex

[Anonymous]

My ex would like to be friends. I've never done this before. When it's over, it's over. With this ex a large part of our romantic relationship, was based on friendship. However, I still don't see how a platonic friendship could work after you've been romantic with someone. If you've been friends with an ex, how did you make this work? What about jealous, and possible lingering romantic feelings. PLEASE DO NOT USE THIS THREAD TO TALK ABOUT ALL THE REASON PEOPLE SHOULDN'T BE FRIENDS WITH THEIR EX.

[Anonymous]

I mean you don't want to hear it because you know its a bad idea.

I was friends with my ex until I met my DH and it became incredibly clear it could not continue.

So I guess rest assured it will work out fine until there's someone else in the picture. But a side effect of the friendship might mean its a long time until there IS someone else in the picture.

[Anonymous]

It can be done, but not right away. you need a cooling off period of at least 6 months. By then, you'll both have moved on enough to mitigate everything else.

[Anonymous]

Good luck with future relationship partners being ok with you being close friends with an ex

I wouldn’t be ok with that

[Anonymous]

How old are you two?

[Anonymous]

I'm (just barely) friends with one, not with others.

[Anonymous]

I see no reason why you can't be friendly--a call/email/text here and there. I wouldn't go much past that though. It's difficult to move on unless you cut ties.

[Anonymous]

I tried to be friends with one for about a year. We would still talk and hang out in group settings. That was until I found he was desperately trying to get back together so I had to just end the friendship.

[Anonymous]

I had an ex I really cared for, just not romantically. We would occasionally call, but never get together. Eventually it just faded away.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it is possible if one of you still has feelings. I thought I was friends with an ex in my 20s. We would talk on the phone occasionally and he would sometimes stop by my apartment unannounced and hang out with me and my roommate or he would show up with his friends at the same bar as me and my friends and we would hang out a little. One day he stopped by and I had a new boyfriend. It was really uncomfortable and awkward. He never stopped by after that and the phone calls kind of died off. Then he showed up at my sisters house one day in tears telling her how much he loved me and didn't know what to do. I never realized he was still in love with me because I was really enjoying our friendship. He was a great friend, just not who I was looking for in a relationship. I think woman are capable of separating the two, guys not so much.

[Anonymous]

I have tried and either (1) the guy is cold and wants almost nothing to do with you or (2) they guy seems like your best friend but he actually wants to get back together. I don't think it exists.

[Anonymous]

Not possible, sorry. Once one of you moves on now a serious relationship with someone else it can't continue

[Anonymous]

There's usually too much water under the bridge to stay friends with an ex. And if you think about it, staying in touch is keeping your life in the past.

[Anonymous]

I tried to be friends with my ex. He left me, I still have feelings for him. Until just recently after losing our dog, she passed from old age. I realized that he didn’t care for my feelings.

Example, they day our dog passed he texted asking how I was. I was honest in my feelings. Losing the dog brought up a lot of grief. He replied he had those feelings as well, he misses not just the dog but everything.

Over the last few months he’s texted and spoken things similar to that. Not even in response to a shared loss. He took our children to the beach, texted “so weird not having you here”.

He doesn’t want to work on our relationship, so every time he does this it’s confusing for me.

I cut him out completely as much as I can, our children are in college, senior in high school.

Being friendly with him opens me up for more heartbreak, it’s not gonna work for me.

[Anonymous]

OP I am friends with two long term ex BFs. My DH is friends with one of them.

But we're British and this is not unusual in the UK.

I think it can be done if you genuinely both are in the same place and wish to remain friends.

No hugging, no intimate language or private sharing. Change your shared vocabulary. That's a good place to start.