Being friends with ex

[Anonymous]

Does your ex actually mean this or just trying to let you down easy?

To me this depends on the nature of the relationship, if you knew eachother werer friendly before dating, if you have kids together...

I also think you have to define the boundaries what do you mean by friendship? Do you expect regular phone calls/texts and hanging out?

Or do you just mean not trying to sabotage the other.

[Anonymous]

In my experience when someone says this it's sort of an empty gesture. Kinda like how some use the "it's not you it's me" line.

Or they are narcissitic and sort of like having exes as friends kind of like collectibles.


Or they are trying to keep you areound as a booty call or get back tpgether if things don't work out with whomever they are leaving you for.

[Anonymous]

I stayed friends with the boyfriends of my high school and college years and it was easy because we were all friends before we dated and part of the same friend group.

An ex from a more recent relationship resurfaced after 3 years of no contact. We've been friendly for about a year. Before the pandemic, we'd get together for lunch every now and then and we still chat regularly. But, it does get a little awkward sometimes because he seems to want something more than friendship and I've been clear that friendship is all we can have. Once the forced distancing ends, I'm not sure what will happen with the friendly relationship, if he pushes for more.

I think it's possible to stay friends, but it works better if you've had a clean break for a meaningful period of time before reconnecting, like a PP said.

[Anonymous]

It is best to just cut the cord. I really wasn't ready for a relationship and he wanted more. We dated for a little over a year. I cared for him deeply, but I knew he wasn't the one. He broke up with me because he sensed that. I enjoyed him as friend and we had a lingering friendship for a about 2 years. Problem was he became extremely jealous when I began dating someone new. I never meant to hurt him, I just liked him more as a friend than a boyfriend. I think being friends was his way of holding on to me and that wasn't right for him. it probably would have been better to just cut the cord.

[Anonymous]

I am about to end a relationship in large part due to my SO not being able to cut the cord with not one, but several, ex's. It's super strange and the poster that noted the side effect may be that there is a long time before someone else comes along is right. New people find out about these inappropriate relationships and they're gone, and rightfully so.

[Anonymous]

I had a BF that was still friends with an Ex and her family. I would unintentionally feel very insecure when any of them were mentioned. It was a hard thing for me to handle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am about to end a relationship in large part due to my SO not being able to cut the cord with not one, but several, ex's. It's super strange and the poster that noted the side effect may be that there is a long time before someone else comes along is right. New people find out about these inappropriate relationships and they're gone, and rightfully so.

I'm in the same situation with my GF. She just can't break away entirely from the ex and is still in CO tack with exes before him. She would never put up with me doing that but she makes her own rules which arent going to work for me going forward. It's tough because I've been with her for 5 years but this never ends and she lies about it

[Anonymous]

I am dating someone who insisted he should remain friends with his ex gf. He tried to be as reassuring to me as he could but it definitely created tension because I knew he had very strong feelings for her and they’d talked marriage. They didn’t see each other much-/few and far between and mostly big group happy hours. But then I met her at one of these happy hour and she was downright rude to me. He noticed this behavior and said something to her. Since then, they have stopped hanging out and they’ve only communicated very occasionally. She texted once at 2am and again, he told her this was completely inappropriate. Since then, it’s been quiet.

[Anonymous]

As pps pointed out I think this an only work when neither party has feelings for the other any more, and would not become jealous or contribute to jealousy when a new partnert enters the picture okay with boundaries.