Will marriage counseling save my marriage?

[Anonymous]

Married for ten years with two kids. Have been fighting since kid #1. I resent him a lot of the time for hurtful things he has done (or not done) and he resents me for being mad at him all the time. He says he loves me, but he doesn’t act like he likes me and I don’t really like him a lot of the time anymore either. He thinks the marriage is fine, other than me being mad at him all the time. I’m just wondering if this is a marriage that can be fixed with counseling.

[Anonymous]

Hard telling. But this seems like the sort of marriage that maybe has a shot at improving with counseling. If he's resistant, maybe try individual counseling first to sort out which parts of your anger are reasonably directed at him and those parts, if any, which are not.

You can learn coping strategies for sources of anger that are your own deal. You can both learn strategies to deal with sources of anger that arise out of the relationship itself.

[Anonymous]

Honestly that all sounds really straightforward and common. A good therapist can help you for sure, if you’re both willing to put in the work.

[Anonymous]

I think you should start with individual counseling first.

you are mad all the time
you feel x, y, z
you blame him for x, y, z
you resent him
you don't like him

Don't drag him through the mud until you tidy up yourself first a little.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my DH and I found it helpful. We had a lot of resentment after our first kid was born, mostly around chores and perceptions of who did what. Counseling helped a lot with those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly that all sounds really straightforward and common. A good therapist can help you for sure, if you’re both willing to put in the work.

+1

This feels like what marriage counseling is made for. Go NOW though - every day you wait, the chance of it working goes down.

[Anonymous]

What are you mad about?
What hurtful things has he done?

Are these deal breakers (affair) or does he forget to load the dishwasher?

[Anonymous]

It's not going to work if you go into it thinking only he needs fixing, not you.

[Anonymous]

Possibly. What are you mad about?

[Anonymous]

Only the two of you, together, can save your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should start with individual counseling first.

you are mad all the time
you feel x, y, z
you blame him for x, y, z
you resent him
you don't like him

Don't drag him through the mud until you tidy up yourself first a little.

Start individual therapy first to learn how to cope with him and get a sounding board for wtf is actually going on here. And get yourself stronger to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Nope... Get out. You’re delaying the inevitable

[Anonymous]

Gotta say, DW and I are in the same boat. Lots of resentment between us. Small stuff just building up throughout the years. No abuse, cheating,, etc.

I decided that I'm not going to live my life with resentment and am trying to let all of the hurt feelings go. I feel like a weight has been lifted at least temporarily. I imagine if we don't address some of the underlying communication issue the resentment may build again. For now, however, it's very liberating and has made a difference

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope... Get out. You’re delaying the inevitable

Haha. Great imitation of a dcum poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope... Get out. You’re delaying the inevitable

Haha. Great imitation of a dcum poster.

I call it as I see it. Why prolong the pain? Life is too short to be and stay miserable. With all the people in the world, I bet there’s someone out there for this person and they won’t be miserable.