Get a General Durable POA now!!

[Anonymous]

My Mom has dementia and refuses to move. My Dad’s health isn’t great and he is struggling to take care of her. He wants to move to a retirement community near me. Mom refuses to sign paperwork to sell the house “because nothing is wrong with her”. They need the proceeds from the house to get into the retirement community.

Luckily, they have General Durable Power of Attorney and he can sell without her signature. This is going to save us the hassle of going to court and getting a conservatorship.

If you have aging parents, make sure they have all the proper documents!!

[Anonymous]

Most people’s problem is they can’t get their parents to set-up/complete/sign the paperwork.

I think people understand why it’s useful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people’s problem is they can’t get their parents to set-up/complete/sign the paperwork.

I think people understand why it’s useful.

Yes this.

My mom is making it easy for me. She's already put my name on her bank accounts, and I know she'd be the first to suggest a POA is she had any sort of diagnosis.

My father (parents divorced) though is an entirely different story. I suspect he will want to hold the reins as long as possible and it will be harder than it needs to be.

[Anonymous]

That doesn't give you the right to take POA and overrule her decision not to want to move. In order to get court guardianship she'd need to be a lot worse off than that. You sound slimy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That doesn't give you the right to take POA and overrule her decision not to want to move. In order to get court guardianship she'd need to be a lot worse off than that. You sound slimy.

Sounds like you don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That doesn't give you the right to take POA and overrule her decision not to want to move. In order to get court guardianship she'd need to be a lot worse off than that. You sound slimy.

Sounds like you don’t get it.

OP here— have you ever dealt with dementia? She can’t make decisions in her best interest. She wants to stay in that house because she still thinks she’s the same person she was 5 years ago. She has no idea of all the things she forgets. Or that she is asking the same question repeatedly. Or that she yells at my Dad for HOURS on end until she starts to physically assault him. (She made him bleed. And 2 mins later she is shocked that he is bleeding, asking him what happened and if she can help)

So yeah, I’m slimy because I want what’s best for her at a time that she doesn’t realize any is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That doesn't give you the right to take POA and overrule her decision not to want to move. In order to get court guardianship she'd need to be a lot worse off than that. You sound slimy.

Sounds like you don’t get it.

OP here— have you ever dealt with dementia? She can’t make decisions in her best interest. She wants to stay in that house because she still thinks she’s the same person she was 5 years ago. She has no idea of all the things she forgets. Or that she is asking the same question repeatedly. Or that she yells at my Dad for HOURS on end until she starts to physically assault him. (She made him bleed. And 2 mins later she is shocked that he is bleeding, asking him what happened and if she can help)

So yeah, I’m slimy because I want what’s best for her at a time that she doesn’t realize any is wrong.

I’m a different poster. That doesn’t mean you can force her to move. That is guardianship or conservatorship, not POA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That doesn't give you the right to take POA and overrule her decision not to want to move. In order to get court guardianship she'd need to be a lot worse off than that. You sound slimy.

Sounds like you don’t get it.

OP here— have you ever dealt with dementia? She can’t make decisions in her best interest. She wants to stay in that house because she still thinks she’s the same person she was 5 years ago. She has no idea of all the things she forgets. Or that she is asking the same question repeatedly. Or that she yells at my Dad for HOURS on end until she starts to physically assault him. (She made him bleed. And 2 mins later she is shocked that he is bleeding, asking him what happened and if she can help)

So yeah, I’m slimy because I want what’s best for her at a time that she doesn’t realize any is wrong.

Are you serious to assume we haven't? Yes, I have. I took care of my MIL for a year in my home, then got her into a medicaid bed and was there a few times a week to manage things. Nursing home was horrible about many things so I ended up getting guardianship and social security rep. payee. I think I know a little more about it than you. You don't get dementia. Moving her would be one of the worst things you can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That doesn't give you the right to take POA and overrule her decision not to want to move. In order to get court guardianship she'd need to be a lot worse off than that. You sound slimy.

Sounds like you don’t get it.

OP here— have you ever dealt with dementia? She can’t make decisions in her best interest. She wants to stay in that house because she still thinks she’s the same person she was 5 years ago. She has no idea of all the things she forgets. Or that she is asking the same question repeatedly. Or that she yells at my Dad for HOURS on end until she starts to physically assault him. (She made him bleed. And 2 mins later she is shocked that he is bleeding, asking him what happened and if she can help)

So yeah, I’m slimy because I want what’s best for her at a time that she doesn’t realize any is wrong.

I’m a different poster. That doesn’t mean you can force her to move. That is guardianship or conservatorship, not POA.

NP - I don't know if it is the same in all states, but generally a POA can only be acted upon if the person has been declared incompentent by their doctor (or two separate doctors). I am designted as the POA for my mother (both durable and medical) but I couldn't force her do sell her home or put her in any kind of assisted care unless her doctor signed off on it. And she's still very sharp, but there is a sad pattern of dementia among her many siblings. Her four older siblings all developed dementia in their mid-eighties, so she wanted to be prepared. The lawyer who drew up the POA talked to my mother separately to make sure she knew what was happening; the POAs are several pages and my mom had to initial each part that had to do with medical and financial wishes and permissions.

To an earlier poster who said that as soon as a diagnosis was made, they would plan to get designated as POA for a parent, sometimes that is too late. The POA must be agreed upon by both parties, and if the person is already incapacitated, you would have to go to court and get guardianship, which can be much more onerous. My aunt had a sudden stroke which caused substantial cognitive decline, making her incredibly paranoid and combative. The only way we were able to get her the help she needed immediately (through her doctor) was that she had designated my mom as POA some 10 years before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That doesn't give you the right to take POA and overrule her decision not to want to move. In order to get court guardianship she'd need to be a lot worse off than that. You sound slimy.

Sounds like you don’t get it.

OP here— have you ever dealt with dementia? She can’t make decisions in her best interest. She wants to stay in that house because she still thinks she’s the same person she was 5 years ago. She has no idea of all the things she forgets. Or that she is asking the same question repeatedly. Or that she yells at my Dad for HOURS on end until she starts to physically assault him. (She made him bleed. And 2 mins later she is shocked that he is bleeding, asking him what happened and if she can help)

So yeah, I’m slimy because I want what’s best for her at a time that she doesn’t realize any is wrong.

I’m a different poster. That doesn’t mean you can force her to move. That is guardianship or conservatorship, not POA.

NP - I don't know if it is the same in all states, but generally a POA can only be acted upon if the person has been declared incompentent by their doctor (or two separate doctors). I am designted as the POA for my mother (both durable and medical) but I couldn't force her do sell her home or put her in any kind of assisted care unless her doctor signed off on it. And she's still very sharp, but there is a sad pattern of dementia among her many siblings. Her four older siblings all developed dementia in their mid-eighties, so she wanted to be prepared. The lawyer who drew up the POA talked to my mother separately to make sure she knew what was happening; the POAs are several pages and my mom had to initial each part that had to do with medical and financial wishes and permissions.

To an earlier poster who said that as soon as a diagnosis was made, they would plan to get designated as POA for a parent, sometimes that is too late. The POA must be agreed upon by both parties, and if the person is already incapacitated, you would have to go to court and get guardianship, which can be much more onerous. My aunt had a sudden stroke which caused substantial cognitive decline, making her incredibly paranoid and combative. The only way we were able to get her the help she needed immediately (through her doctor) was that she had designated my mom as POA some 10 years before.

Not sure if it matters by state, but my parent’s General Durable POA was effective once it was signed, according to their lawyer. . There was no need to be declared incompetent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people’s problem is they can’t get their parents to set-up/complete/sign the paperwork.

I think people understand why it’s useful.

Yes this.

My mom is making it easy for me. She's already put my name on her bank accounts, and I know she'd be the first to suggest a POA is she had any sort of diagnosis.

My father (parents divorced) though is an entirely different story. I suspect he will want to hold the reins as long as possible and it will be harder than it needs to be.

You don’t get it. You need to get your mom to give you the poa now, before something happens to her. Once someone has dementia or gets sick you may not be able to get her to give you poa. Get it now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That doesn't give you the right to take POA and overrule her decision not to want to move. In order to get court guardianship she'd need to be a lot worse off than that. You sound slimy.

Sounds like you don’t get it.

OP here— have you ever dealt with dementia? She can’t make decisions in her best interest. She wants to stay in that house because she still thinks she’s the same person she was 5 years ago. She has no idea of all the things she forgets. Or that she is asking the same question repeatedly. Or that she yells at my Dad for HOURS on end until she starts to physically assault him. (She made him bleed. And 2 mins later she is shocked that he is bleeding, asking him what happened and if she can help)

So yeah, I’m slimy because I want what’s best for her at a time that she doesn’t realize any is wrong.

Are you serious to assume we haven't? Yes, I have. I took care of my MIL for a year in my home, then got her into a medicaid bed and was there a few times a week to manage things. Nursing home was horrible about many things so I ended up getting guardianship and social security rep. payee. I think I know a little more about it than you. You don't get dementia. Moving her would be one of the worst things you can do.

My Mom is in the early stages. This is the best time to move her. My Dad is frail and can’t take care of her by himself. And the physical abuse is getting worse. I need them close to me so I can help both of them.

And if you took care of your MIL in your home, you had to move her, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That doesn't give you the right to take POA and overrule her decision not to want to move. In order to get court guardianship she'd need to be a lot worse off than that. You sound slimy.

Sounds like you don’t get it.

OP here— have you ever dealt with dementia? She can’t make decisions in her best interest. She wants to stay in that house because she still thinks she’s the same person she was 5 years ago. She has no idea of all the things she forgets. Or that she is asking the same question repeatedly. Or that she yells at my Dad for HOURS on end until she starts to physically assault him. (She made him bleed. And 2 mins later she is shocked that he is bleeding, asking him what happened and if she can help)

So yeah, I’m slimy because I want what’s best for her at a time that she doesn’t realize any is wrong.

I’m a different poster. That doesn’t mean you can force her to move. That is guardianship or conservatorship, not POA.

NP - I don't know if it is the same in all states, but generally a POA can only be acted upon if the person has been declared incompentent by their doctor (or two separate doctors). I am designted as the POA for my mother (both durable and medical) but I couldn't force her do sell her home or put her in any kind of assisted care unless her doctor signed off on it. And she's still very sharp, but there is a sad pattern of dementia among her many siblings. Her four older siblings all developed dementia in their mid-eighties, so she wanted to be prepared. The lawyer who drew up the POA talked to my mother separately to make sure she knew what was happening; the POAs are several pages and my mom had to initial each part that had to do with medical and financial wishes and permissions.

To an earlier poster who said that as soon as a diagnosis was made, they would plan to get designated as POA for a parent, sometimes that is too late. The POA must be agreed upon by both parties, and if the person is already incapacitated, you would have to go to court and get guardianship, which can be much more onerous. My aunt had a sudden stroke which caused substantial cognitive decline, making her incredibly paranoid and combative. The only way we were able to get her the help she needed immediately (through her doctor) was that she had designated my mom as POA some 10 years before.

Not sure if it matters by state, but my parent’s General Durable POA was effective once it was signed, according to their lawyer. . There was no need to be declared incompetent.

Some powers are springing, which means they are not in effect until triggered by incapacitation, and one way of proving incapacity can be to have a doctor sign off. Another goes into effect immediately even when the person is healthy. It’s better to have to be in effect even when the person is healthy. That way you don’t have to get the person declared incapacitated, which can be difficult and sad.

[Anonymous]

My brother has POA for my mom who has Alzheimer's but when my dad died, we could not have my brother sign away her rights to contest the will. We had to go through the courts since she could not sign herself. My dad died a year ago and the court process is still ongoing. I honestly don't remember all the details but having a POA does not solve everything (at least in NY state).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That doesn't give you the right to take POA and overrule her decision not to want to move. In order to get court guardianship she'd need to be a lot worse off than that. You sound slimy.

Sounds like you don’t get it.

OP here— have you ever dealt with dementia? She can’t make decisions in her best interest. She wants to stay in that house because she still thinks she’s the same person she was 5 years ago. She has no idea of all the things she forgets. Or that she is asking the same question repeatedly. Or that she yells at my Dad for HOURS on end until she starts to physically assault him. (She made him bleed. And 2 mins later she is shocked that he is bleeding, asking him what happened and if she can help)

So yeah, I’m slimy because I want what’s best for her at a time that she doesn’t realize any is wrong.

Are you serious to assume we haven't? Yes, I have. I took care of my MIL for a year in my home, then got her into a medicaid bed and was there a few times a week to manage things. Nursing home was horrible about many things so I ended up getting guardianship and social security rep. payee. I think I know a little more about it than you. You don't get dementia. Moving her would be one of the worst things you can do.

My Mom is in the early stages. This is the best time to move her. My Dad is frail and can’t take care of her by himself. And the physical abuse is getting worse. I need them close to me so I can help both of them.

And if you took care of your MIL in your home, you had to move her, right?

We moved her as she was living with someone who claimed she was a caretaker who was taking advantage of her and stole all her money and belongings and was doing other shady stuff and my MIL wasn't able to care for herself. She had no home, no money and other family refused to help. There was no other option and she agreed to come. You situation is very different.