Realizing I live in 2 worlds....

[Anonymous]

I did not grow up in this country. I came to the states for my last year of HS and then went to college and gradschool. Washington DC was my hub during the time my parents were here and since my dad is a diplomat my friends were mainly children of that circle. Now, I have friends from everywhere and from all backgrounds and I love it. However, I recently started to be aware that my international friends relate to me in a different way than my American friends do.I use to treat everyone the same and be the same with both groups but little by little I started customizing my behavior. I have realized now that no matter I do I will always be "the non-American" maybe because I still have an accent? how do you see people from other countries? do you immediately assume something from the way they talk? gosh, I feel I have been living in a bubble all of a sudden and now that I am concious of every subtle behavior towards me I feel I stand in 2 places with 2 different identities.
Do you have international friends? do you see them as different even though they come from your same economic group? I think the accent is the problem here.

[Anonymous]

People make assumptions about others all the time based on all sorts of characteristics. It doesn't just apply to Americans/non-Americans. Think about it, there's probably some things about people you unconsciously judge based on outward appearances. But once you get to know that person, it's just them and not some stereotypical version of a person you might have thought s/he was.

[Anonymous]

OP, DC is a very judgmental area. It is not for everyone. If you are well traveled and educated, you may wish to see other places.

[Anonymous]

DC is the opposite of judgemental. I walk around and see more varieties of ethnicity than almost anywhere else in the country..and everyone seems to be living well together. I do think the DC is overly pc though so instead of someone asking about your accent and talking about your heritage..they avoid it so as not to be rude. I wouldn't worry about it too much unless you think your accent is so heavy that it may be hard for you to be understood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC is the opposite of judgemental. I walk around and see more varieties of ethnicity than almost anywhere else in the country..and everyone seems to be living well together. I do think the DC is overly pc though so instead of someone asking about your accent and talking about your heritage..they avoid it so as not to be rude. I wouldn't worry about it too much unless you think your accent is so heavy that it may be hard for you to be understood.

I totally agree - and think you're sometimes (maybe even often) better off having an identifiably foreign accent than some of the regional American accents. When I went to college, I realized that most people didn't talk the way we did back home (think Appalachia) and they assumed a lot about me because of my accent. Many people do the same thing when they hear the accents from Philly, the Bronx, the Valley, etc. Not being aware of it would be like not noticing someones gender or race. The impressions aren't always bad. I love hearing the native Piedmont accent in Virginia. It's beautiful.

[Anonymous]

I'm don't have a lot of international experience, but it might be more subtle cultural things--either on how they look at your behavior or behave themselves. Like how often you communicate, what do you like to talk about.... It seems to me that Americans can be less open with hospitality, etc.

[Anonymous]

I am in the same boat - came to the US for last year of high school, then went to college etc. here. I've lived in other places in the US and I think the DC area is very accepting of international background. I accept the fact that you will never be 100% American, nor would I want to be. I don't have an accent anymore, and my married name would give no indication of my background. In a way, I want to preserve that other half of me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is the opposite of judgemental. I walk around and see more varieties of ethnicity than almost anywhere else in the country..and everyone seems to be living well together. I do think the DC is overly pc though so instead of someone asking about your accent and talking about your heritage..they avoid it so as not to be rude. I wouldn't worry about it too much unless you think your accent is so heavy that it may be hard for you to be understood.

I totally agree - and think you're sometimes (maybe even often) better off having an identifiably foreign accent than some of the regional American accents. When I went to college, I realized that most people didn't talk the way we did back home (think Appalachia) and they assumed a lot about me because of my accent. Many people do the same thing when they hear the accents from Philly, the Bronx, the Valley, etc. Not being aware of it would be like not noticing someones gender or race. The impressions aren't always bad. I love hearing the native Piedmont accent in Virginia. It's beautiful.

It's funny how you Americans believe that just because there are no bombings or fights between groups we're all living well together.
The "melting pot" IS A JOKE!!!!
If this place was a real melting pot everybody's skin would be BROWN and there would be no people with red and yellow hair.
Here there's a neighborhood for this color, another for people from that area of the globe, a church for people from that ethnicity... what kind of melting pot is that?
If the melting pot was real we would see all colors, shapes and sizes together sharing and eventually BLENDING. What doesn't happen here.

Vent off, now back to OP's question. I'm from another country and came to US a little later than you. I'm the first person in my family to learn another language and my parents were workers in a farm so our background is different but I guess I know what you mean. I also have 2 very distinct circles and in my opinion the difference between how they treat us is based on their own experiences and origin. The "international" group is made mostly of immigrants - like me - or children of immigrants so they see us like one of them. The "natives" group is made mostly of American born, children of American born parents so they have no connection to our "status". They have so many questions about our citizenship status, how we manage the language and cultural differences... in the end all this questions stay in between and the relationship itself gets a bit "lost" among all this questions.

I've been working very very hard on diminishing my accent mostly because I want to learn the language, not because I'm ashamed of it. Before learning English I learned 2 other languages to be able to pursue a Master degree and while it's not easy it is possible. What bothers me the most is my writing skills and I've noticed that depending on the group I'm in they have different reactions. For example here, people focus on your bad grammar/spelling to try to break your argumentation (what's really funny to me) but for example in school people see it and when they're close to me they try to teach me (I always make sure to tell them to please point me my mistakes when I meet them so they feel comfortable approaching me).
When I tell people how long I've been learning English they're amazed to see how much I've learned in such a little time. Some people have more difficulty than others and there are lots of different techniques to reduce your accent. I love singing along reading the lyrics of the songs. It has helped me A LOT!

Back to your question again OP... I guess it also comes to other points, not only accent, when they "judge" us:
I used to dress in clothes from my home country so the treatment was totally different - have you read the burqa thread? - from what I get now that I'm wearing "American" clothing.
Also trying to adapt to the majority's behavior like shaking hands instead of doing like we do back home - have you read the "shoes off policy" thread? - I learned to always ask if I should keep my shoes on or off when entering people's home.
Some things will never change like the shape of my eyes/body, the color of my skin or my height but whatever I can do to blend in with the crowd I'll try to do. It was not easy in the beginning but it's all part of the adaptation. And I guess it will never end. Now that we're having a baby there are so many aspects of our culture we want to keep alive. It raises so many questions in my mind about our child's identity... anyway...

Once I became a more "normal" person to their eyes the questions went from "where in the world are you from" to "oh I noticed you have an accent, are you from another state?" when they're nice... but even the mean people changed... from "go back to your country" in the beginning to "did you skip school?" now that my grammar is still bad but the accent and appearance are not that noticeable.

So, bottom line: please don't worry about having an accent or whatever you think makes you different. We have to do what makes us comfortable. In the end we're all ignorant about each other and we all should learn from each other.
I came here without knowing what a dishwasher was and people assumed we didn't use toilet paper in my country so we all have lessons to learn and to teach.

ps. I laughed out loud reading the thread about the person trying to turn on the gas stove and assuming it would work without the electric spark.

[Anonymous]

You say your international friends and your American friends treat you differently. But do the Americans treat you differently than they treat other Americans? And what kinds of differences do you see?

I'm an American who has spent time in other countries (between 3 months and 10 months in three different places). I sometimes thought about staying permanently but realized I would always feel somewhat of an outsider. I think the phenomenon of being an expatriat--an expat--is very common. I tried to make friends but often found myself gravitating to other American or Canadians with similar backgrounds. Natives of those countries often seemed stand-offish. I realized that had I stayed, I would have always been slightly on the outside.

Now back in the U.S., I gravitate toward people who have had international experiences of all kinds--whether Americans who have traveled or people who originated in other countries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is the opposite of judgemental. I walk around and see more varieties of ethnicity than almost anywhere else in the country..and everyone seems to be living well together. I do think the DC is overly pc though so instead of someone asking about your accent and talking about your heritage..they avoid it so as not to be rude. I wouldn't worry about it too much unless you think your accent is so heavy that it may be hard for you to be understood.

I totally agree - and think you're sometimes (maybe even often) better off having an identifiably foreign accent than some of the regional American accents. When I went to college, I realized that most people didn't talk the way we did back home (think Appalachia) and they assumed a lot about me because of my accent. Many people do the same thing when they hear the accents from Philly, the Bronx, the Valley, etc. Not being aware of it would be like not noticing someones gender or race. The impressions aren't always bad. I love hearing the native Piedmont accent in Virginia. It's beautiful.

It's funny how you Americans believe that just because there are no bombings or fights between groups we're all living well together.
The "melting pot" IS A JOKE!!!!
If this place was a real melting pot everybody's skin would be BROWN and there would be no people with red and yellow hair.
Here there's a neighborhood for this color, another for people from that area of the globe, a church for people from that ethnicity... what kind of melting pot is that?
If the melting pot was real we would see all colors, shapes and sizes together sharing and eventually BLENDING. What doesn't happen here.

Vent off, now back to OP's question. I'm from another country and came to US a little later than you. I'm the first person in my family to learn another language and my parents were workers in a farm so our background is different but I guess I know what you mean. I also have 2 very distinct circles and in my opinion the difference between how they treat us is based on their own experiences and origin. The "international" group is made mostly of immigrants - like me - or children of immigrants so they see us like one of them. The "natives" group is made mostly of American born, children of American born parents so they have no connection to our "status". They have so many questions about our citizenship status, how we manage the language and cultural differences... in the end all this questions stay in between and the relationship itself gets a bit "lost" among all this questions.

I've been working very very hard on diminishing my accent mostly because I want to learn the language, not because I'm ashamed of it. Before learning English I learned 2 other languages to be able to pursue a Master degree and while it's not easy it is possible. What bothers me the most is my writing skills and I've noticed that depending on the group I'm in they have different reactions. For example here, people focus on your bad grammar/spelling to try to break your argumentation (what's really funny to me) but for example in school people see it and when they're close to me they try to teach me (I always make sure to tell them to please point me my mistakes when I meet them so they feel comfortable approaching me).
When I tell people how long I've been learning English they're amazed to see how much I've learned in such a little time. Some people have more difficulty than others and there are lots of different techniques to reduce your accent. I love singing along reading the lyrics of the songs. It has helped me A LOT!

Back to your question again OP... I guess it also comes to other points, not only accent, when they "judge" us:
I used to dress in clothes from my home country so the treatment was totally different - have you read the burqa thread? - from what I get now that I'm wearing "American" clothing.
Also trying to adapt to the majority's behavior like shaking hands instead of doing like we do back home - have you read the "shoes off policy" thread? - I learned to always ask if I should keep my shoes on or off when entering people's home.
Some things will never change like the shape of my eyes/body, the color of my skin or my height but whatever I can do to blend in with the crowd I'll try to do. It was not easy in the beginning but it's all part of the adaptation. And I guess it will never end. Now that we're having a baby there are so many aspects of our culture we want to keep alive. It raises so many questions in my mind about our child's identity... anyway...

Once I became a more "normal" person to their eyes the questions went from "where in the world are you from" to "oh I noticed you have an accent, are you from another state?" when they're nice... but even the mean people changed... from "go back to your country" in the beginning to "did you skip school?" now that my grammar is still bad but the accent and appearance are not that noticeable.

So, bottom line: please don't worry about having an accent or whatever you think makes you different. We have to do what makes us comfortable. In the end we're all ignorant about each other and we all should learn from each other.
I came here without knowing what a dishwasher was and people assumed we didn't use toilet paper in my country so we all have lessons to learn and to teach.

ps. I laughed out loud reading the thread about the person trying to turn on the gas stove and assuming it would work without the electric spark.

You make no sense.

[Anonymous]

you are a 3rd culture adult. In other words you have grown into 2 very different cultures, and in a way formed a one of your own that blends in into those environments, when needed.

Congratulations, you are truly one of a kind.

Me too
I speak 3 languages fairly fluently, 2 others not so well. I read news and follow discussion forums in different parts of the world. I sometimes feel like a spy. Because I fully understand the language and customs of a far away place, but do not completely feel that I own it.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes I speak not only my native language but other 2 besides English. My accent is not too thick but it is obvious. My American friends treat me not differently than my international friends, I guess the problem is with people that do not know me and do not know my background. I am sorry if I can not pinpoint the difference, this is very new to me since before I used to be oblivious to this. I used to immediately interact with Americans without thinking that they might already have assigned an identity to me, I treat them as equals but they probably already relate to me as a "minority", a category that I hate to be put into since it has lots of negative connotations. I do have a daughter and wonder how is she going to relate to this environment. She already has parents from different nationalities living in the US.

[Anonymous]

13:13, I never felt the need to fit in, I took it for granted that I was in already. What you did when abroad is what here is called ghetoization, you try to find your equals sometimes you live in the same areas and socialize only with them. That is not my case since my friend, although from other countries, function in English speaking environments:school related or work related. I know there are certain things I share with my international friends that I do not share with Americans but that is probably the same even within friends of a same culture.

[Anonymous]

I don't quite get this post. I mean, even though I may notice that somebody has an accent, I'd never assume that they aren't American simply b/c of that accent. I grew up in this area and half my friends parents are immigrants. They are also U.S. citizens and their children are completely assimilated.

I mean - this is DC - it really IS a melting pot. That doesn't mean everybody will fit in, but if you don't feel that you fit in, I wouldn't assume it is b/c of your accent or not growing up here. I never fit in in certain US cities either (e.g., Boston) - just a personality thing.

I guess I am just confused by this thread b/c of course people notice your different ethnicity - just like you notice mine (white, no-accent). But are you being treated differently in some way? You say you are not....or at least haven't pointed out in what way you are being treated differently. Did something happen to make you feel this way?

[Anonymous]

melting pot?
HA

HA

HA