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Realizing I live in 2 worlds....
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Anonymous
You are overwrought. And a little mean. Also, you just dated yourself. |
Anonymous
I didn't read thru all the posts but this one stuck out to me. When I first read OP's post I thought "hello, you could be talking about being a minority in mainstream America". In any case where you aren't "mainstream" whatever that means to the case, there will be a feeling of having friends that you don't have to give the background story because for whatever reason they get it, and others that are nice people but maybe don't have the background knowledge. One thing I learned when I lived in NJ/NY there were a lot of us that lived in two worlds for different reasons. At work, we were all consultants and you might have noted on the outside we covered the range of ethnicity but for obvious reasons at work you would to bring out the things that are similar not different among you and co-workers. However, when you spent some time outside of work, you realized there were a lot of strong ties to various cultures. Some people were children of Chinese immigrants and among other people of the same background there were a lot of things that were understood. Some had parents that came here from India and their parents had ties to organizations (professional or otherwise) that gave them the opportunity to socialize with other people in similar situations. For several people it was understood that they helped out paying for their brother/sisters to go to school it wasn't just a matter of paying back your own school loans. But again if you talked at company events it was Seinfield and what happened on Friends or probably in today's terms "who you thought would be voted off American Idol". So anyway, lots of people live in two worlds and I think I took some comfort in knowing that. So when people say "oh you aren't really X, you don't sound like X", I just shake my head and think what an idiot. Because you are influenced by your parents, and cousins, and family. I'll hear parents saying something to their kids that sounds exactly like what my mom used to say to us. People may not always show those differences at work, but it doesn't mean it isn't there. |
Anonymous
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New Poster here.
About me: I'm a whiter than white (Irish Catholic) fool, live in a "black" neighborhood, lived abroad a few times (Brazil for a year, Costa Rica for 6 months, Birmingham, England for a summer, China for 6 months). I've lived all over the states, as well (yep, there are regional differences). I have friends of all colors, shapes, ethnic backgrounds, races, sizes, and ages. I like them all, except for the jerks (which come in every color). I don't think I'm better or worse than them. Sometimes, I'm different. Often, I'm not. I'm doing my best to race my child to be mindful of himself and his interaction with other people of all patterns and stripes. Here's the bottom line, OP. Some people are racist, prejudiced, xenophobic, or all three. Others are none of the above. You're making generalizations about "people" just as you feel people are making assumptions about you. We are all different. And I always prefered the "salad bowl" concept to melting pot theory. Who wants our differences to go away completely? What's the point of that? If you feel slighted by your group of friends, find new friends. |
Anonymous
PP here. My children are bi-racial and trying to pass on to them what I've learned, I think the secret is confidence. You have to know - yes, you are different - but not let that define who you are (as in you have to be the X stereotype) or let other people define you. My 5 year old daughter came home the other day and told me some kids at school told her she was like them (I think meaning white). She told them - no, I am brown, just a light lighter shade of brown. She then added to me "Mommy, I was standing up for myself". I had one of my proud parent moments. You see, I wish I had the awareness at her age to understand, yes there are differences, and the courage to "stand up for myself" when someone (my background or different background) tried to tell me who I was or how they expected me to be. I've learned that people respect you more - especially the ones that would want to be obnoxious - if you have that confidence than if you try to blend in and stay under the radar. |
Anonymous
Sorry to be a sour puss, but not much as change since previous centuries. |
Anonymous
| Op, welcome to the hyphenated-American world. You're not crazy. The hyphenated American group also includes children of immigrants. They have a foot in both worlds (parents' & US) yet belong to neither fully. |
Anonymous
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What's "bi-racial" anyway?
I hate such concepts. If the whole point is to mix it up why do we need to label people? I'm Brazilian, my husband is Indian, my children are American. Does the color of our skin, the shape of our noses, the texture of our hair really matter? It really pisses me off! Why when we go home nobody mentions the differences between our looks? Why only here? |
Anonymous
I'm PP right below you and I completely agree! |
Anonymous
This is not a new phenomenon, sorry to say to all the pp's expounding on the topic as though it's fascinatingly exotic. This is an age-old issue of cultural identity classic in pretty much all immigrant groups. It has little to do with individuals being racist or certain groups of friends being unwelcoming. OP, I encourage you to do some reading on the concept of a "dual identity" and entertain the thought that the quoted pp raises - which is that the concept of a "dual identity" is bogus. I think the easiest way to find a sense of community without having to explain yourself or feel like an outsider is to find others with similar experiences to yours. You will find this often in immigrant communities. People who immigrated as adults often find kindred spirits in others who immigrated as adults. Second generation kids born here to immigrant parents often find kindred spirits in others who were born here to immigrant parents. Those who immigrated in teenage/college years often find themselves most accepted by others like them. But I think it is probably most difficult for that in-between immigrant who spent most of their formative years in a different country and came here at a midpoint through to adulthood. Before people cry that I'm a self-segregationist, I'm not saying you have to exclusively only be friends with those like you... but obviously there is something comforting about having others who understand what you've been through without having to explain yourself. |
Anonymous
That must explain why some of my foreign friends always say Americans are so fake. And that they feel they cannot have a decent conversation with anyone. When I see them they just plunge into the kind of conversations they feel they cannot have with the 'locals'. |
Anonymous
| Part of the reason we live in a hyphenated world is because of prejudice, but another part is because some people still find it advantageous to make decisions based on race/ethnicity/national heritage. Why do you think we always have to check those boxes on the census forms, public schools forms, etc.? Why do you think there are such fights over voting districts? We're never going to get past color as long as we keep focusing on it, but it's hard not to focus on it when there are still injustices to be redressed. On a societal level it's a real conundrum with no easy solutions. But on an individual level it's easy: just appreciate all of your friends for who (not what) they are, teach your kids to do the same, and over time things will continue to improve. |
Anonymous
| Remember when in middle school through high school those immigrant non-white kids were the outsiders? always in the nerdy clicks? some cross that barrier but many didn't it just wasn't cool to have them as friends. Well it is still the same in the grown up world but with a different context. |
Anonymous
I'm the PP that mentioned Seinfield and American Idol. One thing I will throw out there is group dynamics versus one on one. If I am one-on-one with someone, I may let down my guard a little and feel them out. Is this someone that I can have a serious conversation with? If something on the surface seems that they wouldn't get it - do they have any interest in hearing you out? At the heart of it, you are making yourself vulnerable and you have to trust that person. I tend not to trust in group dynamics, especially if I am the "only one" in that group. You will be going along, not feeling you are any different and "bam" someone says some crazy off the wall comment that is offensive. Then you start thinking, am I the only one that hears this, or are other people hearing this and are too afraid to say anything because it is a group and they don't want to stand out or are they expecting you to say something if it bothers you. So anyone, I do have a wall, but as much as people have surprised me being obnoxious, there have been people that have surprised me the other way. It's almost always the person you don't expect, that is really there for you when you need someone - maybe it is for that moment, or maybe it strengthens the friendship and that someone may or may not be of your background. |
Anonymous
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I never had to check boxes to tell what my color, ethnicity or race is until the day I applied for a visa to come to this country.
I didn't care that much then, once I arrived here I noticed that it's worse than it looks. |
Anonymous
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"I never had to check boxes to tell what my color, ethnicity or race is until the day I applied for a visa to come to this country."
So there are no foreigners or foreigners who count as far as distribution of community resources, if any, in your home country? |