The best way to approach teen about a speech impediment

[Anonymous]

My DD (14) has a bit of a lisp that we assumed she would outgrow. She also has a tendency to kind of swallow her words. We discussed it with her briefly before that she needs to articulate better, but she blamed it on her braces. Now that the braces are off and the lisp isn't any better we'd like to seek either speech therapy or get her started on some exercises to help but I'm not sure the best way to approach this without ruining her confidence or making her think there's something wrong with her. I really wish we had addressed this earlier before the delicate teen years but here we are. Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

Larla, dad and I should have helped you earlier with this. Now that your braces are off, we’d like you to have a few sessions with a speech therapist to help you _______.

[Anonymous]

Some lisps are genetic and you’re not going to be able to correct it.

[Anonymous]

"How do you feel about your speaking? Many people go to speech therapists to learn strategies to be more easily understood. Is that something you think you would like?"

[Anonymous]

Don’t. I have a slight lisp and my parents didn’t get assistance when I was young. By that age I couldn’t fix it and the comments just made me very self-conscious and shy. I wouldn’t talk in front of people for years.

You can’t just tell her to articulate better and expect her to be able to fix it. That isn’t a thing.

FWIW my lisp hasn’t held me back, and my DH thinks it is adorable. I quit trying to lose it decades ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t. I have a slight lisp and my parents didn’t get assistance when I was young. By that age I couldn’t fix it and the comments just made me very self-conscious and shy. I wouldn’t talk in front of people for years.

You can’t just tell her to articulate better and expect her to be able to fix it. That isn’t a thing.

FWIW my lisp hasn’t held me back, and my DH thinks it is adorable. I quit trying to lose it decades ago.

OP here. Thank you for sharing this and I really appreciate your perspective. If it were just a little lisp I think that would be fine but it’s combined with a sort of mush mouth and I notice that other people sometimes have a hard time understanding her the first time she says something and she has to repeat herself a lot. I feel irresponsible for not addressing it sooner and still would feel bad about not offering help if we can.

[Anonymous]

You have the right attitude already, OP, in that you are acknowledging your irresponsibility in the situation. In your situation, I would write a letter to your daughter. Acknowledge your mistake for not having offered or found assistance earlier. Research and include a couple different realistic options of what help now could look like, tell her if and when she is ready, you are ready to support her getting that assistance. Tell her again you are sorry you weren’t able to do this earlier. Remind her that you love her, no matter what, and that you are here to listen too.

Ok, now that you have the letter, you can decide if you think your daughter responds better to direct or indirect communication. Most teens don’t respond as well to direct communication from parents. That being said, you can always start the conversation, and if/when she starts to shutdown, acknowledge that this is a difficult topic for her, and that you are sorry for not getting her the help she needed earlier. ((*** abandonment feelings***)) Don’t force her to finish the conversation, just say you are sorry, and hand her the letter for her to read and process at her own speed. If communication is already strained, just start by giving the letter.

Good luck OP, to you and your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Op you may want to crosspost this on the children with special with special needs board.

A lot of us have had to navigate things like this.

We are very honest with our kids that we made decisions thinking we were doing the right thing or not knowing better and that sometimes that has made problems or more work for our ds because we did not take a path that would have made things turn out differently.

Our ds knows that we tried but that we would do things differently if we could do them over again.

I would just say hey, your braces are off now and it can be hard for people to understand you. There are people who help with this so we are taking you to see if they can help.

I am sorry for pp that her parents handled it badly.

I am sure your dd is aware that people don't understand her sometimes. It will not be a surprise for her.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone. Now I fear that I overstated the problem. (I get the irony in a post about articulation.) Based on my research it sounds like a bilateral lisp and the mush mouth is more like the extra saliva that appears when she speaks quickly. It mostly makes her speech sound more juvenile than it might otherwise sound. It's certainly not crippling. I think my guilt at assuming it would go away went into overdrive.

[Anonymous]

I would say “I’ve heard a lot of speech therapists are doing telehealth calls now, which makes it easier than ever to talk to someone about articulation. This is something a lot of parents have their children do, dad and I think it will really help you when you’re older.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. Now I fear that I overstated the problem. (I get the irony in a post about articulation.) Based on my research it sounds like a bilateral lisp and the mush mouth is more like the extra saliva that appears when she speaks quickly. It mostly makes her speech sound more juvenile than it might otherwise sound. It's certainly not crippling. I think my guilt at assuming it would go away went into overdrive.

Teenagers can be really sensitive, and that is why I suggested you should cross post. You would benefit from hearing from people who have already navigated getting their child help without making them feel bad about it like pp's parents unintentionally did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. Now I fear that I overstated the problem. (I get the irony in a post about articulation.) Based on my research it sounds like a bilateral lisp and the mush mouth is more like the extra saliva that appears when she speaks quickly. It mostly makes her speech sound more juvenile than it might otherwise sound. It's certainly not crippling. I think my guilt at assuming it would go away went into overdrive.

Op, the mush mouth might be due to low tone. If your kid mumbles, you can try to get her to a speech therapist. Maybe ask how to approach it from a ST this late in the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Larla, dad and I should have helped you earlier with this. Now that your braces are off, we’d like you to have a few sessions with a speech therapist to help you _______.

+1 but as one PP said, find an ST who can suggest how to approach it at this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. Now I fear that I overstated the problem. (I get the irony in a post about articulation.) Based on my research it sounds like a bilateral lisp and the mush mouth is more like the extra saliva that appears when she speaks quickly. It mostly makes her speech sound more juvenile than it might otherwise sound. It's certainly not crippling. I think my guilt at assuming it would go away went into overdrive.

Something doesn’t have to be crippling for a person to internalize complicated feelings about why they didn’t receive help on their timeline. My younger sister didn’t tell my parents until she was an adult that she deeply struggled with self-image over her teeth, and always wondered why they had paid for braces for me and not for her. My teeth needed severe correction- hers only would have been aesthetic. They were genuinely surprised as they recalled how much she made fun of me when I had braces. When she mentioned it they realized how she felt neglected, which was never their intent.
It’s okay to downplay the lisp, but please don’t downplay the potential that your inaction may already be hurting her. It’s worth it to check in with her sooner rather than later.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get why you waited but offer to take her to an slp.