Does my kid need an evaluation or do I need a parenting coach?

[Anonymous]

Our 4.5yo is exhausting- off the walls all the time, has full on meltdowns when he doesn't get what he wants with hitting, kicking, etc. Can't leave him unsupervised with younger brother (who's 1.5) for even 30 seconds as he inevitably starts a fight or an injury occurs. He was sort-of like this pre-Covid but then it got worse during that. Now he's back at pre-school and they have no complaint there- they say he's an angel. But at home he's still a hot mess. We have a couple friends whose kids have been diagnosed with ADHD and/ sensory processing disorders and I sometimes see the things they describe in my DS- but they were having issues at both school and home. Our issues are really just with us. Which makes me think that maybe I'm just a crappy parent?!

We've taken a couple PEP seminars which have been helpful to a degree but clearly need more help...just not really sure where to start.

[Anonymous]

I’d start with pediatrician or referral to a pediatric developmental or behavioral specialist. They will be able to help determine pretty quickly if it’s a medical thing or a parenting thing.

[Anonymous]

Some kids burn out their ability of self control at school.

I would try a huge amount of outdoor time, sandbox time, trampoline. He might just need physical freedom. If after a few weeks doesn't help, cant hurt to evaluate

[Anonymous]

Start by making an appointment with a developmental Pediatrician.

[Anonymous]

It depends on severity and whether it's new (like a stage) or has always been there and is getting worse. My 4.5 year old is going through this right now too and talking to my SIL with slightly older kids, it's a stage hers had at the same age too. My kid is very level headed normally, so I'm not worried about the big picture. I'm focusing on boundaries (hitting/throwing/screaming is NOT okay even when you're frustrated) and compassion (it's really hard and feels overwhelming right now). I do think it's worse with COVID, and especially now that they're back in school. I think the reality of another school year without things being back to normal is setting in and throwing them off again.

[Anonymous]

I’m a massive fan of parenting therapy! No matter the root cause, you need a good strong parenting approach to discipline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a massive fan of parenting therapy! No matter the root cause, you need a good strong parenting approach to discipline.

NP- any recommendations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start by making an appointment with a developmental Pediatrician.

no, that will take forever and give you no useful answers, and in the interim she’ll still have to deal with the tantrums and fighting.

start by making an appointment with a behavioral specialist who can guide you through a positive discipline approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a massive fan of parenting therapy! No matter the root cause, you need a good strong parenting approach to discipline.

NP- any recommendations?

depends where you are. I look for a group practice with well-supervised practitioners if they are new, who all have strong educational backgrounds in behavior management (eg internships at KKI). ideally with experience in Parent Child Interaction Therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a massive fan of parenting therapy! No matter the root cause, you need a good strong parenting approach to discipline.

NP- any recommendations?

depends where you are. I look for a group practice with well-supervised practitioners if they are new, who all have strong educational backgrounds in behavior management (eg internships at KKI). ideally with experience in Parent Child Interaction Therapy.

PP here- I’m in MoCo. That is helpful though, I would have no idea what qualifications to look for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a massive fan of parenting therapy! No matter the root cause, you need a good strong parenting approach to discipline.

+100

You are not a crappy parent. You just need some guidance and keep to the guidance.

[Anonymous]

I would ask the preschool for help finding resources.

[Anonymous]

If he was like this pre-covid, it’s not surprising behavior has gotten worse.

—Read the kazdin method.
—Spend at least 15 minutes a day with him one on one.
—make sure he gets outside time every day.
—you can take dr. Dan Shapiro’s class online.
—You could put yourself on a waitlist to see a developmental pediatrician at kki or children’s. You can always cancel if you decide you don’t need it.

[Anonymous]

OP also said she has a 1 1/2 year old. New baby + pandemic could add up to tantrums. Since he is behaving in school, I agree with the pp ^^. Both you and your DH need to spend more time with him and away from his sibling. Think of it from his point of view, everyone saying hooray a sibling, someone for you to play with. In reality, a 1 1/2 yr old doesn’t play with others and probably messes up his train line or whatever he is doing.

[Anonymous]

When he does these things, hurting the baby, the tantrums, how do you respond?