When did you tell parents/close family?

[Anonymous]

I'm very newly pregnant (7 weeks), my first pregnancy. I've heard that people often wait until end of first trimester to tell people that they're pregnant, because of the higher risk of miscarriage in the first trimester. I'm not sure I want to wait that long to at least tell just our parents, though, even knowing that risk...
What was the earliest that you told the people closest to you (not making the assumption that everyone here would choose to tell their parents first)?

[Anonymous]

If you did miscarry, who would you tell? Those are the people who should know now. That might be just your parents or it might be the whole world. It’s a personal decision.

[Anonymous]

We told our families at 6 weeks both times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you did miscarry, who would you tell? Those are the people who should know now. That might be just your parents or it might be the whole world. It’s a personal decision.

+1

We told the world as soon as we had a positive test, but we would have told the world about a miscarriage. I know people who didn't tell a soul until the 20 week scan was good, because if something was wrong, they didn't want to talk about it.

[Anonymous]

We told close friends at about 10 weeks, in part because it was a convenient time to tell them in person (holidays and we were all together). We live far from our families and told them just shy of the 1st trimester mark. But I'm not sure we would have told them about a miscarriage, so that's why we waited. We have the kind of families where it is usually best to wait to share medical info (or not to share it at all if it all turns out fine) because they are likely to make us feel worse.

[Anonymous]

Close family ie mom and dad were told right away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We told our families at 6 weeks both times.

Same. I had to swear my dad to secrecy because he was so excited to share the news. With #1, I made him wait until we did a round of testing, so that took us to 14 weeks. He was like a kid at Christmas when I finally let him loose with it .

I think the first trimester guidance is meant for sharing it publicly, not with your inner circle of people. Of course, that means that you trust those people to not go public with it themselves.

[Anonymous]

I told my family the day I found out, and my best friend the next week. I did end up miscarrying, and I was glad to have their support! I get not telling work, but I never really understood the reasoning for not telling close family/friends - but then again I'm so close with them I tell them everything and don't think a miscarriage is something to hide either.

[Anonymous]

I told my best friend at 8 weeks because there was no hiding the fact that I was puking everywhere. I watched her kid one day a week and had to be upfront about why I couldn't any more.

Parents got told at 15 weeks. Both our mothers are....challenging personalities, and we had no desire to have our personal business gossiped about across the entire country should I miscarry or NT and/or CVS come back with less-than-good results.

[Anonymous]

I told my family at 13 weeks with baby 1 and I made a FB announcement at 20 weeks. I told my best two friends when I got the positive pregnancy test with pregnancy #2 but I miscarried at around 7 weeks (and was glad I hadn't told my parents or anyone else). Told those same two friends when I got pregnant again a month later, and told my parents at 13 weeks again, but I didn't tell my in laws until I saw them at around 16 weeks. And then told "the world" (via in person interactions) when I saw them, which varied. I mask pregnancy well so a lot of people were taken aback when I was 8 months pregnant and they had no idea.

[Anonymous]

Trigger warning! Skip if you don't want to read personal, upsetting info.


Keep in mind I had my babies one the late 90s and into the mid-2000s.

First baby I told only my parents and then not until I had a then-early sonogram around 8 weeks. Announced to ILs after 3 months.

Second pregnancy ended in miscarriage requiring surgery at 13 weeks. Again I told only my parents because I had reason to believe this pregnancy wouldn't go to term. ILS found out when DH called to advise that I'd had surgery that resulted in loss. ILs, as usual, weren't at all concerned about my health and subsequent grief but instead were angry that they didn't know I was pregnant.

Third and fourth pregnancies I again told my parents after my first ob. appointment so maybe 2 months. ILs I told at 3 and 5! months, respectively. With my last, I made a game of covering up and dressing to disguise the brief few times I saw them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you did miscarry, who would you tell? Those are the people who should know now. That might be just your parents or it might be the whole world. It’s a personal decision.

This. Which is why I told my mom almost immediately. I also told her when I miscarried. We'd told DH's parents too, and while there was part of me that didn't want to share with them (because I have a more difficult relationship with them) in the end I was glad we did. It helped his mother be more sensitive as the next years went by without another pregnancy. Because they knew we were trying and also knew we'd had a loss. If we hadn't told them, I would have been really upset by comments about babies etc. Instead, they knew to be sensitive, which helped our relationship during that time.

My friends know the story too, though I didn't always share in real time.

[Anonymous]

I told my mom as soon as the doctor confirmed...so around 6 weeks.
I told a couple of my closest friends at 8 weeks.
My parents are divorced and I told my dad and the rest of my close family (aunts, uncles, grandparents, close cousins) around 12 weeks.

[Anonymous]

We told our parents and siblings at 8 weeks. When I told my brother my 8 year old niece was there so she also found out but was like a vault. Never said anything to my aunts! My younger cousin told her mom right away, who in turn spilled the beans to my mom immediately when she wasn’t quite 6 weeks. It killed my mom to not say anything but she was good and didn’t! Of course cousin now hates me!

It was my first pregnancy and all our friends had miscarriages yet were much younger than us so I was pretty nervous. I’m a fairly private person so wouldn’t want to tell many people about a miscarriage. Or even opening the can of worms that we were dealing with infertility. (Too many opinionated family members!) We shared with everyone else at 12 weeks.

[Anonymous]

We did IVF, so both sets of parents were more anxious than us for beta day, LOL. We told friends after the first trimester.