Parents dying within 3 months of each other

[Anonymous]

My dad died in July and my mom will likely die in September. Not Covid and not broken heart syndrome either since they were long divorced and we did not tell mom about dad. Both deaths are part of long slow declines and the ends are logical and to be expected. These were not vibrant outgoing people who were suddenly robbed of their existence by cancer-- that kind of story that's when I imagine shedding buckets of tears.

I have such a feeling of general disorientation and sadness. And on top of that sadness there's Covid sadness and the nightmare of Zoom school with a child with special needs. I'm not a person who generally gets mired in her feelings or is prone to sadness and depression but all there is to do now is home improvement projects and thinking deep thoughts. I don't know how to lift the cloud. If Covid were gone I would go about my life and their sad ends would recede but all this home time means it's hard to think about anything else.

[Anonymous]

I have no words of wisdom for you, OP, but I want to give you a virtual hug. I hear you. I'm having "deep thoughts" too during my Covid-imposed solitude, including "What is the meaning of life?" and other similarly heavy thoughts. I'm not liking the answers I come up with...

Today is supposed to be a glorious day (no rain and humidity!). I think spending a little time outside can help a bit.

[Anonymous]

My parents died 11 months apart. It’s mind numbing and I really didn’t grieve until after the second parent died. Hugs to you. It’s a process.

[Anonymous]

Sending hugs, OP.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry. My parents both have dementia and other issues. SO many of my friends still have parents that can travel and enjoy life. It is just so hard. Hugs, OP.

[Anonymous]

God that is so rough. I'm a young parent to a school aged-child and a baby so my parents are just starting that decline. I have a bunch of friends in their mid 40s and 50s losing parents or stuck in the position of caring for young kids plus declining health of parents. Big hugs. Whatever you feel is valid. There is no wrong way to grieve.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, Communicate/spend as much time together as you can now even if mental awareness is not full. Sadness is normal. Peace will come with time. Be comforted that they are moving on to a better place and not in pain. Do you have siblings to help out and grieve with?

[Anonymous]

When my mom had a brain injury I felt so weird and floaty and scared. Un-tethered is the best way I could describe it. Something about losing parents, no matter how old you are maybe.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP.

I feel terrified about losing my parents. When my mom has cancer, I had to stay busy constantly to not think about it. Fundamentally, when I think of losing my parents, I feel abandoned. There will no longer be someone there who cares for me the way I care for my child. I will be the adult without any support, even if it is just emotional at this point. That’s a lot of heavy feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP.

I feel terrified about losing my parents. When my mom has cancer, I had to stay busy constantly to not think about it. Fundamentally, when I think of losing my parents, I feel abandoned. There will no longer be someone there who cares for me the way I care for my child. I will be the adult without any support, even if it is just emotional at this point. That’s a lot of heavy feelings.

I'm two years out from losing both of my parents and, yes, what you wrote is absolutely true. I felt very alone, even though I have my husband and small kids, who keep me very busy. It gets better over time, but my biggest regret is not having more good times with them. Their last years coincided with the births of my children and all that baby/toddler life madness, and I wish I had a bit more calm time with my parents and made more memories with them. We all have to walk this path eventually; making the best time of it is the only way to go.

[Anonymous]

Both of my parents died within two weeks of each other in April: both from Covid pneumonia. It is/was hard. I think that this is one of the hardest things that I have ever gone through. Therefore, I understand your pain and I am sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. My mom died faster than expected. 61 days after my dad. The first week of school was fun--on the phone with the funeral home while trying to supervise Zoom school. My dad was still in his house when he died and my mom was on Medicaid. I cannot believe how much paperwork there is to do. The time to grieve is a luxury.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been there too. It was a rough go. It took every ounce of my effort to keep from falling into a depression.

Find something to do to escape for 30 mins a day. For me it was as simple as walking in a wooded park. It just kept my head clear.

Also downloaded the phone app “calm” and did a round of breathing exercise each day.

Make time to meet up with friends and enjoy a glass of wine on a patio somewhere every few weeks.

Tell your spouse how they can support you the best right now. For me it was more physical touch - like hugs and cuddles and back rubs.

Remember that there are still wonderful times to be had.

Hang in there. You’ll get through this.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. I found I handled things better when my Mom passed when I had things to do. Now that the weather is nicer make some time to get out. A nice walk listening to some pumped up music and seeing a friend while social distancing can help.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP.