social media posts

[Anonymous]

What is your advice on the subject of social media posts—posts you come across where happy kid-stuff is posted?

I learned of friends who paused/muted/snoozed friends with kids, because when they got the diagnosis of struggling with infertility or never being able to have biological children.... they couldn’t endure seeing happy posts of kids.

I’m someone who has kids, and I don’t post a lot. When I do, it often has to do with kids. I try to sometimes share things just about me personally too. I also try to share some real (hard) stuff. Variety.

Another friend posted today that she used to hate Back to School pictures. She now has a Kindergartener. But for 10+ years, she hated when back to school came along. That’s one issue I had not thought of before. If I share, I don’t intend to hurt people; but I might be doing it anyway.

Is there anything I can do as a friend? To not hurt my friends struggling with infertility? What advice would you give?

[Anonymous]

It’s fine to post pictures on your own social media. It took us 10 years to have our child and I certainly didn’t expect others to tiptoe around us.

[Anonymous]

Be an ally and post something supportive on infertility awareness, pregnancy loss, etc days. But don’t worry about what you post on your own Facebook. I’ve muted friends that are particularly triggering, but that’s on me, nobody else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is your advice on the subject of social media posts—posts you come across where happy kid-stuff is posted?

I learned of friends who paused/muted/snoozed friends with kids, because when they got the diagnosis of struggling with infertility or never being able to have biological children.... they couldn’t endure seeing happy posts of kids.

I’m someone who has kids, and I don’t post a lot. When I do, it often has to do with kids. I try to sometimes share things just about me personally too. I also try to share some real (hard) stuff. Variety.

Another friend posted today that she used to hate Back to School pictures. She now has a Kindergartener. But for 10+ years, she hated when back to school came along. That’s one issue I had not thought of before. If I share, I don’t intend to hurt people; but I might be doing it anyway.

Is there anything I can do as a friend? To not hurt my friends struggling with infertility? What advice would you give?

Sharing is fine but be a friend. Take her out when covid is better alone without the kids and just have a nice evening. If she wants to talk about it listen and don't offer advice or oh it will happen. Most people drop their kidless friends when they have kids. It is terribly painful to go through what she is. Been there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be an ally and post something supportive on infertility awareness, pregnancy loss, etc days. But don’t worry about what you post on your own Facebook. I’ve muted friends that are particularly triggering, but that’s on me, nobody else.

No, don't do that if it is not something you experienced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be an ally and post something supportive on infertility awareness, pregnancy loss, etc days. But don’t worry about what you post on your own Facebook. I’ve muted friends that are particularly triggering, but that’s on me, nobody else.

No, don't do that if it is not something you experienced.

Of course it’s kind to be compassionate. “Thinking of my friends and family today on National Whatever Day. Wishing you strength and love.”

[Anonymous]

Kids don’t bother me, but I have snoozed anyone I know who is expecting a baby. I feel guilty and selfish for doing so, and I hate how bitter this has made me, but I just can’t anymore.

But I don’t expect anyone else not to post. They have a right to feel and share their joy. It’s on me to protect myself.

Well, one exception: I don’t think anyone should post about “Oops, had no intention, but Baby 5 at age 44 is on its way!” Those are just annoying.

[Anonymous]

I've gone through years of infertility and am finally pregnant after using donor eggs. I muted, snoozed, or outright unfollowed friends who were posting triggering posts. But I didn't expect them not to share posts about their kids especially since they had no idea what I was going through. If you know of someone who is struggling with infertility or pregnancy/child loss, you can always share your posts without making them visible to those people. I think that's very compassionate and kind. Otherwise, they can always mute you.

I'll also say that one of the most hurtful things my ILs did to me was when my SIL had a surprise baby and we were going through a devastating miscarriage after years of IVF at the same time, and my FIL kept sharing newborn pictures even a couple of days after we announced our pregnancy loss and before I even had D&C. I expected him to be more considerate because he is close family and was aware of our struggles. So, if you are aware of anyone's circumstances, just make sure that they won't see what you're posting at least during the worst of their journeys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is your advice on the subject of social media posts—posts you come across where happy kid-stuff is posted?

I learned of friends who paused/muted/snoozed friends with kids, because when they got the diagnosis of struggling with infertility or never being able to have biological children.... they couldn’t endure seeing happy posts of kids.

I’m someone who has kids, and I don’t post a lot. When I do, it often has to do with kids. I try to sometimes share things just about me personally too. I also try to share some real (hard) stuff. Variety.

Another friend posted today that she used to hate Back to School pictures. She now has a Kindergartener. But for 10+ years, she hated when back to school came along. That’s one issue I had not thought of before. If I share, I don’t intend to hurt people; but I might be doing it anyway.

Is there anything I can do as a friend? To not hurt my friends struggling with infertility? What advice would you give?

Get off social media. It’s the best thing you can do for your own mental health and for others.

Social media has no value.

— someone who quit social media 6 months ago after being a voracious user for a decade and truly feel liberated.

[Anonymous]

Years ago I felt so far behind in everything that I was jealous of everyone. I hid their feeds. Still friends, they don’t know it, but I very rarely see any posts from them. Closest friends I don’t need to hear news from on FB and others I just periodically go to their page if I’m curious what they are up to. I’ve missed some pregnancy announcements but nothing from anyone I’m actually close to.

I’ve made two posts about my pregnancy so far—one our announcement and another how I told my husband we were expecting. No one needs any more updates from me. I probably won’t post many kid pictures either. Unless it’s going to bring someone joy seeing it, most people don’t care. Now dog pictures are a different story!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be an ally and post something supportive on infertility awareness, pregnancy loss, etc days. But don’t worry about what you post on your own Facebook. I’ve muted friends that are particularly triggering, but that’s on me, nobody else.

No, don't do that if it is not something you experienced.

Completely agree. Don't do it if you haven't had to go through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be an ally and post something supportive on infertility awareness, pregnancy loss, etc days. But don’t worry about what you post on your own Facebook. I’ve muted friends that are particularly triggering, but that’s on me, nobody else.

No, don't do that if it is not something you experienced.

Completely agree. Don't do it if you haven't had to go through it.

+1000

[Anonymous]

I didn’t mind the kid posts, but the expecting posts always bothered me. I don’t care if your baby is as big as a papaya. When I had my last baby, I made no pregnancy announcements on fb. I just announced once she was born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be an ally and post something supportive on infertility awareness, pregnancy loss, etc days. But don’t worry about what you post on your own Facebook. I’ve muted friends that are particularly triggering, but that’s on me, nobody else.

No, don't do that if it is not something you experienced.

Completely agree. Don't do it if you haven't had to go through it.

+1000

Original PP here. I take back my comment then. Did not realize others would disagree, but with all things infertility, if it is hurtful to some, you err on the side of caution.