Waiting for K in Fairfax County

[Anonymous]

We are moving our children from private school to public school next year. The youngest, a girl, will be five in June and we currently are planning to send her to Kindergarten this fall (2010). At our current school, it is extremely common for parents of children with summer birthdays to wait until their child is six to send them to kindergarten and many of the private schools actively encourage it. This is especially common for boys -- sometimes even with respect to spring birthdays. From anecdotal evidence, it seems that although it would not be unusual for Fairfax County parents to hold back boys with August and perhaps July birthdays, overall it is the exception more than the rule, particularly with respect to girls -- Is this accurate? I apologize if I am belaboring or reopening a "redshirting" debate that has been much-discussed on DCUM, but I am mainly just interested in knowing what we might expect to experience with respect to the age range of our daughter's class in the Fairfax County system and whether the school system, kindergarten teachers, middle school teachers (where the age differences within a class can become even more pronounced) express an official or unofficial opinion about parents choosing to give the so-called "gift of time" to summer birthday students. Thanks so much.

[Anonymous]

June is really not close to the cutoff - you're talking about 3-4 months, not a couple of days or weeks. She certainly will not be the youngest in her class. Personally I don't see the point of waiting an extra year absent real issues --and you don't mention any particular concerns about your DD's readiness for kindergarten or any benefits to holding her back. Would she be in preschool all of next year? There's no "gift" in keeping a child who's ready to move forward in school out of school.

My daughter's birthday is in August and we sent her to school on time. She was five during her entire kindergarten year. We briefly considered keeping her back but academically she was more than ready and I don't know what they would have done with her in preschool for another year. She had no issues & is happy, well-adjusted a 4th-grader in the GT Center now.

I can't really speak to what the overall trends are, but in my experience, most people in FCPS seem to be sending their kids to school according to the cutoffs. I have 3 children and they are all attending school according to the cutoff dates.

Also, I don't know if you've done any independent research but I believe most of the studies show that any academic advantages from redshirting are pretty much equalized by around 3rd grade. So in that regard, there is no long-term benefit to holding back a child who doesn't really need to be held back.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks so much, PP, for the detailed response - that is very helpful. Your post describes my instincts as well and seems to confirm what I was assuming about FCPS -- that absent any issues of concern, parents generally adhere to the cut-off except for the birthdays close to the cut-off date. This currently does not appear to be the case at all in the private school system. My April birthday son is almost the youngest in his class (almost all the May - Aug boys waited a year before kindergarten). Recently a mom told me her March birthday daughter is the youngest in the class, with a group of girls with summer birthdays a whole year older. Now that the class is approaching middle school, this has caused some social issues and the older students seem to have a "leg up" with respect to maturity, achieving leadership positions, getting the lead in the class play, confidence, etc. Another friend never even considered sending her July birthday son to K at age 5 and considers her May birthday son "on the cusp." And another friend recently forwarded me a letter from a Head of School (not a local school) actively encouraging parents to consider giving the "gift of time" to their summer birthday students. Once it becomes commonplace, then it is almost like the "real" cut-off becomes June 1 and you start to second-guess whether there could be significant down-sides (whether now or not until adolscence) to your child being a year younger.

[Anonymous]

My daughter has an August birthday and we sent her to FCPS Kindergarten as scheduled. She is in a 3rd grade GT center class now and she is not the youngest in her class. (One of her best friends in her class has a September birthday.)

[Anonymous]

I would talk to parents and administrators at the specific school your child will go to. Talking to parents in my neighborhood it seems common to redshirt at our elementary but my guess it varies school to school.

[Anonymous]

This trend seems to be dying in favor of facts. I would beware of keeping a child back - especially when you have nothing but a birthday to decide. The cut off dates are there for a reason, after all. Beware the overcompensating parents (who never achieved what their own parents wanted/paid for them to supposedly have). You could be doing your child a grave disservice.

[Anonymous]

I have heard of kids in FCPS with birthdays as early as May being red-shirted, but that is pretty uncommon and that particular parents regrets it. Most red-shirted boys I know have August and September birthdays. I only know of a couple red-shirted girls and they had August birthdays. I sent my August birthday girl on time and she is a third grader in our GT center. There are several kids in her class with birthdays similar to hers.

[Anonymous]

I think it would be odd for a June girl to be held back in FCPS -- at least at our school. Our daughter was a few days shy of the cut-off with a late Sept birthday. We sent her on time and she's ended up perfectly fine.

I know of one or two boys in her class who were held back (one June (?), one August) but none of the girls are THAT much older than their peers.

[Anonymous]

My oldest is on the other end with an early November birthday, and I'm pretty sure she was one of the oldest in her class. There were July, August, and September birthdays in her class - all children who had just turned 5. In kindergarten many of them looked noticably younger than my daughter. Now in 2nd grade, it's not so obvious. Academically, some are smarter than others, but that's the case with all children, not just those with late birthdays. I agree that unless there is an obvious reason to hold back, you shouldn't. My other two children have May and July birthdays, and I plan to send both of them on time.

[Anonymous]

What's next, holding back January birthdays for a miniscule hope of a football scholarship? Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone, for your responses - it is very helpful to know that it generally is not typical to hold back summer birthdays (absent specific issues) and that my daughter won't necessarily be the youngest in her class.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is September born in second grade. While she is very mature for her age, I feel she is not fully there academically. Do you think I should hold her back? I feel given an extra year will help her compete with kids her age as opposed to always trying to catch up with the existing class mates. I am worried about what it might do for her self esteem. Any ideas suggestions?

[Anonymous]

My concern for my daughter is not kinder thru third grade. It is middle school and high school when she could be 18 months younger than the boys in her same class, and 17 years old living with 19 year old boys her freshman year of college in a coed dorm. Thus we will be keeping her back with a Sept 24 th birthday.

[Anonymous]

Agree w/ PP. While your summer bday kids may be reading chapter books and may "thrive" in the AAP environment in 3rd grade and beyond, I can tell you from the HS years looking back, it is still obvious in most cases who the summer bday kids are -- they still haven't caught up socially. Being a little behind every year in terms of maturity can build up over time -- not lessen. Lots of families rethink their decision (mostly regarding boys) in MS and HS. I know a handful of younger boys who repeated a grade in 9, 10 or 11th in a different school. Others have taken a gap year before college. Just keep on doing what you think is best for your kid at the time and keep reassessing to make sure it's still the best thing for your kid. To OP, see you in the fall at FCPS K!

[Anonymous]

I am a former ES teacher. I never understood this debate, until I had children. My prior line of thinking was, there will always be some who are more mature, some less, etc. Someone has to be the youngest. My oldest ds had a March birthday, and was so ready for K, so there was no debating. My middle ds has a December birthday, and has developmental delays as well, so I was grateful to not have to decide about sending him to K or not. He will start K this fall and will be almost 6. My youngest, dd, has a late September birthday. Though she is almost 2 years younger than her brother, I can tell already that she will be ready for K, so will be one year behind.

The decision to hold back is definitely an individual decision. I think if it is apparent before K, it is best to make the choice then.

I was never one like stereotypes, but in our case, my son needed extra time at home/preschool and my daughter will be ready to go on time. Interestingly enough, I had a late Dec birthday, but made our school district's cutoff, so started K at 4. I did very well in school. Once I hit college, and an illness struck me my first few weeks of college, I ended up leaving school, and waiting a year to return. So, in the end, who knows, perhaps I was not "ready" for college.