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I am drowning and miserable with my 1 year old and 4 year old. I often don’t feel up to the task of raising them and sometimes regret having them. I do love them, deeply, but I find mothering them impossibly hard.
I don’t have parents to ask. I was not parented very well myself and my parents aren’t in my life. What do you miss about ages 1-4, now that your kids are grown? I feel like I’m missing it completely, every minute of the day I’m counting down til bedtime, and yearning for them to be older, for this excruciating phase of life to shift or change or end. Maybe if you tell me what you miss, I can try to pay attention to it, and embed some nice memories into my brain to enjoy later. Maybe for a moment or two it will feel less hard. |
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I miss how open and trusting they were. They had zero shame about not knowing things and asking for information.
And even though I force my 24 yr old and 27 yr old to sit in my lap, it's not the same as when they actually fit. |
| Their wonder and curiosity, especially over simple everyday things. How something as simple as bubbles is magical to them. |
Omg this is so true. I’m the OP. My 1 yo is constantly saying “wooooow” to everything he sees. Like a bird. Or a ball. Or rain. And he wants me to say woooooow too, and if I don’t, he will repeat himself louder and louder until I join him in being amazed at whatever he is looking at. |
| I miss how much fun rainy days could be. Is it pouring? Let's put on our boots and raincoats and go splash in the puddles! |
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I miss how they looked up to me and were totally dependent on me.
I have fond memories of the kids walking in line with me down to the local playground. Like a mana duck with her ducklings. |
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I miss how eager they were to please. Sure, it might have taken 30 min to unload ththe dishwasher with the kids "helping" me. Could've done it myself in like 5 min, but then I wouldn't be able to think back and muse how much they tried to help, to make me happy, to learn how to do things, etc.
And I learned to resign to the fact that it's ok for household chores to take forever to get done and not to sweat the small stuff. |
| The cuteness. They were just so adorable at that age. The innocence and “unknowing”. They really navigated the world through me. Something happens around the age of 7 or so. It’s called the “age of reason” for a reason. They become more self-possessed then, able to think for themselves much more. |
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How they smell
The softness of the cuddles What pp said about easy things making an awesome day |
| How easy and cheap Christmas shopping was. Kids want things like umbrellas and oranges. They’re delighted with the littlest things. |
| Looking back I wish I had taken your approach. I often got bogged down in the everyday tasks that I forgot to sit and enjoy this fleeting stage. Also I realize now the parts of child rearing that gave me the most trouble are the personality traits that now make them much easier as high school age kids. Pay now or pay later. One of mine was always demanding I pay attention and acknowledge everything she was experiencing like yours...today she is equally determined and that makes her a focused and independent student. The one that was always laughing and running away from me at the park continues to find the fun in each day...that personality has made his quarantine days more fun. Thanks for giving me a chance to revisit those days,OP...really miss them. |
| Cuddling |
| The transparent emotions, the carefree joy, the simple tastes (popsicles!), the hugs and kisses, the cuddling together on a Saturday night to watch Monsters Inc., brushing my daughters hair, putting moisturizer on my son’s skin, the way they smelled. Kid just left for college, you caught me at a particular sentimental time. It was ALL fun in its own way. |
| Stomping in puddles. Literally stopping to smell the flowers. |
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Hang in there! It gets so much easier/better in a year or two!
I don’t miss much about the under 5 age. I miss the hugs and being able to carry him. At 5, 6, 7 though, he was a joy. |