"Rewind" documentary about generational child sexual abuse

[Anonymous]

I am watching the documentary "Rewind". I posted here instead of Entertainment forum because it is about family. I am trying to figure out why the abused children's father would allow his siblings near his own children when he was abused by them. The father did not abuse his own children but it's still his responsibility to protect them from a known danger. Can anyone shed light on this?

[Anonymous]

Having had sexual abuse in my own family, I think this behavior gets normalized. Siblings of the abusers have a different relationship with them and fond memories. It also creates a lot of family drama to not attend holidays, etc. I know in my own family, the abuser is allowed to come to all holidays because he "needs the support". The rest of us can choose whether to be around him or not. If we choose not, we are ruining the holiday and abandoning the family.

[Anonymous]

The sexual violence and abuse happened to the children in 1993 to 1997, so there was public knowledge about sexual abuse of children. It's difficult to understand the father's mindset to let his abusers bear his own children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The sexual violence and abuse happened to the children in 1993 to 1997, so there was public knowledge about sexual abuse of children. It's difficult to understand the father's mindset to let his abusers near his own children.

Typo "near" his own children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having had sexual abuse in my own family, I think this behavior gets normalized. Siblings of the abusers have a different relationship with them and fond memories. It also creates a lot of family drama to not attend holidays, etc. I know in my own family, the abuser is allowed to come to all holidays because he "needs the support". The rest of us can choose whether to be around him or not. If we choose not, we are ruining the holiday and abandoning the family.

This. I am not a victim of sexual abuse, but of verbal and emotional. The system protects itself at all cost. You are the bad guy if you refuse to pretend everything is OK. Also, many, many people grapple with denial after abuse. He allows the kids near the abser because a part of him refuses to accept it happened, even when he verbalizes it. Also, again the forces that want to pretend the family is normal are strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having had sexual abuse in my own family, I think this behavior gets normalized. Siblings of the abusers have a different relationship with them and fond memories. It also creates a lot of family drama to not attend holidays, etc. I know in my own family, the abuser is allowed to come to all holidays because he "needs the support". The rest of us can choose whether to be around him or not. If we choose not, we are ruining the holiday and abandoning the family.

This.

My H told his family of the abuse and we said we would not come to any family events with the.abuser.

His aunt who was abused by my H s abusers father told him that he needed to put the needs of the family 1st.and his actions were fracturing the family.

Another "aunt" said we were weak because everybody has been abused in one way or another and we needed to deal.

The "normal" educated cousins who have children say we can't expect our mom to have family events without her brother and his son. They think they can "keep an eye on their kids" and they are safe from.abuse.

We were.told that the abuser was not coming to a fAmily event ... We drove 3 hours to it and when we walked in they had "tricked us" ...he was there and they thought we would never just leave and drive 3 more hours home.

We have not seen his family since.

[Anonymous]

In the documentary, the mother of the abused children couldn't understand how her husband could allow the children near the abusers. The abuser was left alone with the boy in his room at Thanksgiving. The mother said she thought it was odd, but when she checked on them and the door was locked, she was reassured by the uncle. It was so heartbreaking.

[Anonymous]

This. I am not a victim of sexual abuse, but of verbal and emotional. The system protects itself at all cost. You are the bad guy if you refuse to pretend everything is OK. Also, many, many people grapple with denial after abuse. He allows the kids near the abser because a part of him refuses to accept it happened, even when he verbalizes it. Also, again the forces that want to pretend the family is normal are strong.

Exactly. An abusive family's dynamics are set up to protect the abusers at all costs, and to ignore the abuse and the victims. People aren't even aware that they are playing out those roles, because the entire system is unhealthy and focused on denial and repression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having had sexual abuse in my own family, I think this behavior gets normalized. Siblings of the abusers have a different relationship with them and fond memories. It also creates a lot of family drama to not attend holidays, etc. I know in my own family, the abuser is allowed to come to all holidays because he "needs the support". The rest of us can choose whether to be around him or not. If we choose not, we are ruining the holiday and abandoning the family.

This.

My H told his family of the abuse and we said we would not come to any family events with the.abuser.

His aunt who was abused by my H s abusers father told him that he needed to put the needs of the family 1st.and his actions were fracturing the family.

Another "aunt" said we were weak because everybody has been abused in one way or another and we needed to deal.

The "normal" educated cousins who have children say we can't expect our mom to have family events without her brother and his son. They think they can "keep an eye on their kids" and they are safe from.abuse.

We were.told that the abuser was not coming to a fAmily event ... We drove 3 hours to it and when we walked in they had "tricked us" ...he was there and they thought we would never just leave and drive 3 more hours home.

We have not seen his family since.

Similar story in my DH’ family. We set boundaries, they actively thwarted them. And we aren’t good Christians because we haven’t forgiven the abusers.

No contact for 10 years- best decision ever.