Introducing kids to SO

[Anonymous]

What are your thoughts on introducing your kids to an SO? How long did you wait? For reference he's 5? Dd you involve or tell your XW?

[Anonymous]

I'd have to be dating them for at least a year and be seriously considering engagement before introducing my kids.

[Anonymous]

I casually mentioned it around 11 months after we started dating. “You know my friend Tom? We’re talking about dating.” Then I didn’t bring him up at all for three weeks. Then I let them meet for like two minutes- super fast and low key.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd have to be dating them for at least a year and be seriously considering engagement before introducing my kids.

This is a recipe for disaster.

Sorry, but someone's kids are part of the entire deal and I would not even consider engagement before meeting their children. You marry someone, you are marrying their kids and in a way, their ex-spouse, too. What if you wait a year then meet the kids and find out they are badly behaved and/or can't stand the sight of you? What if it turns out the ex is horribly jealous and creates conflict once they know you are serious? Then you must be prepared to walk away after investing your heart in someone.

I don't think there is anything wrong with a short, casual introduction to kids after several months of serious, exclusive dating. Especially if you both have kids - best to know sooner, rather than later, if there are going to be some unsurmountable problems.

[Anonymous]

... oooh telling your ex wife ...
(please make sure this isn't motivated by a need for drama)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd have to be dating them for at least a year and be seriously considering engagement before introducing my kids.

This is a recipe for disaster.

Sorry, but someone's kids are part of the entire deal and I would not even consider engagement before meeting their children. You marry someone, you are marrying their kids and in a way, their ex-spouse, too. What if you wait a year then meet the kids and find out they are badly behaved and/or can't stand the sight of you? What if it turns out the ex is horribly jealous and creates conflict once they know you are serious? Then you must be prepared to walk away after investing your heart in someone.

I don't think there is anything wrong with a short, casual introduction to kids after several months of serious, exclusive dating. Especially if you both have kids - best to know sooner, rather than later, if there are going to be some unsurmountable problems.

All I see here is how it affects the grown ups. In this instance, you need to put the kids’ welfare before the adults’. Kids don’t do well if they get emotionally attacked to a string of your partners. Serial monogamy is fine for adults, but it can wreak havoc on the kids who are subjected to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd have to be dating them for at least a year and be seriously considering engagement before introducing my kids.

This. All of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd have to be dating them for at least a year and be seriously considering engagement before introducing my kids.

This. All of it.

Ha! Wait till your beloved STB fiance's kid takes one look at you and says, "Mom told me she thought you had a girlfriend but were hiding her from me, so there must be something wrong with her. She told me if I don't like her I don't have to visit you anymore."

Good luck with This. All of it.

[Anonymous]

Make sure you’re seriously considering a life together, whatever that looks like for you.

I would do something short, where there is a distraction. If your child is 5, maybe a playground and ice cream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make sure you’re seriously considering a life together, whatever that looks like for you.

I would do something short, where there is a distraction. If your child is 5, maybe a playground and ice cream.

Six months is the general timeline. Maybe start discussing it with her prior to that to see what her thoughts are??

[Anonymous]

You have to wait for a bit, may be like 5-6 months to figure out if this is the SO you want to be.

One of the PP mentioned about introducing kids early as a family package deal. Yes, it's always a family acceptance but introducing too soon when you are unsure yourself is a recipe for disaster. There is no need to play with kids' emotions by introducing SO very early on.

Jealously with your ex is something you can't control and they don't need to be informed unless it's written in your agreement. You need to figure out what's best for your kids and introducing SO to your kids after a month to try out the family feel is a big NO NO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd have to be dating them for at least a year and be seriously considering engagement before introducing my kids.

This is a recipe for disaster.

Sorry, but someone's kids are part of the entire deal and I would not even consider engagement before meeting their children. You marry someone, you are marrying their kids and in a way, their ex-spouse, too. What if you wait a year then meet the kids and find out they are badly behaved and/or can't stand the sight of you? What if it turns out the ex is horribly jealous and creates conflict once they know you are serious? Then you must be prepared to walk away after investing your heart in someone.

I don't think there is anything wrong with a short, casual introduction to kids after several months of serious, exclusive dating. Especially if you both have kids - best to know sooner, rather than later, if there are going to be some unsurmountable problems.

So, do you take kids with you on 2nd or 3rd date? The whole point of waiting is to see if it would be good for you and your kids don't get to meet a lot of your SOs. If you are not even waiting for a few months then you should pretty selfish, PP. Sorry to say that.

[Anonymous]

You have to decide what is most important to you. Your kids, and creating a stable home for them? Or moving quickly into a new relationship and blending families? I'm not judging your decision, but the cold hard truth is that when it comes to this issue, this predicament right here is exactly why most blended families fail. Something like 75% fail within the first 5 years. Because you CAN NOT WIN. You will always be pitted between loyalty to two people you should really be loyal to.... your kids, and your significant other.

Move too slowly in introducing new partner, risk losing that person. Move too quickly, risk harming the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to decide what is most important to you. Your kids, and creating a stable home for them? Or moving quickly into a new relationship and blending families? I'm not judging your decision, but the cold hard truth is that when it comes to this issue, this predicament right here is exactly why most blended families fail. Something like 75% fail within the first 5 years. Because you CAN NOT WIN. You will always be pitted between loyalty to two people you should really be loyal to.... your kids, and your significant other.

Move too slowly in introducing new partner, risk losing that person. Move too quickly, risk harming the kids.

This is a ridiculous juxtaposition and makes me wonder if you are even speaking from experience. Also, we don't know if the OP is "moving quickly".

[Anonymous]

I waited 5 months (exclusive dating, not from the moment we met) to introduce my SO to my then four year old. He has no children and very little exposure to little kids so I wanted him to know what he was getting himself into. Before I even considered introducing him, we had several serious conversations about the trajectory of our relationship and I felt confident that he would be in my life for a significant amount of time. We kept their interactions low key for a few months (e.g. we are going to the park, SO will meet us there.) I mentioned to my exH that I would be introducing someone to DC in case it came up during his time but it was a simple "heads up" text. (But for context, my exH married a woman after dating her for about three months and never told me when he introduced his now wife to DC. So I didn't feel as if I owed him anything.)