Introducing kids to SO

[Anonymous]

Guy here. Dated a lot but only introduced one GF(current) to kids after dating her for 13 months. I want to be sure she is the one that I would move forward with and my children shouldn't be exposed to my dating life. But this is just me though.

In contrast, their mom introduced a couple of her SOs after knowing them for 5-6 weeks which I think is too early. After 6 weeks of dating, she also took kids to her SO's house and make them sleep there after getting drunk. I know this because she bragged it to be long enough time for kids to be introduced. Nothing for me to say when other parent thinks like this so I keep quiet and give my kids all the support they need.

[Anonymous]

I did some reading and found so good advice for introducing a girlfriend/boyfriend early. My kids meet lots of adults - coaches, neighbors, male colleagues, friends. I don’t have any issue with this type of limited contact. I had the same type of limited contact with my then boyfriend.

I felt that I needed to see my boyfriend interact with my kids before I could ever consider him a serious partner. We did ice cream dates and played in the backyard. I could see him in action and he could get a sense if he liked my kids. This type of limited interaction doesn’t cause great emotional bonds. It’s the same as a neighbor or family friend.

[Anonymous]

There is a lot of reading and research out there that says the opposite. Your kid could get a little jealous if he gets an idea that the person he/she is meeting is your SO. Little ones would have attachment issues as well. In addition, early on, even you don't know if this person is right for you so why bring the kid in the mix? What would happen if this SO doesn't work out? This would be a lot for your kid to take and he/she is not a dating filter for your SO. You need to grow up and take the responsibility that this has a much higher chance of issues with your child which also includes lost respect for you. Unless you don't care about all that and want to do whatever then there is nothing else to say. No need to show that your actions show care for your child.

[Anonymous]

Guy here - I waited until we were very serious before I introduced her to my kids who were 4 and 6 at the time. This was at about 8 months. I have primary custody and I just really didn’t care what my ex thought. She met my kids about 6 times before she ever came to our home and it was another month before she spent the night in our guest room though I had visitation rights. She really eased into a great relationship with my children and over a few months she was spending more and more time with them and me. When my oldest said to her that we should get married that pretty much sealed the deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here - I waited until we were very serious before I introduced her to my kids who were 4 and 6 at the time. This was at about 8 months. I have primary custody and I just really didn’t care what my ex thought. She met my kids about 6 times before she ever came to our home and it was another month before she spent the night in our guest room though I had visitation rights. She really eased into a great relationship with my children and over a few months she was spending more and more time with them and me. When my oldest said to her that we should get married that pretty much sealed the deal.

Good for you PP! I am glad that you were looking out for your kids and creating a stable environment for them.

I just can't understand some of the PPs that bring the whole family package deal too early in the dating scene. Very hard time to understand why people do this and then say that it is for the benefit of their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of reading and research out there that says the opposite. Your kid could get a little jealous if he gets an idea that the person he/she is meeting is your SO. Little ones would have attachment issues as well. In addition, early on, even you don't know if this person is right for you so why bring the kid in the mix? What would happen if this SO doesn't work out? This would be a lot for your kid to take and he/she is not a dating filter for your SO. You need to grow up and take the responsibility that this has a much higher chance of issues with your child which also includes lost respect for you. Unless you don't care about all that and want to do whatever then there is nothing else to say. No need to show that your actions show care for your child.

Well, this was years ago and we’re now married. My little ones only developed an attachment after my then boyfriend moved in. I wouldn’t develop a serious relationship with someone who didn’t show respect to my kids. I wouldn’t invest much time and effort if I hadn’t figured out if his relationship with the kids would work.

Why would kids be jealous of an opposite sex friend? I introduced him as my friend and we acted like friends. This is the same as any other male in their life. Not sure why people are so hesitant to introduce a significant other on a limited basis due to fears of emotional attachment, but have no problems with neighbors, coaches, teachers, distant relatives, and friends. To kids - it’s all the same.

[Anonymous]

Why kids get jealous of your SO? Because they are going to take away or spend so much time with their mom and dad. Adults get jealous so why wouldn't kids be.

You were lucky that it worked out for you but this would be a disaster for your kid if your first one didn't go very well and you had to use your kid as a check approval for your dating. Looks like kid is doing adult's job here.