Deciding on SAH v nanny only after baby comes?

[Anonymous]

Soon to be FTM here and I’m torn between SAH and hiring a nanny. I will have 4 months of maternity leave after baby arrives and was thinking of just seeing how baby is temperamentally, how I feel about being at home full time and how attached to baby I feel before deciding by around month 3 whether I will go back to my job. Is this too late to decide? Do I need more lead time to hire a good nanny? Everyone says daycares require a decision really early on and I’m wondering if the same is true for nannies. We also are relatively new to the area we live in and won’t have a huge network of people to seek nanny referrals from.

[Anonymous]

No, most nannies will be looking for a job that starts within a 1-2 month, so looking 3 months before is fine if it’s the first time you are looking for a nanny cause you’d want to meet a few candidates. Meeting several will expose you to the range of what’s available and help you also focus on what you need and what you offer.

[Anonymous]

Why not wait. A lot is changing right now.

[Anonymous]

p.s. but do start from now looking for referral system - neighborhood list serve, coworkers, neighbors, mommy groups, care.com or similar. You will not find candidate now, but it would make your life easier down the road if you have resources to shout out to for recommendations.

I had best results through neighbors / coworkers, and the best nanny I had was one who was recommended by a candidate who I contacted but who already accepted work with another family. The candidate told me that she was no longer available but her friend was looking for a job. I met the friend and spoke with her references and really liked her. She turned out to be a real gem of a nanny. So be open minded and follow all links.

[Anonymous]

You look for a nanny one month out and have to be ready to make your offer immediately.

Wait and see how you feel after a couple months at home.

[Anonymous]

I basically did this by accident. Four month maternity leave and had a terrible time finding childcare, wound up just deciding not to go back. Don't regret it -- my kid is amazing and I loved the extra time with her.

You don't need a huge network to find a nanny, by the way. Just take your baby to story times and other places where there are often lots of nannies, and if you see one who is really good, strike up a conversation and ask if they know anyone looking for a family. That's how we found ours. And I agree with others that you don't need nearly as much lead time for a nanny as daycare -- there are always people looking. If you decide to go back to work, I'd start looking about 2 months before and make sure you've scheduled interviews by a month before. And try to interview at least three -- even if you love the first person you meet with, sometimes things happen and they aren't available anymore. It's good to have others in mind.

[Anonymous]

I waited. It was actually the nanny interview process that became the deciding factor in resigning. It was a really, really tough decision to make, but I felt total peace once I made the final choice. We have no regrets. My gut instinct was spot on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I waited. It was actually the nanny interview process that became the deciding factor in resigning. It was a really, really tough decision to make, but I felt total peace once I made the final choice. We have no regrets. My gut instinct was spot on.

Same but with opposite outcome. When I met our now (and forever) nanny, who is a college graduate and former preschool teacher, I knew she could give my baby what I couldn’t. She just has a different skill set than DH or me. I loved her immediately and so did my then baby. Almost two years later and awaiting the birth of my second baby, and certainly throughout this covid shutdown, nanny has been a godsend.

I was definitely leaning toward quitting before I met her though. I am so, so glad I didn’t!

[Anonymous]

Wait! I thought I’d want to stay home and after having the baby I know I need to go back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I waited. It was actually the nanny interview process that became the deciding factor in resigning. It was a really, really tough decision to make, but I felt total peace once I made the final choice. We have no regrets. My gut instinct was spot on.

Same but with opposite outcome. When I met our now (and forever) nanny, who is a college graduate and former preschool teacher, I knew she could give my baby what I couldn’t. She just has a different skill set than DH or me. I loved her immediately and so did my then baby. Almost two years later and awaiting the birth of my second baby, and certainly throughout this covid shutdown, nanny has been a godsend.

I was definitely leaning toward quitting before I met her though. I am so, so glad I didn’t!

Same. I hated my options until I met the perfect person--she actually does love my children like her own. Funny thing is right after I chose her my work gave me a large promotion (while out on leave).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I waited. It was actually the nanny interview process that became the deciding factor in resigning. It was a really, really tough decision to make, but I felt total peace once I made the final choice. We have no regrets. My gut instinct was spot on.

Same but with opposite outcome. When I met our now (and forever) nanny, who is a college graduate and former preschool teacher, I knew she could give my baby what I couldn’t. She just has a different skill set than DH or me. I loved her immediately and so did my then baby. Almost two years later and awaiting the birth of my second baby, and certainly throughout this covid shutdown, nanny has been a godsend.

I was definitely leaning toward quitting before I met her though. I am so, so glad I didn’t!

How did you find someone with those credentials?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I basically did this by accident. Four month maternity leave and had a terrible time finding childcare, wound up just deciding not to go back. Don't regret it -- my kid is amazing and I loved the extra time with her.

You don't need a huge network to find a nanny, by the way. Just take your baby to story times and other places where there are often lots of nannies, and if you see one who is really good, strike up a conversation and ask if they know anyone looking for a family. That's how we found ours. And I agree with others that you don't need nearly as much lead time for a nanny as daycare -- there are always people looking. If you decide to go back to work, I'd start looking about 2 months before and make sure you've scheduled interviews by a month before. And try to interview at least three -- even if you love the first person you meet with, sometimes things happen and they aren't available anymore. It's good to have others in mind.

This is good advice in general, but these places are all closed right now. There are no story tunes or play dates. Any nanny who’s bringing her charges to congregate with lots of nannies in public education laces should be immediately crossed off your list. You need someone responsible to take care of your children. Everything is going to be virtual - mom’s groups, neighborhood list serves, etc. It’s a lot harder.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to say I was always planning to go back to work, but I took 6 months and by the end of it I was so ready to go back. My brain was just totally fried. It had nothing to do with my bond with my baby, he's awesome. I just had trouble being without other adults all day and I missed my job.

Although I'm doing both now and I'm totally fried.

[Anonymous]

I also had 4 months of maternity leave. We started looking for a nanny six weeks before I went back to work. We hired someone to start when I had one more week left at home.

[Anonymous]

If you do this, 90% chance you don’t go back. Finding a nanny is hard the first time (gets easier as you learn how to do it), the transition is stressful and intimidating, and you will “decide” not to because you’ll be tired and the logistics will seem overwhelming. Speaking as someone who has worked and SAH, I suggest you lay the groundwork to go back now, as if you really have to. It’s hard to work and have a baby but there are huge benefits too, and you may be glad even if you decide to SAH later (which is more fun anyway).