Deciding on SAH v nanny only after baby comes?

[Anonymous]

I think COVID oddly gives you a good opportunity — if you can work from home. Get your head back into work while not needing to go through the slog of commuting etc. See how you feel with chunks away from the baby without the complete daylong separation. Also hiring a nanny is not a lifetime commitment. Try it out and return to work from home and if you hate it you’ll know.

Also I would think super hard about quitting work in this economic uncertainty. Assuming your partner is working but if that job is not like a locked down fed job that could be uncertain too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I basically did this by accident. Four month maternity leave and had a terrible time finding childcare, wound up just deciding not to go back. Don't regret it -- my kid is amazing and I loved the extra time with her.

You don't need a huge network to find a nanny, by the way. Just take your baby to story times and other places where there are often lots of nannies, and if you see one who is really good, strike up a conversation and ask if they know anyone looking for a family. That's how we found ours. And I agree with others that you don't need nearly as much lead time for a nanny as daycare -- there are always people looking. If you decide to go back to work, I'd start looking about 2 months before and make sure you've scheduled interviews by a month before. And try to interview at least three -- even if you love the first person you meet with, sometimes things happen and they aren't available anymore. It's good to have others in mind.

This is good advice in general, but these places are all closed right now. There are no story tunes or play dates. Any nanny who’s bringing her charges to congregate with lots of nannies in public education laces should be immediately crossed off your list. You need someone responsible to take care of your children. Everything is going to be virtual - mom’s groups, neighborhood list serves, etc. It’s a lot harder.

Yeah the other places I think are useful to find someone is via work (but I don't know how much that's changed now without water cooler type conversations just happening) and church (those were both good places in my own experience) which isn't happenng now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Soon to be FTM here and I’m torn between SAH and hiring a nanny. I will have 4 months of maternity leave after baby arrives and was thinking of just seeing how baby is temperamentally, how I feel about being at home full time and how attached to baby I feel before deciding by around month 3 whether I will go back to my job. Is this too late to decide? Do I need more lead time to hire a good nanny? Everyone says daycares require a decision really early on and I’m wondering if the same is true for nannies. We also are relatively new to the area we live in and won’t have a huge network of people to seek nanny referrals from.

No, daycares need lead time because they’re filling a room. Nannies are sole employees and, like any working person, don’t sit around and wait salary-free for six months.

Start looking for a nanny 1.5 to 1 month before you return to work. But have everything ready: your needs, hours, expectations, etc before that. Educate yourself on cost and benefits in your area and what kind of a nanny you want.

[Anonymous]

SAH!

[Anonymous]

OP, I took a four month maternity leave, went back to work (as I'd planned from the start)), and then one month in realized I missed my baby too much and was miserable. I tried talking to work about taking an unpaid leave or moving to part time, but obviously by then I'd been out for four months and only back for a while and they were non-plussed. So I stayed two more weeks and helped interview my replacement candidates, pulled the baby from daycare, and became a SAHM.

My point here being: it's never too late. My suspicion if you are thinking about SAH now is that it's something that appeals to you but you've heard other moms talk about being miserable or bored or not being able to wait to get back to work. And yes, that might happen! I have lots of friends who felt that way and were much happier working full time. But my experience is that if it is something you think you might enjoy, you probably will. But there is no reason to commit to it now.

Also, if you are wondering, I went back to work full time when my daughter was three and did not find re-entry to be that bad. Compared to returning to week with a four month old, it was a piece of cake. Maybe I just got lucky, but no one seemed phased by my time off. Though I wound up at a small company owned by a mom and where everyone has kids, so that might be why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I basically did this by accident. Four month maternity leave and had a terrible time finding childcare, wound up just deciding not to go back. Don't regret it -- my kid is amazing and I loved the extra time with her.

You don't need a huge network to find a nanny, by the way. Just take your baby to story times and other places where there are often lots of nannies, and if you see one who is really good, strike up a conversation and ask if they know anyone looking for a family. That's how we found ours. And I agree with others that you don't need nearly as much lead time for a nanny as daycare -- there are always people looking. If you decide to go back to work, I'd start looking about 2 months before and make sure you've scheduled interviews by a month before. And try to interview at least three -- even if you love the first person you meet with, sometimes things happen and they aren't available anymore. It's good to have others in mind.

I sort of disagree. That's how you find someone who's friends with or related to a great nanny. My best childcare has been on the recommendations of people I know and trust. Or simple good luck in the search process.