What does it mean to say a man is “emotionally unavailable?”

[Anonymous]

I hear women say this about their SOs a lot — husbands and boyfriends.

What does it mean, exactly, and why is it so common? Is it a Mars/Venus thing?

[Anonymous]

He’s not ready to invest in a long term relationship.

[Anonymous]

I define it as a man who is unable to fully commit emotionally. Here’s an example. My friend and her DH married in June (not this year) and in July, two things happened, her mom had a stroke and end up in a nursing home at only 60 and my friend had an ectopic pregnancy rupture. The weekend following the rupture, while my friend was still reeling, her DH flew to Vegas for a spur of the moment guy’s weekend. He didn’t ask or anything. He just told her. My assumption is that he did not intend to be cruel, but just lacked the capacity to be present for his grieving wife.

[Anonymous]

He quit pretending to be interested in her incessant stream-of-consciousness babble about what she’s feeling right now. This is inevitable at some point in the relationship because a man can only maintain that pretense for so long.

[Anonymous]

It means I'll be attracted to him.

[Anonymous]

He's not mature or mentally stable enough to be in a monogamous relationship.

[Anonymous]

He can’t open up emotionally, he’ll date, have sex, make love but will not be able to fall in love and commit.

[Anonymous]

aspergers traits possibly autism and / or other male deficiencies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I define it as a man who is unable to fully commit emotionally. Here’s an example. My friend and her DH married in June (not this year) and in July, two things happened, her mom had a stroke and end up in a nursing home at only 60 and my friend had an ectopic pregnancy rupture. The weekend following the rupture, while my friend was still reeling, her DH flew to Vegas for a spur of the moment guy’s weekend. He didn’t ask or anything. He just told her. My assumption is that he did not intend to be cruel, but just lacked the capacity to be present for his grieving wife.

Wow, this guy is a straight up asshole. I hope she divorces him. That’s honestly unforgivable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I define it as a man who is unable to fully commit emotionally. Here’s an example. My friend and her DH married in June (not this year) and in July, two things happened, her mom had a stroke and end up in a nursing home at only 60 and my friend had an ectopic pregnancy rupture. The weekend following the rupture, while my friend was still reeling, her DH flew to Vegas for a spur of the moment guy’s weekend. He didn’t ask or anything. He just told her. My assumption is that he did not intend to be cruel, but just lacked the capacity to be present for his grieving wife.

Perfect example. It is not that he internationally made a cruel choice ..he had no understanding or appreciation that she needed his support. It can be explained at length and he will not be able to grasp it. Lack of capacity... exactly.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, and if it were THE MAN whose mother had a stroke and had a friend in the hospital, you can bet his wife wouldn’t provide him with “emotional support”. She’d expect him to suck it up and deal. After all, he has responsibilities! Essentially, women want men to be “emotionally available” TO THEM but there won’t be any of it coming back his way. Women despise weak, emotional men, that’s just a fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It means I'll be attracted to him.

Best response ever! Right there with you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, and if it were THE MAN whose mother had a stroke and had a friend in the hospital, you can bet his wife wouldn’t provide him with “emotional support”. She’d expect him to suck it up and deal. After all, he has responsibilities! Essentially, women want men to be “emotionally available” TO THEM but there won’t be any of it coming back his way. Women despise weak, emotional men, that’s just a fact.

Are you mad? The wife would probably be organizing meal trains and buying her MIL cozy blankets, while her husband stares awkwardly at his phone by his mother’s bedside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, and if it were THE MAN whose mother had a stroke and had a friend in the hospital, you can bet his wife wouldn’t provide him with “emotional support”. She’d expect him to suck it up and deal. After all, he has responsibilities! Essentially, women want men to be “emotionally available” TO THEM but there won’t be any of it coming back his way. Women despise weak, emotional men, that’s just a fact.

There was no friend in the hospital. The mother who had the stroke ended up in a nursing home permanently. The wife lost a pregnancy and a Fallopian tube. If a man’s mother became disabled after a stroke and then he lost a testicle in the same month, he would divorce her if she went to Vegas for a gals’ weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, and if it were THE MAN whose mother had a stroke and had a friend in the hospital, you can bet his wife wouldn’t provide him with “emotional support”. She’d expect him to suck it up and deal. After all, he has responsibilities! Essentially, women want men to be “emotionally available” TO THEM but there won’t be any of it coming back his way. Women despise weak, emotional men, that’s just a fact.

Are you mad? The wife would probably be organizing meal trains and buying her MIL cozy blankets, while her husband stares awkwardly at his phone by his mother’s bedside.

This!