What does it mean to say a man is “emotionally unavailable?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, and if it were THE MAN whose mother had a stroke and had a friend in the hospital, you can bet his wife wouldn’t provide him with “emotional support”. She’d expect him to suck it up and deal. After all, he has responsibilities! Essentially, women want men to be “emotionally available” TO THEM but there won’t be any of it coming back his way. Women despise weak, emotional men, that’s just a fact.

I disagree. The women I know in such situations will drop everything to be there emotionally for their SO.

[Anonymous]

in my case, I mean that he has sex with me but treats me like a dude friend all the rest of the time. no compliments, no dates, no effort, no affection. No emotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, and if it were THE MAN whose mother had a stroke and had a friend in the hospital, you can bet his wife wouldn’t provide him with “emotional support”. She’d expect him to suck it up and deal. After all, he has responsibilities! Essentially, women want men to be “emotionally available” TO THEM but there won’t be any of it coming back his way. Women despise weak, emotional men, that’s just a fact.

I disagree. The women I know in such situations will drop everything to be there emotionally for their SO.

True.

Men think that women want them to suck it up and deal, but really we want to support you. Don’t push us away. My dad is a macho stoic and the result has been extreme high blood pressure. He has pushed away two wives and a long-term gf because he didn’t want to talk about his emotional pain with them or see a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, and if it were THE MAN whose mother had a stroke and had a friend in the hospital, you can bet his wife wouldn’t provide him with “emotional support”. She’d expect him to suck it up and deal. After all, he has responsibilities! Essentially, women want men to be “emotionally available” TO THEM but there won’t be any of it coming back his way. Women despise weak, emotional men, that’s just a fact.

I disagree. The women I know in such situations will drop everything to be there emotionally for their SO.

True.

Men think that women want them to suck it up and deal, but really we want to support you. Don’t push us away. My dad is a macho stoic and the result has been extreme high blood pressure. He has pushed away two wives and a long-term gf because he didn’t want to talk about his emotional pain with them or see a therapist.

Sure, you say this, and you might even believe it, but every man knows better. The instant he shows any weakness, he sees the contempt plainly written on her face.

[Anonymous]

Severe commitment or unresolved psychological issues that prevent them from functioning in a healthy relationship (i.e. not needing to create distance). It’s a fine line between “emotionally unavailable,” and “he’s just not that into you.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, and if it were THE MAN whose mother had a stroke and had a friend in the hospital, you can bet his wife wouldn’t provide him with “emotional support”. She’d expect him to suck it up and deal. After all, he has responsibilities! Essentially, women want men to be “emotionally available” TO THEM but there won’t be any of it coming back his way. Women despise weak, emotional men, that’s just a fact.

I disagree. The women I know in such situations will drop everything to be there emotionally for their SO.

True.

Men think that women want them to suck it up and deal, but really we want to support you. Don’t push us away. My dad is a macho stoic and the result has been extreme high blood pressure. He has pushed away two wives and a long-term gf because he didn’t want to talk about his emotional pain with them or see a therapist.

Sure, you say this, and you might even believe it, but every man knows better. The instant he shows any weakness, he sees the contempt plainly written on her face.

I just asked DH and he said you need to find better women.

[Anonymous]

I came to understand that my dad is emotionally unavailable due to his alcoholism. He’s recovered but I think it takes everything he’s got. An example: the day I left for college, I expected to say goodbye to him, but he had went out without telling me.

[Anonymous]

To me it’s my DH. He doesn’t ever want to discuss emotions or anything major. Just surface stuff is what he’s comfortable with. He’s affectionate but not deep and definitely not a good communicator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s not ready to invest in a long term relationship.

I hear it from women who have been married to their husbands for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, and if it were THE MAN whose mother had a stroke and had a friend in the hospital, you can bet his wife wouldn’t provide him with “emotional support”. She’d expect him to suck it up and deal. After all, he has responsibilities! Essentially, women want men to be “emotionally available” TO THEM but there won’t be any of it coming back his way. Women despise weak, emotional men, that’s just a fact.

I disagree. The women I know in such situations will drop everything to be there emotionally for their SO.

True.

Men think that women want them to suck it up and deal, but really we want to support you. Don’t push us away. My dad is a macho stoic and the result has been extreme high blood pressure. He has pushed away two wives and a long-term gf because he didn’t want to talk about his emotional pain with them or see a therapist.

Sure, you say this, and you might even believe it, but every man knows better. The instant he shows any weakness, he sees the contempt plainly written on her face.

I just asked DH and he said you need to find better women.

+1. I'm newly single because my partner's fear of being vulnerable or weak in front of me was a dealbreaker. I tried, but ultimately did not want to battle with his ego for the next 40 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:aspergers traits possibly autism and / or other male deficiencies

Wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I define it as a man who is unable to fully commit emotionally. Here’s an example. My friend and her DH married in June (not this year) and in July, two things happened, her mom had a stroke and end up in a nursing home at only 60 and my friend had an ectopic pregnancy rupture. The weekend following the rupture, while my friend was still reeling, her DH flew to Vegas for a spur of the moment guy’s weekend. He didn’t ask or anything. He just told her. My assumption is that he did not intend to be cruel, but just lacked the capacity to be present for his grieving wife.

Perfect example. It is not that he internationally made a cruel choice ..he had no understanding or appreciation that she needed his support. It can be explained at length and he will not be able to grasp it. Lack of capacity... exactly.

I think it's emotional laziness and selfishness. Much like the idea from yesteryear that men are constitutionally incapable of basic parenting tasks, like booking a pediatrician's appointment, dressing a child in the morning, or putting them down for a nap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He quit pretending to be interested in her incessant stream-of-consciousness babble about what she’s feeling right now. This is inevitable at some point in the relationship because a man can only maintain that pretense for so long.

+1

On topic, I have heard many one way conversations while at one sitting, sometimes for hours. HOW do men DO this? How do they listen to the non stop drama and babble, that goes on and on and on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I define it as a man who is unable to fully commit emotionally. Here’s an example. My friend and her DH married in June (not this year) and in July, two things happened, her mom had a stroke and end up in a nursing home at only 60 and my friend had an ectopic pregnancy rupture. The weekend following the rupture, while my friend was still reeling, her DH flew to Vegas for a spur of the moment guy’s weekend. He didn’t ask or anything. He just told her. My assumption is that he did not intend to be cruel, but just lacked the capacity to be present for his grieving wife.

Perfect example. It is not that he internationally made a cruel choice ..he had no understanding or appreciation that she needed his support. It can be explained at length and he will not be able to grasp it. Lack of capacity... exactly.

I think it's emotional laziness and selfishness. Much like the idea from yesteryear that men are constitutionally incapable of basic parenting tasks, like booking a pediatrician's appointment, dressing a child in the morning, or putting them down for a nap.

+1

This crap is taught. If a man has had a father figure that set this kind of negative checked out example, just run far and long. The mom put up with his sh*t, now he (the son) expects you to do the same. Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He quit pretending to be interested in her incessant stream-of-consciousness babble about what she’s feeling right now. This is inevitable at some point in the relationship because a man can only maintain that pretense for so long.

+1

On topic, I have heard many one way conversations while at one sitting, sometimes for hours. HOW do men DO this? How do they listen to the non stop drama and babble, that goes on and on and on?

I’ve been married long enough to have perfected the art of “appearing” interested and engaged, meanwhile my head is a Million miles away. Wives do this exact same thing... in regards to sex.