Holding back a grade? Really need advice

[Anonymous]

Our DD is what I consider above average. Went to private 1st grade so her NWEA was 178(Math) 164(Reading). Entered FCPS in 2nd grade Composite COGAT 121. Age percentile rank 91 (done in blocks of 1 month). Going by the FCPS cut-off in K, she would have missed it by 11 days (October born, cut off is 9/30). I am wondering if we should have her repeat 2nd grade or continue onto 3rd? Academically and physically she is doing fine but verbal communication seems to lack. She struggles often in communicating her thoughts using the right words. It is bad at times to the point where her peers lose interest when she speaks. Husband often loses patience when she is not able to ask the right questions, which creates a stressful environment in our home.

I'm desperate for some advice.

[Anonymous]

Have her continue to the appropriate grade and have her evaluated for speech therapy services.

[Anonymous]

I would keep her on grade level, especially given DL. I think even with the time for planning for DL this school year (as compared with it just happening unexpectedly last school year), we are not going to be good at it yet and kids are going to move at a slower pace.

My daughter transferred from private to public in third and her birthday was six or so weeks after the cutoff for the start of school. What you are describing isn't anything like my daughter. My daughter is pretty average - she was just advanced in the early elementary school skills. What I would say is that if she continues to have the communication issues, you might want to have an evaluation to see if she has delays in certain areas or has any sort of disability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DD is what I consider above average. Went to private 1st grade so her NWEA was 178(Math) 164(Reading). Entered FCPS in 2nd grade Composite COGAT 121. Age percentile rank 91 (done in blocks of 1 month). Going by the FCPS cut-off in K, she would have missed it by 11 days (October born, cut off is 9/30). I am wondering if we should have her repeat 2nd grade or continue onto 3rd? Academically and physically she is doing fine but verbal communication seems to lack. She struggles often in communicating her thoughts using the right words. It is bad at times to the point where her peers lose interest when she speaks. Husband often loses patience when she is not able to ask the right questions, which creates a stressful environment in our home.

I'm desperate for some advice.

Grades and numbers aside, would holding back take the pressure off her in some way and would she benefit? Would she be conscious of it and find it difficult to see friends move ahead a grade or can you change school?

the reason I ask these questions is because we did exactly this with our son. He just made the cut off date, was the smallest in class (the girls literally picked him up off the ground during recess because he was "cute") and he struggled. But he did miss out socially not having friends move into his class - he made new friends quickly and he didn't sense any stigma and he definitely benefitted. He is now effectively in the correct grade and doing really well. So it helped his confidence academically but there was a brief wobble socially.

[Anonymous]

Don't hold her back. She will be fine. My September kid is doing great.

[Anonymous]

OP Here

Thank you so much for your insights. I really do appreciate every bit of advice.

We cannot change schools, I don’t think. We have the option of homeschooling this upcoming year since we’re going to be in DL mode anyway. Or virtual Virginia.

Over dinner, our daughter mentioned that there were 3 other kids with October birthdays who were a year older compared to her. When I see other 4 vs 5, or 5 vs 6 yr olds I see a huge difference in maturity/logic in those kids.

I’m leaning towards holding back but my husband is not sold on the idea.

My husband thinks as long as she

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have her continue to the appropriate grade and have her evaluated for speech therapy services.

At this age, she needs a neuropsychological evaluation to screen for possible learning disabilities and/or adhd. Op, this can be covered whole or in part by insurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have her continue to the appropriate grade and have her evaluated for speech therapy services.

At this age, she needs a neuropsychological evaluation to screen for possible learning disabilities and/or adhd. Op, this can be covered whole or in part by insurance.

NP: “Academically she is doing fine” same grade + speech therapy and see where she is at the end of the calendar year

[Anonymous]

Op here.

Thank you so much. I’ll be contacting the pediatrician tomorrow to get this ball rolling.

It’s very hard breaking to see your kid struggle.. and maybe I’m being overly critical but it’s hard not to stress out about it.

According to DH, he was also that way for a bit. He was the youngest in his class and didn’t really start caring about grades, participation etc until 4-5th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our DD is what I consider above average. Went to private 1st grade so her NWEA was 178(Math) 164(Reading). Entered FCPS in 2nd grade Composite COGAT 121. Age percentile rank 91 (done in blocks of 1 month). Going by the FCPS cut-off in K, she would have missed it by 11 days (October born, cut off is 9/30). I am wondering if we should have her repeat 2nd grade or continue onto 3rd? Academically and physically she is doing fine but verbal communication seems to lack. She struggles often in communicating her thoughts using the right words. It is bad at times to the point where her peers lose interest when she speaks. Husband often loses patience when she is not able to ask the right questions, which creates a stressful environment in our home.

I'm desperate for some advice.

Grades and numbers aside, would holding back take the pressure off her in some way and would she benefit? Would she be conscious of it and find it difficult to see friends move ahead a grade or can you change school?

the reason I ask these questions is because we did exactly this with our son. He just made the cut off date, was the smallest in class (the girls literally picked him up off the ground during recess because he was "cute") and he struggled. But he did miss out socially not having friends move into his class - he made new friends quickly and he didn't sense any stigma and he definitely benefitted. He is now effectively in the correct grade and doing really well. So it helped his confidence academically but there was a brief wobble socially.

Yes this is what the ideal outcome would be. Her correct grade would be rising 2nd instead of the current rising 3rd. She blows my mind when we sit down for math drills. The concepts stick so easily and quickly. Language arts and communication are a different story. Socially she latches onto the kids that are similar to her (somewhat lazy, not active participants, “struggle with communication” in her own words).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have her continue to the appropriate grade and have her evaluated for speech therapy services.

At this age, she needs a neuropsychological evaluation to screen for possible learning disabilities and/or adhd. Op, this can be covered whole or in part by insurance.

NP: “Academically she is doing fine” same grade + speech therapy and see where she is at the end of the calendar year

She’s doing fine for second grade. Schedule the neuropsych evaluation now:
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.understood.org/en/learning-thinking-differences/child-learning-disabilities/issues-involving-spoken-language/why-is-my-child-having-trouble-finding-the-right-word-to-say

Word retrieval issues could be anxiety and/or language based LD. Before third grade, school is learning to read. After third, it’s reading to learn. Better to screen for possible difficulties rather than waiting a year. Speech therapy is fine too but SLPs can’t give a whole picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

Thank you so much. I’ll be contacting the pediatrician tomorrow to get this ball rolling.

It’s very hard breaking to see your kid struggle.. and maybe I’m being overly critical but it’s hard not to stress out about it.

According to DH, he was also that way for a bit. He was the youngest in his class and didn’t really start caring about grades, participation etc until 4-5th grade.

it does start to even out after 3rd grade - lots of stressed parents trying to help kids bring one side up (math or language) and then boom - it kind of falls into place. Often its a developmental milestone the kid has to pass in order for the schoolwork to make sense to them.

You're doing everything you can so that's great. Try not to stress the kid out with your own worries too. good luck.

[Anonymous]

No, they won’t let her repeat. Does she have an iep?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

Thank you so much. I’ll be contacting the pediatrician tomorrow to get this ball rolling.

It’s very hard breaking to see your kid struggle.. and maybe I’m being overly critical but it’s hard not to stress out about it.

According to DH, he was also that way for a bit. He was the youngest in his class and didn’t really start caring about grades, participation etc until 4-5th grade.

it does start to even out after 3rd grade - lots of stressed parents trying to help kids bring one side up (math or language) and then boom - it kind of falls into place. Often its a developmental milestone the kid has to pass in order for the schoolwork to make sense to them.

You're doing everything you can so that's great. Try not to stress the kid out with your own worries too. good luck.

The speech issues the OP is describing has nothing to do with being the youngest or oldest in the class. It signals possible learning difficulties which has nothing to do with caring about grades or how smart a kid is.

Op, I don’t know if you should hold her back or not. From a practical standpoint, this would be the time to do it. My kid went to a private school that ran through 2 and they occasionally recommended kids repeat 1st or 2nd. This helps if a child is strictly struggling with maturity, but not necessarily helpful if struggling with something like a learning disability.

For example, pre-pandemic, the lab school doesn’t go by grades in the lower school. They teach math and reading in groups 2s or 3s and teach everything else as small classes. Kids move on at different times.

Public schools used to have kids repeat at the 5th grade when it was basically falling apart for them academically. These days b/c of overcrowded schools, they usually won’t let kids repeat. People in the dmv get really hung up on repeating grades b/c this practice is abused at private schools for the sake of having bigger athletes on the lacrosse field.

Given the expressive language struggles you described, I would really urge you to get a neuropsych evaluation. daisy pascualvaca in dc is well respected. Children’s hospital or Kennedy krieger also do this. I would lean toward repeating 2, getting her a full evaluation and working with a SLP. Her pragmatic skills could hurt her socially. This way she’d have a little extra time to blossom.

[Anonymous]

Given what you describe, holding her back would mean that she would likely be bored academically because it would be a retread and there would be no challenge at all, and she'd still struggle with whatever verbal communication issue she had. Not a good solution. Talk to your ped about an evaluation.