Teenagers and Elderly parents can be their own special kind of torture
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Anonymous
| I finally (with the help of books and a therapist) have figured out how to work around an incredibly difficult elderly parent and maintain a calm relationship and chose my battles when it comes to getting her help. Now one of my kids (a teenager) has suddenly become very difficult. I'm on it, but this is deranged game of wack-a-mole. I have to laugh otherwise I would be depressed. I will say as challenging as my teen is right now, it is still easier than dealing with a very difficult parent. I have some authority at least. |
Anonymous
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Yes welcome to the sandwich generation.
I tend to eat for any reason (stress, fun, bonding, hunger...) and in these years have been a little chunky, but a year ago my mom and one DD got me so stressed out I started to shake and couldn't eat. It was hell. It seemed no matter how hard I worked at it, I was failing at helping either of them, and my other DC was neglected in the mess. Anyways it's over now; my mom died, and oddly, the covid situation seems to have calmed and grown up my DD. We still have financial problems linked to DH's selfish parents, but it's a different kind of pressure than my mom's illness. |
Anonymous
OP here. My heart goes out to you. Yes, when one of my kids was diagnosed with SN I gained soo much weight. The stress of elderly issues made me gain, and then lose my appetite. When things got really bad I kept losing and then decided to be ultra healthy. I decided I will have a nervous breakdown if I am dealing with sugar crashes and energy issues too and it was a way to show myself love when I was getting bombarded with stress. So now I lose much slower, but the healthy food and exercise keeps me from falling apart. For is, the elderly parent issues improved with Covid and techniques. Nobody throws tantrums out in public from 10 feet away. I think Covid has made my child with SN worse, even though initially things were better and he seemed more mature. My daughter is all over the map too, but not as extreme as my son. Calgon...take me away! |
Anonymous
I meant to say also I am sorry to hear about the financial issues. You don't deserve all this stress. I am thinking of you. Us sandwich generation folks are in a hellish sister and brotherhood. I truly hope you come out of this stronger and HAPPIER. Already the littlest things make me happy because i have dealt with so much misery. |
Anonymous
| I will take a difficult teen over elderly any day. We went through all the stages of dementia and it was horrific. I hope I drop deal or someone kills me if it comes to that. |
Anonymous
Yes, went through all the stages of Alzheimers with a parent all the way to a horrifying end. Yes, I hope I die peacefully in my sleep long before that, but after my kids are settled in their lives. I don't want to experience it myself and I don't want my kids to go through the hell I went through. |
Anonymous
| Yup, middle age can be beyond crazy: hormonal teenagers, elderly parents, and then, the best, MENOPAUSE hits. It's your superpower! You can be as forgetful as your parents, as emotional as your teens, and manage unpredictable bleeding, sleeplessness, hot flashes, night sweats, and random rage. Good luck, OP, there is an end to all this. |
Anonymous
| add in menopause and you have the trifecta! |
Anonymous
Does peri-menopause count...if so I have the trifecta! |
Anonymous
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20:10 again and thank you for the replies. Everything is better now, and I don't mean to re-focus OP's post on me.
And for OP...it will get better--I say to our Sandwich Sisterhood--it's not forever! xo to you all, as Rosie says, we can do it! |
Anonymous
| Yes. It is not easy. My mom has not been difficult at all lately, but she has breast cancer and had a surgery and now has chemo and it is emotionally difficult. My 19 year old, with adhd, has decided she is bipolar and is using her "depression" to make my life a living hell. I keep quiet, as maybe she does have depression and all, but she traveled to Minnesota to be with the friend!! and her group and I told me she is mentally healthy there, it is just me here! And she bad mouths me to every single person! I am not abusive at all. If I have to hear one more thing about her listening to her cosmic masters and buying crystals I will scream! |
Anonymous
Well if she has depression, she should be seeing a therapist. Is she seeing a therapist? My DD (with very mild adhd) told me she had adhd back when she was 15. I ended up taking her to a really good CBT (cognitive behavior) therapist, who really helped her learn skills to navigate anxiety, depression, and her adhd. As a bonus, OP, it gives the teen someone other than you to pour all their negative energy into. So it reduced the "living hell" aspect to "minor hell." |
Anonymous
She had adhd, and was not diagnosed with the depression. Her therapist thinks she is exhibiting some bipolar traits. She refuses to go to the therapist regularly, only when the she wants and right away. So, no, her therapist does not have slots open on whim. DD is also telling her brother that she has a heart condition. So, DS gets all worried if sister is upset. She does not have a heart condition. She has orthostatic bp, on a very few occasions, and cardiologist ruled out any cardio issues. I have a great therapist that does CBP, but she doesn't want to go to her, instead she likes this therapist where she can have an hour of criticizing me. Kid is as self centered as it gets. She actually cut her toe nails in her brother's car!! one night, for some reason, but not in her car since that was gross. She is all kinds of messed up. She missed a flight on purpose, and overstayed her welcome at a friends. She acts like the whole world is there to serve her. Sure, I sound nuts too. Trust me, you would sound nuts if you had to listen to her being in a bad mood bcs Mercury or something is in a depression, or there is a full moon, or Venus is entering something! |
Anonymous
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My mother is losing it and talking to her is like talking a teen in some ways. She and her friends are all very melodramatic about things. She informed me her friend's kids had the nerve take away her car due to Covid to make sure she does social distancing and how cruel that is. I know the kids. They took away her keys and car because she is a danger on the road and could kills someone. I gently explained this to my mother who insists her friend is being tortured by the adult kids (who are lovely people).
She gets into fights with store clerks, receptionists, nurses, you name it and it is always, always their fault. She was screened for dementia is supposedly fine and she got a checkup recently. She has lost her ability to see another person's point of view. She tells stories of mean, awful adult children who put her friends in assisted living and memory care. They chose beautiful facilities and it was a well thought out plan for the safety of their elderly loved ones. She then tells of the saint who moved her mother in. That mother has been a free nanny on and off to them over the years and she is again living with them-takes care of grandkids, cooks meals and CLEANS! She is also her daughter's best friend and personal therapist. Who wouldn't want that situation in your house as opposed to somone who is always angry, refuses to take anti-anxiety meds and who threatens to ruin your life if you ever take her car keys. |
Anonymous
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Given your parents, what are the odds that you are a dream yourself??
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