Has anyone had success in using a matchmaker service to find their spouse?

[Anonymous]

I've tried dating apps, even the ones that are supposedly for serious marriage-minded people. I've put myself out there, joined activities, and not just activities that are for women. I've done meet-ups etc. I'm 35, and I'm tired. I wonder if a professional matchmaker could be of any use.

[Anonymous]

My friend did. Thought I will add he was separated which I thought should have been an excluding criteria if you are using match making service. I would expect all their members to be either single or divorced. I would ask about this.

His divorce wasn’t even final until after a year of them dating. But they did eventually get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend did. Thought I will add he was separated which I thought should have been an excluding criteria if you are using match making service. I would expect all their members to be either single or divorced. I would ask about this.

His divorce wasn’t even final until after a year of them dating. But they did eventually get married.

Do you know which service she used? How long ago?

I agree I think being completely single never married or divorced would be the bare minimum. I'm not interested in paying good money to be involved in an entanglement.

[Anonymous]

This was about 10 yrs ago and I don't know the service but it was in the DMV area.

Whatever service you pick verify they do a records and background check to verify the members aren't legally married, felons, abusers, etc.

[Anonymous]

Many years ago, a couple of my single friends and I decided to sign up for "It's Just Lunch."

Biggest waste of time and money ever. None of us wound up meeting anyone even remotely worth consideration. I had one date where the guy showed up high on something, made a few hostile and critical remarks to me, then left the table and began flirting with a waitress. I threw some money down on the table and left.

When I called up the service and told them they didn't seem to be overly concerned. I'm sure they probably tried to match him with someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many years ago, a couple of my single friends and I decided to sign up for "It's Just Lunch."

Biggest waste of time and money ever. None of us wound up meeting anyone even remotely worth consideration. I had one date where the guy showed up high on something, made a few hostile and critical remarks to me, then left the table and began flirting with a waitress. I threw some money down on the table and left.

When I called up the service and told them they didn't seem to be overly concerned. I'm sure they probably tried to match him with someone else.

Oh wow! That's absolutely terrible. I could have that experience for free. sorry that happed to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was about 10 yrs ago and I don't know the service but it was in the DMV area.

Whatever service you pick verify they do a records and background check to verify the members aren't legally married, felons, abusers, etc.

Absolutely. thorough background check is a must.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many years ago, a couple of my single friends and I decided to sign up for "It's Just Lunch."

Biggest waste of time and money ever. None of us wound up meeting anyone even remotely worth consideration. I had one date where the guy showed up high on something, made a few hostile and critical remarks to me, then left the table and began flirting with a waitress. I threw some money down on the table and left.

When I called up the service and told them they didn't seem to be overly concerned. I'm sure they probably tried to match him with someone else.

Was that one of the services when only the guys pay? Reminds me of the stories that came out later about a bunch of speed dating services where the guys paid and the business model was all about keeping them signing up — even to the point of bringing in girls who weren’t really available. Just saying it’s probably worth understanding the fee structure of both sides to get some idea of whether you think it would draw the type you are interested in.

[Anonymous]

I used to work at a matchmaker and will be straight with you. If you are an older guy you will have your pick of women. If you are a woman it’s going to be difficult, better to spend your money which can be in the thousands getting out and about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to work at a matchmaker and will be straight with you. If you are an older guy you will have your pick of women. If you are a woman it’s going to be difficult, better to spend your money which can be in the thousands getting out and about.

Older guy says “hmmmmmm...” 🤔🤔🤔

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many years ago, a couple of my single friends and I decided to sign up for "It's Just Lunch."

Biggest waste of time and money ever. None of us wound up meeting anyone even remotely worth consideration. I had one date where the guy showed up high on something, made a few hostile and critical remarks to me, then left the table and began flirting with a waitress. I threw some money down on the table and left.

When I called up the service and told them they didn't seem to be overly concerned. I'm sure they probably tried to match him with someone else.

Was that one of the services when only the guys pay? Reminds me of the stories that came out later about a bunch of speed dating services where the guys paid and the business model was all about keeping them signing up — even to the point of bringing in girls who weren’t really available. Just saying it’s probably worth understanding the fee structure of both sides to get some idea of whether you think it would draw the type you are interested in.

No we (women) paid too. We got the most basic option available and it was still several hundreds of dollars.

We were thoroughly disgusted with the so-called service from IJL. It was a complete rip-off since they didn't even remotely think about matching based on any criteria we requested. It was like they just threw names in a hat and picked a couple of them out. Even physical attributes.

One friend was tall so she reasonably asked that men be at least 5'9" (which was still shorter than her.) IJL sent her on a date to meet a guy who was barely 5' tall and very small statured. She felt very awkward because he was a nice guy but the height/size difference was something she told service she did not want. Plus he was younger. She felt like she was on a date with a high school kid.

But I will say that we got YEARS of good laughs out of the experience after the disappointment faded. The so-called matches were THAT bad. Now that on-line dating services are more available I'd advise others to do that before dropping any dime on a service. FWIW we (women) all wound up meeting others and getting married.

It was an expensive, although somewhat humorous, lesson learned. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone though.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend who tried it and also said it was a scam.

Which makes sense, especially for women who are professionally successful and reasonably attractive looking for the same. Men who are the same and 40+ have the run of the dating market, so they don't need a service and would never sign up for one. It's the same reason there are no attractive 21 year old women on matchmaking services, they have zero problems finding dates.

Join a meetup group, hang out when men hang out and be friendly and men will approach you.

[Anonymous]

I am a divorced woman in her 40s with a successful career and considered it. I researched it thoroughly and the service isn’t for women. It’s for successful men who are (1) older (2) too busy for apps or (3) socially somewhat awkward (think engineer types), and none of the men really care what you bring to the table other than looks and a personality that boosts their egos.

[Anonymous]

I have a divorced friend who spent tens of thousands on Kelleher International (not in the DMV area- I’m not sure if they have a local office). They assured her they had many men who met her criteria, mainly, age appropriate (40-50) and a UMC professional, but the matches were not what she expected at all. They were mainly much older (60s) men. It was a complete waste of money.

[Anonymous]

"There are hundreds of attractive, kind, professionally successful and worldly single men in your area just waiting to meet" is for women what men see on porn sites that advertise to older men that "there are hundreds of young, hot, and horny girls just waiting to meet older men in your area"

tl'dr it is a scam.