Good-natured, well-behaved, polite kids

[Anonymous]

I’m convinced it’s 95% nature. Nurturing can help or harm a little, but a kid’s personality and disposition are hardwired from birth.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Is this nature or nurture?

As a parent to 5 children, I can tell you it's 90% nature 10% nurture.

Having nearly a half kids really knocks you off your high horse.

Oh, save it. I grew up in a religious community and have known tons and tons of people with 5-7 kids.

Parents of many children always say that it’s all nature, when the reality is that their homes are too chaotic for any real parenting to happen. You know you spend limited amounts of time with each of your kids, and you’re always playing triage. So yeah, I’m sure from your perspective it’s all nature! You don’t have the time or energy to pick up on behavioral/academic/whatever problems until they are major issue.

It’s 90% nature in your house because there’s little nurture.

+1. They just ignore and don’t parent and say it takes a village and dump the kids on others.

Omg so true

Oh please. I have 6 kids. 5 perfectly well behaved and one little hellion from birth (whom we love dearly - but intense and challenging).you're telling me its my parenting that made him stop napping at 3 months? Made him run around in circles for hours because of high energy levels?

My 5 easy kids are super easy to parent. I set a boundary and they listen. Maybe one time they need a reminder. They would never think of climbing over a hate, jumping off the top of a bunk bed repeatedly, trying to touch fire to see "is it really hot mommy?".

If you think the fact that your youngest won't nap has nothing to do with the fact that your house is the loudest place on earth, I've got a bridge to sell you.

Same if you think that your kid doesn't understand that "hellion" behavior is what gets attention in a house that is tied up trying to deal with four older kids. Looks like he's figured out a way to protest and differentiate himself.

What so in a house with four kids it was nice and quiet and with the fifth it suddenly because the loudest place on earth?

[Anonymous]

Man people in this board write like they’re smart but the content shows they don’t know what they’re talking about. Do a smidgen of research and you’ll see that there are all sorts of reasons for kids’ behavior and the way a parent raises them doesn’t have a lot to do with it (unless the parent is abusive or neglectful).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man people in this board write like they’re smart but the content shows they don’t know what they’re talking about. Do a smidgen of research and you’ll see that there are all sorts of reasons for kids’ behavior and the way a parent raises them doesn’t have a lot to do with it (unless the parent is abusive or neglectful).

WhT do you expect when 95 percent of responses are from know-it-all lawyers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man people in this board write like they’re smart but the content shows they don’t know what they’re talking about. Do a smidgen of research and you’ll see that there are all sorts of reasons for kids’ behavior and the way a parent raises them doesn’t have a lot to do with it (unless the parent is abusive or neglectful).

WhT do you expect when 95 percent of responses are from know-it-all lawyers

Who probably are only mentally present for their kids 4 hrs a week and now are experts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both. Without nurture, naturally good kids can do bad things. Despite tons of good nurture, some kids are simply wired for aggression or high maintenance personalities.

It's never as simple as we want it to be.

Agreed, it's definitely a mix. Short either one, and you're up salt creek.

[Anonymous]

Lazy people like to say nurture and then throw their hands up and let their kid do whatever, whenever. Easy peasy.

[Anonymous]

Nature!

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's a mix. That said, if you parent thoughtfully to your child, wherever they are at, you can achieve a "well-behaved" child. If a child feels loved and supported in their home, is getting their social and educational needs met, and has been exposed to healthy communication and emotional regulation, they are going to be pretty easy to be around most of the time (everyone has bad days or bad seasons).

I have a challenging child. She saves her most challenging behavior for me, because she knows she's always safe and supported with me. If you met her on the playground, you would describe her as polite, good-natured, and well-behaved, as would her teachers and her friend's parents. She has not been the easiest child in the world, but we've met her where she's at and given her what she needs. That's what parenting is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's definitely both. I have six and some kids naturally are excellently behaved 95 percent of the time and all they need is "Larlo" with a Look. Some other kids need a talk before we walk in about the behavior expected and a few pulls to the side with whispered instructions.

This. I have four.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lazy people like to say nurture and then throw their hands up and let their kid do whatever, whenever. Easy peasy.

Intellectually lazy people like to imagine they have a well behaved child because they are innately wonderful at parenting. A quick look at genetic research says its genetic.

[Anonymous]

In our house it is mostly medication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good-natured, well-behaved, polite kids...

...are kids who are paid attention to by their parents. So they are secure in knowing that they are important and loved.

This, but I would add by parents who set boundaries, established rules with consequences. These things are not mutually exclusive.

I agree. Rules and consequences can actually be very comforting for kids. They know what’s expected of them. It provides stability.

[Anonymous]

I think the attitude here does why the advice on the special needs board is extra thoughtful, considerate, and helpful. Nothing is more humbling than doing as much "correct" parenting as possible and still dealing with a challenging child. We realize that we can make things better (or worse), but we can't control everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a clinical psychologist but everything PP clinical psychologist said rings true. Also the question is so off base. “well behaved, polite” is all about the parents/adults. Yes my kid needs to learn empathy. Yes my kid, at degrees as DD grows, must learn that there are societal expectations DD must live with. Yes I’ll teach habits of please, thank you, and door holding but they are simple habits. I’m a very high earning female working in a field where men predominate and these just aren’t the values I think matter long term either for economic success OR keeping your soul despite everything. Years ago a preschool teacher told me my daughter was “wilful” and internally I thought “with everything women face in life, F you if you think I’m squashing that in her just to make your job easier.” All of you patting yourselves on your backs sound like that B.

Oh my word. This is so triggering. Modern parents value autonomy so much, it’s making classrooms untenable. The best teachers get dumped on year after year. It just slows the class down so much to have to reparent non compliant kids.