NYT: Forget Pancakes. Pay Mothers.

[Anonymous]

My full time job is so much easier than supervising/teaching/entertaining two kids from 8 to 6 pm, even with a spouse to help.

[Anonymous]

I don’t feel bad for this author. I see a lot of this brainwashing in the school systems with girls. My friends daughter said I never want to be a sahm mom that’s stupid. She’s goes to a typical private. The idea is college, prestige. Another friend same thing, I couldn’t depend on a man. I wanted to tell her, it’s a treat to spend time with your 3 month baby. I’m a sahm with a professional degree and yet people look down on me. I feel like a lot of our society is in this direction of equality forgetting about the kids. Nothing can be equal until we tackle childcare. I don’t want to government to pay me for my work though. I’m assumed she’s had this “realization”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kindergelt - child money. Germans are ahead of us (again). State money goes to the child. Parent’s job is ‘leave without pay’ up to two years. Mom gets two years with child. Dad gets two years. Child at four then goes to kindergarten. Everyone wins. We are toddlers compared to the rest of Western Europe.

I remember a German friend saying that she is grateful that she is privileged enough to stay home with her toddler daughter and take care of her (and the daughter was still going to Montessori pre-k 3 times a week for a couple of hrs which cost 2k per month). Another German friend said that she wants to stay home with her child for at least 2 years and that was even before she was pregnant. I think as a society, they are more accepting of mothers staying home with kids and don’t look down on SAHM as much as the Americans do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am conflicted about a payment specifically for housework and child care to women. It’s great as an idea but implementing it is not easy. Some countries provide monetary support per child, other countries subsidize maternity leaves for parents. Economists are toying with the idea of universal income. To me these would be more palatable than paying women for housework. On one hand it returns housework back squarely to women as a duty and responsibility: “You get paid to cook and wipe butts”, on the other, how amounts be decided for women who stay at home vs those who work and still do a big chunk of housework and childcare, and 2 parent households who both work, what about grandparents and others? What about stay at home childless spouses? Do they also get paid something? I think it’s more straightforward to either provide support per child or just go for the universal income.

But when one woman decides to work out of the home, some other woman IS paid to "cook and wipes butts" in her home. So why not she herself? The worst line in that article was the author saying she worked out of the house and paid others to work in her house "out of a need to feel like a full human being." In other words, she viewed the women who worked in her house as less than full human beings. What a terrible person!

She is so far into her bubble she can’t see out of it.

[Anonymous]

This is a terrible idea. Shall we start paying everyone for everything then -- for doing nice things for friends, for sitting with a dying parent, etc.? It's taking things exactly in the wrong direction, by monetizing everything. We should be de-monetizing things instead, then people wouldn't feel trapped having to labor to make some random person richer in order to get shelter and food, instead of focusing time and energy on caring for their own homes and family members and friends directly.

[Anonymous]

Families with only one working parent are already rewarded in paying lower taxes than families with two working parents.

Example 1: my brother makes around $120k/year. His wife doesn’t work. They have 3 kids. They qualify for all kids of things-student loan deduction, stimulus money, child tax credit, etc.

Example 2: DH and I make a combined income of around $250k/year. We get taxed like 1%ers. We got no stimulus money, we don’t get the child tax credit, we can’t write off our student loan interest. We won’t get a break on college, we qualify for nothing.

And yet....my brothers family objective is how to save as much as possible. They do not spend money. They only have one car. They don’t travel.

Meanwhile, we employ a full time nanny, and we use a cleaning service, we get lots of take out, we outsource laundry frequently, we travel.

From an economic/tax perspective I feel like example 1 is already being rewarded with much lower taxes. We on the other hand, are job creators and yet I feel like we’re almost punished for both of us working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t feel bad for this author. I see a lot of this brainwashing in the school systems with girls. My friends daughter said I never want to be a sahm mom that’s stupid. She’s goes to a typical private. The idea is college, prestige. Another friend same thing, I couldn’t depend on a man. I wanted to tell her, it’s a treat to spend time with your 3 month baby. I’m a sahm with a professional degree and yet people look down on me. I feel like a lot of our society is in this direction of equality forgetting about the kids. Nothing can be equal until we tackle childcare. I don’t want to government to pay me for my work though. I’m assumed she’s had this “realization”.

There’s a big difference between a SAHM with an infant/toddler vs. a SAHM with kids in school FT and no extraordinary circumstances like SN etc. I totally respect the former and scoff at the latter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kindergelt - child money. Germans are ahead of us (again). State money goes to the child. Parent’s job is ‘leave without pay’ up to two years. Mom gets two years with child. Dad gets two years. Child at four then goes to kindergarten. Everyone wins. We are toddlers compared to the rest of Western Europe.

I remember a German friend saying that she is grateful that she is privileged enough to stay home with her toddler daughter and take care of her (and the daughter was still going to Montessori pre-k 3 times a week for a couple of hrs which cost 2k per month). Another German friend said that she wants to stay home with her child for at least 2 years and that was even before she was pregnant. I think as a society, they are more accepting of mothers staying home with kids and don’t look down on SAHM as much as the Americans do.

Maybe for certain white German mothers, but they are certainly not so accepting of poorer, non-white mothers staying home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t feel bad for this author. I see a lot of this brainwashing in the school systems with girls. My friends daughter said I never want to be a sahm mom that’s stupid. She’s goes to a typical private. The idea is college, prestige. Another friend same thing, I couldn’t depend on a man. I wanted to tell her, it’s a treat to spend time with your 3 month baby. I’m a sahm with a professional degree and yet people look down on me. I feel like a lot of our society is in this direction of equality forgetting about the kids. Nothing can be equal until we tackle childcare. I don’t want to government to pay me for my work though. I’m assumed she’s had this “realization”.

There’s a big difference between a SAHM with an infant/toddler vs. a SAHM with kids in school FT and no extraordinary circumstances like SN etc. I totally respect the former and scoff at the latter.

I work and I think you sound ridiculous. Who are you to judge?

I think the newspaper article author sounds entitled and silly, but you don't sound better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t feel bad for this author. I see a lot of this brainwashing in the school systems with girls. My friends daughter said I never want to be a sahm mom that’s stupid. She’s goes to a typical private. The idea is college, prestige. Another friend same thing, I couldn’t depend on a man. I wanted to tell her, it’s a treat to spend time with your 3 month baby. I’m a sahm with a professional degree and yet people look down on me. I feel like a lot of our society is in this direction of equality forgetting about the kids. Nothing can be equal until we tackle childcare. I don’t want to government to pay me for my work though. I’m assumed she’s had this “realization”.

There’s a big difference between a SAHM with an infant/toddler vs. a SAHM with kids in school FT and no extraordinary circumstances like SN etc. I totally respect the former and scoff at the latter.

I work and I think you sound ridiculous. Who are you to judge?

I think the newspaper article author sounds entitled and silly, but you don't sound better.

I am a human being and therefore I can judge. You are free to disregard my judgment. See how that works?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t feel bad for this author. I see a lot of this brainwashing in the school systems with girls. My friends daughter said I never want to be a sahm mom that’s stupid. She’s goes to a typical private. The idea is college, prestige. Another friend same thing, I couldn’t depend on a man. I wanted to tell her, it’s a treat to spend time with your 3 month baby. I’m a sahm with a professional degree and yet people look down on me. I feel like a lot of our society is in this direction of equality forgetting about the kids. Nothing can be equal until we tackle childcare. I don’t want to government to pay me for my work though. I’m assumed she’s had this “realization”.

There’s a big difference between a SAHM with an infant/toddler vs. a SAHM with kids in school FT and no extraordinary circumstances like SN etc. I totally respect the former and scoff at the latter.

I work and I think you sound ridiculous. Who are you to judge?

I think the newspaper article author sounds entitled and silly, but you don't sound better.

I am a human being and therefore I can judge. You are free to disregard my judgment. See how that works?

Do you judge men as harshly when they retire young for example? Or is your judgment only reserved for women who make life choices you don't agree with? Or are you just judgmental for everyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kindergelt - child money. Germans are ahead of us (again). State money goes to the child. Parent’s job is ‘leave without pay’ up to two years. Mom gets two years with child. Dad gets two years. Child at four then goes to kindergarten. Everyone wins. We are toddlers compared to the rest of Western Europe.

Stop lying.


First off it’s only 204 Euros a month. Germany is way more expensive to live in than the US. By a lot. Most European women have to work because its so much more expensive to live there. Even educated women have children out of wedlock and they don’t share bank accounts with their partners. So of course they have to receive government assistance to have children and stay home. Where else would it come from?

Second, I doubt successful German men are staying home for two years with young children. The max paternity extended paternity leave salary is 1200 Euros a month!

I don’t WANT to stay home for years with young kids. I don’t want a government that tries to force me to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM (3 yo and 1 yo). I don't need to be paid. It bothers me that some people look down on me for being a SAHM, but oh well.... Money from the government wouldn't solve that.

I do feel like every woman should have the option have one child and be able to stay home with that child til age 3. It's an essential human joy that should be open to all of us. It breaks my heart that there are women out there who have to return to work and put young children in childcare because they are too poor to stay home. I would be devastated if I had to return to work and leave my babies with someone else, and I don't think any person should have to face that if it's not their own choice. So, in a sense, I guess those people should get "paid" for staying home with children. OR I think 1) housing should be affordable and 2) their partners should be able to make a living wage that supports a family.

But you do need to be paid. You have a job with a $0 salary! Get it now? Your job is considered worthless. It’s so worthless that you don’t get paid to do it. Your husband on the other hand gets paid a lot most likely to do what he does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t feel bad for this author. I see a lot of this brainwashing in the school systems with girls. My friends daughter said I never want to be a sahm mom that’s stupid. She’s goes to a typical private. The idea is college, prestige. Another friend same thing, I couldn’t depend on a man. I wanted to tell her, it’s a treat to spend time with your 3 month baby. I’m a sahm with a professional degree and yet people look down on me. I feel like a lot of our society is in this direction of equality forgetting about the kids. Nothing can be equal until we tackle childcare. I don’t want to government to pay me for my work though. I’m assumed she’s had this “realization”.

There’s a big difference between a SAHM with an infant/toddler vs. a SAHM with kids in school FT and no extraordinary circumstances like SN etc. I totally respect the former and scoff at the latter.

I disagree. I think it’s more important for school aged children to have a parent at home. Young kids are perfectly happy in daycare or with a nanny. They don’t even remember the time. Young babies spend most of the day sleeping. It’s when kids are older that decisions and upbringing actually matters. Most moms aren’t staying home for the benefits of young kids. They are staying home because of hormones.

[Anonymous]

People should not be paid for their lifestyle choices. Parenting is a chosen responsibility not a job.