Tell me about your worst playdate stories

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS 10 got invited for 3-day beach weekend. That week lice had run through classroom. Everyone did their best to eradicate lice, of course. I got a call from my ds on friday evening. He was sitting on the porch of his friend's house; they had left him behind b/c they found lice on him. They were long gone. OK - i went and picked him up. Did the whole lice treatment thing all over again. Saturday they rang "would DS like to join us now?" Uh Certainly -drove down I-95 met them half-way. The mom gave DS a lice check while i waited. Ok - great - clean bill of health. DS got in their car and they drove off. I drove back home. As soon as i walked in the door, phone rang - "your son has lice. you must come get him. We will not allow him into our beach house" He was in SOUTH CAROLINA.

It's been years but i feel my neck getting hot as I type this. I say "can you take him to a hair dresser who will do a lice treatment? NO - they would not let him into the house.

Misery. Sheer misery. I am so glad that lice-in-classroom phase is past.

OMG!!!

What did you say when you picked him up in South Carolina? Did you tell the other parent what a horrible, rude person she is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New-mom friend(?) who I had just been introduced to at preschool, invited me to her house so our children could play. After I arrived the Mom left the house w/out any real explanation but as she was heading out the door said I should make myself feel at home and help myself to anything in the kitchen. Left me to socialize with the nanny (generally non-English speaking) who wasn't any help for an explanation.

LOL I wonder if this was me? Occasionally some SAHMs from my preschool ask to do playdates with my child. I always explain I work full-time (most days at home but sometimes in office), but they never seem to understand that means I'll be upstairs in my office working or will have to go into my office for meetings during the day. Like, NEVER. This has happened 3-4 times to me over the years. I don't want to make anyone sad, but I can't hang out and drink wine "on the clock" at work (no matter how desperately I'd like to!). I work after the kids are asleep most nights and I can't take down time during the day without it cutting into family time later!

What? Did you not explain to the moms that you won't be there, but the nanny would? I also WAH, and when I make playdates with SAHM-- especially for preschoolers--I make sure to plan it on a day that I won't be working or on a weekend. I assumed that all working moms did this? I think it is really awkward to schedule a playdate between your nanny and another mom. At age 3, the playdates are not just about the kids getting along, but connecting with other parents.

Yes. As per bolded I always explain if it's during the workday I can't be around. They have insisted that's no big deal, a couple have even bonded with our nanny (who's young and awesome and fun to be around) but a couple have only requested to come over during the week once and then switched to weekends/evenings. My take was that they didn't think I was serious that I have to work during the day.

I have three kids so you don't need to instruct me on what playdates are about A good playdate is of course as much about the caregivers/parents getting along as the kids (and the best have booze, but hey...) -- no reason caregivers and parents can't become friends unless you're classist.

You sound very rude and socially awkward.

But hey, at least now you know that people find your playdate situation awkward and strange. The more you know

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New-mom friend(?) who I had just been introduced to at preschool, invited me to her house so our children could play. After I arrived the Mom left the house w/out any real explanation but as she was heading out the door said I should make myself feel at home and help myself to anything in the kitchen. Left me to socialize with the nanny (generally non-English speaking) who wasn't any help for an explanation.

LOL I wonder if this was me? Occasionally some SAHMs from my preschool ask to do playdates with my child. I always explain I work full-time (most days at home but sometimes in office), but they never seem to understand that means I'll be upstairs in my office working or will have to go into my office for meetings during the day. Like, NEVER. This has happened 3-4 times to me over the years. I don't want to make anyone sad, but I can't hang out and drink wine "on the clock" at work (no matter how desperately I'd like to!). I work after the kids are asleep most nights and I can't take down time during the day without it cutting into family time later!

What? Did you not explain to the moms that you won't be there, but the nanny would? I also WAH, and when I make playdates with SAHM-- especially for preschoolers--I make sure to plan it on a day that I won't be working or on a weekend. I assumed that all working moms did this? I think it is really awkward to schedule a playdate between your nanny and another mom. At age 3, the playdates are not just about the kids getting along, but connecting with other parents.

Yes. As per bolded I always explain if it's during the workday I can't be around. They have insisted that's no big deal, a couple have even bonded with our nanny (who's young and awesome and fun to be around) but a couple have only requested to come over during the week once and then switched to weekends/evenings. My take was that they didn't think I was serious that I have to work during the day.

I have three kids so you don't need to instruct me on what playdates are about A good playdate is of course as much about the caregivers/parents getting along as the kids (and the best have booze, but hey...) -- no reason caregivers and parents can't become friends unless you're classist.

No, that is not an explanation. That is a statement about the total number of hours you work per week. I work full time, but that does not mean that I work from 8-5; I don't. Clearly you aren't explaining it as they "like, NEVER" understand. Why don't you just say, I will have to be upstairs working during that whole time. THAT would explain it. Instead you have repeatedly put people in awkward positions without ever acknowledging that your lack of communication could have caused the problem.

Not to pile on, but I'm mystified why, if you say "we would love to see Clara at 10 am to play with Stella, but just so you know I will be working in my office and our nanny Susan will be there to supervise the children and looks forward to getting to know you if you are going to stay while the girls stay."

Why is that not said, and how is that unclear

Yeah I think you're doing it wrong. For example, if you say something like: "A playdate? Well, I work full time but you are welcome to bring little Jimmy over on Thursday" I would find that ambiguous -- you work full time but you're inviting us over with no other qualifiers so maybe you're taking the morning off to make special time for us? Or maybe you'd have a caretaker there to watch the kids, but since you didn't mention them, I wouldn't be sure.

If you said instead, "A playdate? I work full time so I can say hi when you arrive but then my nanny will be there to take over" I would understand exactly. I mean, I'm a SAHM but I'm also a lawyer with an ivy league degree -- I'm not stupid. If I tried this once at your house and then didn't reschedule to do it again, it's not because I'm too dumb to understand you. It's because I'm game to try new things, but I'm not so desperate for activities that I'll agree to repeat a dull one over and over. Maybe your nanny and I didn't click, or maybe now that I've seen the kids play together one on one or talked to your nanny for a while there are some things I wanted to talk to you directly about.

Pro tip: SAHMs can actually understand you when you use your words to speak to us, EVEN THOUGH YOU WORK FULL TIME.

Exactly. I find the smug condescension, accusing people of being classist because they don't want to be invited on a playdate and then get foisted off on someone they don't know, a bit over the top.

I work from home as well, and I can't imagine a situation where I literally don't have a single hour to spare. Like, do you not have a lunch hour? Are you running a sweatshop out of your house? What the hell is going on? It's kind of amusing, the level of self-importance and "Deal with it!" attitude this woman has towards other parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:**Let me preface this by saying I nursed both my boys until they were 1, and they didn't love covers and I did nurse in public but tries to walk a line between comfort and being disscreet.

I went to a new friends home for a play date with our 3 year olds and her 2 year old. I knew she was a little hippie crunchy and really liked her from our interactions at preschool.
She answered the door with a men's shirt on, unbuttoned to her navel, and as soon as I was in there she undid the whole thing so it was casually open in front, with full view of both large boobs, so her 2 year old could walk up whenever he wanted and have a drink.
So we sat at her kitchen table drinking coffee while she had both boobs out and would occasionally have to lean over when she felt her son tug and want a drink.
I fought a furious battle in my head trying to be open and nonjudgmental that I ultimately lost after futily trying to look anywhere, anywhere else but at her chest. It was like Jesus himself was beckoning me to look, I literally could not *not* see them, like they were following me or a weird Mona Lisa type thing.
I was so exhausted from the effort to not think it was weird and be normal that I had to take a Tylenol and go to bed.

I just laughed so hard at this that I got a "wtf" look from my puppy. I nursed mine until 2 1/2 and I can't imagine doing that, in front of a new friend at that. Thanks for the laugh, PP!

That IS funny. I also nursed both my kids past age 2, but most of the nursing past age 18 months happened at home w/o visitors!
It reminds me of my own odd playdate with a new friend....we had grabbed cold coffees and were at a nearby park, and she kept alternating between nursing her two year old (not discreetly) and giving the toddler her own iced hemp milk mocha cappuchino. I kept wondering *what* are you doing? Are you seriously giving a toddler breast milk, hemp milk, and caffeine all the same time ? She was actually a neurologist turned sahm so it wasn't lack of smarts....it was just odd!

Yeah, that is kind of crazy. I would think it wouldn't be good for the kids development- and on a more short term level, that it would be no fun to be around a caffeinated toddler! Yikes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had the neighborhood boy (6 then) over to play with DD (4.5). THey were best friends and played often together along with my older DD and boy's older sister.
Mom came to pick him up. Several hours later I noticed younger DD"s fish tank was empty. Call boy and mother over. We searched the house. Boy kept quiet and played dump when asked where the fish was.

Finally found the fish in a Dixie cup behind bedroom door.

It was dead.

Needless to say, he didn't come over and play unsupervised after that.

Future sociopath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New-mom friend(?) who I had just been introduced to at preschool, invited me to her house so our children could play. After I arrived the Mom left the house w/out any real explanation but as she was heading out the door said I should make myself feel at home and help myself to anything in the kitchen. Left me to socialize with the nanny (generally non-English speaking) who wasn't any help for an explanation.

LOL I wonder if this was me? Occasionally some SAHMs from my preschool ask to do playdates with my child. I always explain I work full-time (most days at home but sometimes in office), but they never seem to understand that means I'll be upstairs in my office working or will have to go into my office for meetings during the day. Like, NEVER. This has happened 3-4 times to me over the years. I don't want to make anyone sad, but I can't hang out and drink wine "on the clock" at work (no matter how desperately I'd like to!). I work after the kids are asleep most nights and I can't take down time during the day without it cutting into family time later!

What? Did you not explain to the moms that you won't be there, but the nanny would? I also WAH, and when I make playdates with SAHM-- especially for preschoolers--I make sure to plan it on a day that I won't be working or on a weekend. I assumed that all working moms did this? I think it is really awkward to schedule a playdate between your nanny and another mom. At age 3, the playdates are not just about the kids getting along, but connecting with other parents.

Seriously! That would be so odd. This seems like the height of rudeness for a preschool play date. I too work at home, but that doesn't mean that I can't ever take a break. I would absolutely never ever invite over a preschool playdate (which are often more about the parents than anything) in this situation without explaining very clearly that I wouldn't be available. In fact, I would probably suggest that it be a dropoff and let the nanny take care of both kids. Never would I make the mom hang out with the nanny the whole time.

If you have time for DCUM you should have time to hangout at a play date....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New-mom friend(?) who I had just been introduced to at preschool, invited me to her house so our children could play. After I arrived the Mom left the house w/out any real explanation but as she was heading out the door said I should make myself feel at home and help myself to anything in the kitchen. Left me to socialize with the nanny (generally non-English speaking) who wasn't any help for an explanation.

LOL I wonder if this was me? Occasionally some SAHMs from my preschool ask to do playdates with my child. I always explain I work full-time (most days at home but sometimes in office), but they never seem to understand that means I'll be upstairs in my office working or will have to go into my office for meetings during the day. Like, NEVER. This has happened 3-4 times to me over the years. I don't want to make anyone sad, but I can't hang out and drink wine "on the clock" at work (no matter how desperately I'd like to!). I work after the kids are asleep most nights and I can't take down time during the day without it cutting into family time later!

What? Did you not explain to the moms that you won't be there, but the nanny would? I also WAH, and when I make playdates with SAHM-- especially for preschoolers--I make sure to plan it on a day that I won't be working or on a weekend. I assumed that all working moms did this? I think it is really awkward to schedule a playdate between your nanny and another mom. At age 3, the playdates are not just about the kids getting along, but connecting with other parents.

Seriously! That would be so odd. This seems like the height of rudeness for a preschool play date. I too work at home, but that doesn't mean that I can't ever take a break. I would absolutely never ever invite over a preschool playdate (which are often more about the parents than anything) in this situation without explaining very clearly that I wouldn't be available. In fact, I would probably suggest that it be a dropoff and let the nanny take care of both kids. Never would I make the mom hang out with the nanny the whole time.

If you have time for DCUM you should have time to hangout at a play date....

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New-mom friend(?) who I had just been introduced to at preschool, invited me to her house so our children could play. After I arrived the Mom left the house w/out any real explanation but as she was heading out the door said I should make myself feel at home and help myself to anything in the kitchen. Left me to socialize with the nanny (generally non-English speaking) who wasn't any help for an explanation.

LOL I wonder if this was me? Occasionally some SAHMs from my preschool ask to do playdates with my child. I always explain I work full-time (most days at home but sometimes in office), but they never seem to understand that means I'll be upstairs in my office working or will have to go into my office for meetings during the day. Like, NEVER. This has happened 3-4 times to me over the years. I don't want to make anyone sad, but I can't hang out and drink wine "on the clock" at work (no matter how desperately I'd like to!). I work after the kids are asleep most nights and I can't take down time during the day without it cutting into family time later!

What? Did you not explain to the moms that you won't be there, but the nanny would? I also WAH, and when I make playdates with SAHM-- especially for preschoolers--I make sure to plan it on a day that I won't be working or on a weekend. I assumed that all working moms did this? I think it is really awkward to schedule a playdate between your nanny and another mom. At age 3, the playdates are not just about the kids getting along, but connecting with other parents.

Seriously! That would be so odd. This seems like the height of rudeness for a preschool play date. I too work at home, but that doesn't mean that I can't ever take a break. I would absolutely never ever invite over a preschool playdate (which are often more about the parents than anything) in this situation without explaining very clearly that I wouldn't be available. In fact, I would probably suggest that it be a dropoff and let the nanny take care of both kids. Never would I make the mom hang out with the nanny the whole time.

If you have time for DCUM you should have time to hangout at a play date....

+1

NP. You may think so, but not necessarily. I check DCUM several times throughout the day, but when I'm busy, tabs stay open for me to read and respond later. I don't want to count how many times I've responded to something only to realize that the conversation has already moved on hours before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New-mom friend(?) who I had just been introduced to at preschool, invited me to her house so our children could play. After I arrived the Mom left the house w/out any real explanation but as she was heading out the door said I should make myself feel at home and help myself to anything in the kitchen. Left me to socialize with the nanny (generally non-English speaking) who wasn't any help for an explanation.

That's hilarious. I feel like this is something that would happen to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New-mom friend(?) who I had just been introduced to at preschool, invited me to her house so our children could play. After I arrived the Mom left the house w/out any real explanation but as she was heading out the door said I should make myself feel at home and help myself to anything in the kitchen. Left me to socialize with the nanny (generally non-English speaking) who wasn't any help for an explanation.

LOL I wonder if this was me? Occasionally some SAHMs from my preschool ask to do playdates with my child. I always explain I work full-time (most days at home but sometimes in office), but they never seem to understand that means I'll be upstairs in my office working or will have to go into my office for meetings during the day. Like, NEVER. This has happened 3-4 times to me over the years. I don't want to make anyone sad, but I can't hang out and drink wine "on the clock" at work (no matter how desperately I'd like to!). I work after the kids are asleep most nights and I can't take down time during the day without it cutting into family time later!

What? Did you not explain to the moms that you won't be there, but the nanny would? I also WAH, and when I make playdates with SAHM-- especially for preschoolers--I make sure to plan it on a day that I won't be working or on a weekend. I assumed that all working moms did this? I think it is really awkward to schedule a playdate between your nanny and another mom. At age 3, the playdates are not just about the kids getting along, but connecting with other parents.

Seriously! That would be so odd. This seems like the height of rudeness for a preschool play date. I too work at home, but that doesn't mean that I can't ever take a break. I would absolutely never ever invite over a preschool playdate (which are often more about the parents than anything) in this situation without explaining very clearly that I wouldn't be available. In fact, I would probably suggest that it be a dropoff and let the nanny take care of both kids. Never would I make the mom hang out with the nanny the whole time.

If you have time for DCUM you should have time to hangout at a play date....

+1

NP. You may think so, but not necessarily. I check DCUM several times throughout the day, but when I'm busy, tabs stay open for me to read and respond later. I don't want to count how many times I've responded to something only to realize that the conversation has already moved on hours before.

Well, this is not the same as the other poster, who responded several times. And then she claims to be too busy for a quick playdate? Please. It does not add up, especially when she was as attentive to this thread as she was...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New-mom friend(?) who I had just been introduced to at preschool, invited me to her house so our children could play. After I arrived the Mom left the house w/out any real explanation but as she was heading out the door said I should make myself feel at home and help myself to anything in the kitchen. Left me to socialize with the nanny (generally non-English speaking) who wasn't any help for an explanation.

LOL I wonder if this was me? Occasionally some SAHMs from my preschool ask to do playdates with my child. I always explain I work full-time (most days at home but sometimes in office), but they never seem to understand that means I'll be upstairs in my office working or will have to go into my office for meetings during the day. Like, NEVER. This has happened 3-4 times to me over the years. I don't want to make anyone sad, but I can't hang out and drink wine "on the clock" at work (no matter how desperately I'd like to!). I work after the kids are asleep most nights and I can't take down time during the day without it cutting into family time later!

What? Did you not explain to the moms that you won't be there, but the nanny would? I also WAH, and when I make playdates with SAHM-- especially for preschoolers--I make sure to plan it on a day that I won't be working or on a weekend. I assumed that all working moms did this? I think it is really awkward to schedule a playdate between your nanny and another mom. At age 3, the playdates are not just about the kids getting along, but connecting with other parents.

Seriously! That would be so odd. This seems like the height of rudeness for a preschool play date. I too work at home, but that doesn't mean that I can't ever take a break. I would absolutely never ever invite over a preschool playdate (which are often more about the parents than anything) in this situation without explaining very clearly that I wouldn't be available. In fact, I would probably suggest that it be a dropoff and let the nanny take care of both kids. Never would I make the mom hang out with the nanny the whole time.

If you have time for DCUM you should have time to hangout at a play date....

+1

NP. You may think so, but not necessarily. I check DCUM several times throughout the day, but when I'm busy, tabs stay open for me to read and respond later. I don't want to count how many times I've responded to something only to realize that the conversation has already moved on hours before.

Well, this is not the same as the other poster, who responded several times. And then she claims to be too busy for a quick playdate? Please. It does not add up, especially when she was as attentive to this thread as she was...

Why the hell would she join in a play date in the middle of the workday when she is paying her nanny to watch her kid so she can, wait for it, WORK. This is the dumbest argument ever. You're ruining a good thread.

-NP

[Anonymous]

^Why the hell would you invite someone over for a playdate and then foist them on your nanny?

That's like inviting someone to a dinner party and then telling them to hang out with the catering staff. Bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A mom who was becoming my good friend and whose son played really well with mine, invited us for a play date at a kids museum. She had her 1.5 yo daughter with her as well.
Not only did she run around making her mom follow her and basically leaving me to supervise the two boys (which was ok but not fun), but also it turned out she didn't have her diaper on, mom proceeded to change her wet pants right on a museum couch, explaining it was too hot for a diaper....
Oh and mom threw the wet pants into the stroller storage bin, no bag or anything, and there was some stuff I put there earlier (with her permission of course). Gross!
We are still good friends but I made a note to self: only home and outdoor play dates from now on! No museums and such.

The no diaper thing is odd, but running around and needing supervision is what 1.5 year olds do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had the neighborhood boy (6 then) over to play with DD (4.5). THey were best friends and played often together along with my older DD and boy's older sister.
Mom came to pick him up. Several hours later I noticed younger DD"s fish tank was empty. Call boy and mother over. We searched the house. Boy kept quiet and played dump when asked where the fish was.

Finally found the fish in a Dixie cup behind bedroom door.

It was dead.

Needless to say, he didn't come over and play unsupervised after that.

When my sister was about that age she and her friend would always do awful things when they got together -- pour ice and water all around the kitchen, behead all the flowers in the garden, spread peanut butter on the walls, you name it. This was the 80s so maybe supervision was lax (this all happened at the friend's house). Anyway, after 4 or 5 episodes, the parents mutually decided they were not a good fit and they saw each other at school but not on playdates. Now that I think about it maybe it was my parents doing the deciding, but they presented it as mutual at the time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A mom who was becoming my good friend and whose son played really well with mine, invited us for a play date at a kids museum. She had her 1.5 yo daughter with her as well.
Not only did she run around making her mom follow her and basically leaving me to supervise the two boys (which was ok but not fun), but also it turned out she didn't have her diaper on, mom proceeded to change her wet pants right on a museum couch, explaining it was too hot for a diaper....
Oh and mom threw the wet pants into the stroller storage bin, no bag or anything, and there was some stuff I put there earlier (with her permission of course). Gross!
We are still good friends but I made a note to self: only home and outdoor play dates from now on! No museums and such.

The no diaper thing is odd, but running around and needing supervision is what 1.5 year olds do!

I somehow forgot about it ))))))