Schools with a kind culture

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Answering for our school, NPS, which we chose in large part due to the culture of kindness in the school and community:

Anonymous wrote:I am just weighing in as a school counselor who has worked at several area schools. I think that while some schools may attract more down to earth families with solid values, a few mean girls or boys can wreck the culture of a grade at any school. I think the question to ask isn't which school is inherently kind, but how does the administration deal with bullying or social exclusivity? I honestly don't know because we haven't witnessed or heard of any bullying. Is there a counseling program, and if so, do the counselors and/or psychologists have a curriculum they follow? Yes Do they go into the classrooms? Yes Do they also have teachers back up their message by reinforcing it through classroom activities? Yes. The Core Values are Love, Respect, Honesty, Responsbility and Safety. Every day, the teachers and administrators reinforce those values and recognize the ways in which the students are living them. How do the phys ed teachers and coaches build rapport between athletic and non-athletic boys? Are there groups for kids struggling socially? Most (if not all?) kids participate in "friendship groups" run by the school counselors. Does the headmaster impose consequences for unkind behavior? I'm not sure about consequences for unkind behavior, but there is definitely recognition in chapel and school-wide assemblies for kind behavior. Are there evening activities to educate parents about social emotional development among the kids, and to talk about cyber bullying and other concerns? Yes. In other words, this is a very loose question unless you ask for some real data.

Our Private would not do any of the above, so we had to leave. I did talk to the teacher; admin. and finally DH and I went to visit the principal. We said if the situation had not improved within a year we were out of there. He didn't care. Teachers didn't care. I made some suggestions like lunch buddies programs that other privates were doing. No one did anything, so we left. Very sad when a few bad apples spoil everything else. And I'm not an anti-NCS'r or whatever you call them, but it IS preposterous as someone said that only 2 or 3 keep coming back and posting anti-NCS stuff. This column is a request to find a "kind" school. NCS is not that, so PP is right, move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am just weighing in as a school counselor who has worked at several area schools. I think that while some schools may attract more down to earth families with solid values, a few mean girls or boys can wreck the culture of a grade at any school. I think the question to ask isn't which school is inherently kind, but how does the administration deal with bullying or social exclusivity? Is there a counseling program, and if so, do the counselors and/or psychologists have a curriculum they follow? Do they go into the classrooms? Do they also have teachers back up their message by reinforcing it through classroom activities? How do the phys ed teachers and coaches build rapport between athletic and non-athletic boys? Are there groups for kids struggling socially? Does the headmaster impose consequences for unkind behavior? Are there evening activities to educate parents about social emotional development among the kids, and to talk about cyber bullying and other concerns? In other words, this is a very loose question unless you ask for some real data.

Very wise words

I think the main issue that does not seem to get a lot of attention is that many of the problems of the social exclusivity is coming from parents of certain children. Parents that have a reputation of being exclusive will continue this behavior on the next level of school. If schools want a kind culture, they need to consider the families they are admitting as well as the children. There are families that do not socialize and mix with certain families and obviously this causes a divide. Schools make a choice by admitting families that act in this way. If they really want to make changes, they need to carefully consider who they are admitting to their school and ask themselves - will this family as a whole contribute positively to creating a kind and inclusive culture?

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anony

Very wise words

I think the main issue that does not seem to get a lot of attention is that many of the problems of the social exclusivity is coming from parents of certain children. Parents that have a reputation of being exclusive will continue this behavior on the next level of school. If schools want a kind culture, they need to consider the families they are admitting as well as the children. There are families that do not socialize and mix with certain families and obviously this causes a divide. Schools make a choice by admitting families that act in this way. If they really want to make changes, they need to carefully consider who they are admitting to their school and ask themselves - will this family as a whole contribute positively to creating a kind and inclusive culture?

I'm not sure how you would determine this. Parents are trying to look their best during the application process, and you can't really generalize about rich/important/___________ people all being exclusive or obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

I would agree with the above post. So many times, it's not the kids necessarily, it's the parents. But, it's very difficult to see this culture until you are 'in it'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would you all suggest for schools in No.Va. with the same charateristically kind student body?

New School of Northern VA in Fairfax

[Anonymous]

What you are looking for is a school where parents will not go to extreme lengths to get their children admitted ... one that flies a bit below the radar and is less discussed on DCUM. It is the extreme competitiveness that brings out the less kind aspects of human behavior and this outlook is most definitely passed along to kids by their parents via modeled behaviors, actions, and attitudes. There are kind children and families at ALL schools, but the pervasive culture of a school can drown out those pockets of kindness and influence pack/mob behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would agree with the above post. So many times, it's not the kids necessarily, it's the parents. But, it's very difficult to see this culture until you are 'in it'.

I agree with this. Schools do know though which parents have a reputation of exclusivity by the time they are applying to 4th or 6th grade however they want good outplacement numbers so they may not reveal that a family is not a good fit for a school. If a school wants a kind culture they need to really take a stand and admit families that truly support a kind culture.

[Anonymous]

Yes, our child is at a low-flying K-8 that is sometimes panned on DCUM by a particular poster so I won't mention the name. But the whole point of the school is kindness-- the kids are kind to each other and the adults in the school building model that with each other and with the kids. The sports are no-cut (that right there tells you about the school's values). If you want a school where kindness is the most important thing then forget the big names and go to the smaller schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would you all suggest for schools in No.Va. with the same charateristically kind student body?

New School of Northern VA in Fairfax

Burgundy, but it's only pre-k-8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you are looking for is a school where parents will not go to extreme lengths to get their children admitted ... one that flies a bit below the radar and is less discussed on DCUM. It is the extreme competitiveness that brings out the less kind aspects of human behavior and this outlook is most definitely passed along to kids by their parents via modeled behaviors, actions, and attitudes. There are kind children and families at ALL schools, but the pervasive culture of a school can drown out those pockets of kindness and influence pack/mob behavior.

I think this is a very astute observation, and I had never thought about in quite these terms.

[Anonymous]

Holton?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would agree with the above post. So many times, it's not the kids necessarily, it's the parents. But, it's very difficult to see this culture until you are 'in it'.

I agree with this so much. Parents really set the social tone - especially in lower grades and middle school. Some families have a social agenda and really promote it by only socializing with certain children and families. They really create a wedge by actively excluding children and families and it carries over into school life. The only way to create a kind culture is to not admit families that they know will not promote their ideals of kindness. I think schools should look at the entire family, as the family impacts the school culture more than one child.

[Anonymous]

Where is GDS in this discussion?