Well, church was a nightmare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't go to church much so I guess I am part of the problem (although my DH goes regularly) but I like the crowds on Easter. I find the normal very lightly attended services kind of depressing and prefer to be in a church filled with people. The singing is more joyful, people are happy to be there, lots of people have extended family visiting. I like the sounds of children on Easter - it's part of the scene for me (even though my children are teens/college age). Yes we crowded 5 people into a pew for 4 but really it was for an hour so we survived.

Well, I am the OP and this was not my experience. NO ONE was singing. We were one of about two couples in our entire section who sang anything. People didn't hold hands during the Lord's Prayer. They didn't say the creed. And they certainly didn't sing. I'm glad this was your experience, and if it had been mine I might have felt better about being unable to move, hear much of the mass, or breath in the stifling heat. It was hard for me; my preschooler lost it in the end because the crowds/heat/noise just got to be too much. And we were crowding more than one extra person in a pew. This is what I'm not sure many here are understanding. I am not exaggerating when I say that we literally had hundreds of people past the fire code limit packed in. Sitting in aisles, on stairs, packed shoulder to shoulder in every available standing room only space. Sitting on the altar, on the sides of the altar, etc etc etc. If they had all been joyously singing and happy, that would've been one thing. But many of them just sat there looking bored.

I've been at packed holiday Masses like this too. Was this Holy Trinity, by any chance? I know exactly what you mean. And sometimes, you're so packed, hemmed in at the back of the church, cannot see anything, cannot move, etc., it's just hard to get much out of it.

Yes. And I love HT, but I'm ready to bail on it for Easter.

I thought it sounded like HT. Yes, I think you'd be better served by doing holiday Masses (such as Christmas and Easter) at other, "lesser-known" parishes. I think you may get more out of the experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, sometimes what we see is exactly what we want to see.

Take some time and try to see the joy and blessing of having so many drop into Mass this one day.

If even one person is brought back to Jesus that day, then isn't a little heat and crowding worth it?

I am not the OP, but sure, it was "worth it" and I am sure she thinks it was "worth it," too, but we are all responsible for trying to get something out of the Mass experience ourselves, too, and all she is saying is that she thinks she has to take proactive measures to try to make it more workable for herself. Whether that is going at a different time, a different parish, etc. I don't find fault with that. She's not just complaining and then saying, "I'm not going to go to Mass anymore." She's saying, "This wasn't a good fit, at least this particular time. Where can I go next time so make sure I get some spiritual sustenance out of this?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, sometimes what we see is exactly what we want to see.

Take some time and try to see the joy and blessing of having so many drop into Mass this one day.

If even one person is brought back to Jesus that day, then isn't a little heat and crowding worth it?

I am not the OP, but sure, it was "worth it" and I am sure she thinks it was "worth it," too, but we are all responsible for trying to get something out of the Mass experience ourselves, too, and all she is saying is that she thinks she has to take proactive measures to try to make it more workable for herself. Whether that is going at a different time, a different parish, etc. I don't find fault with that. She's not just complaining and then saying, "I'm not going to go to Mass anymore." She's saying, "This wasn't a good fit, at least this particular time. Where can I go next time so make sure I get some spiritual sustenance out of this?"

Thank you. Exactly. Glad lots of people are going and hoping they get/got something out of it. But I just didn't. And it makes me sad and yes, frustrated to say that about my own church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, sometimes what we see is exactly what we want to see.

Take some time and try to see the joy and blessing of having so many drop into Mass this one day.

If even one person is brought back to Jesus that day, then isn't a little heat and crowding worth it?

I am not the OP, but sure, it was "worth it" and I am sure she thinks it was "worth it," too, but we are all responsible for trying to get something out of the Mass experience ourselves, too, and all she is saying is that she thinks she has to take proactive measures to try to make it more workable for herself. Whether that is going at a different time, a different parish, etc. I don't find fault with that. She's not just complaining and then saying, "I'm not going to go to Mass anymore." She's saying, "This wasn't a good fit, at least this particular time. Where can I go next time so make sure I get some spiritual sustenance out of this?"

Thank you. Exactly. Glad lots of people are going and hoping they get/got something out of it. But I just didn't. And it makes me sad and yes, frustrated to say that about my own church.

I hear ya. Unfortunately, HT's just such a "big name" amongst DC parishes that it is likely to be super crowded on Easter, Christmas, etc. I hope you find someplace that works better for you! I don't know the Wash. Archdiocese very well but I am familiar with St. Peter's on the Hill (House side of the Hill). http://saintpetersdc.org/ Have you ever tried that? That could be a potential place to try? Or, the church on the Senate side: http://www.st-josephs.org/

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, sometimes what we see is exactly what we want to see.

Take some time and try to see the joy and blessing of having so many drop into Mass this one day.

If even one person is brought back to Jesus that day, then isn't a little heat and crowding worth it?

I am not the OP, but sure, it was "worth it" and I am sure she thinks it was "worth it," too, but we are all responsible for trying to get something out of the Mass experience ourselves, too, and all she is saying is that she thinks she has to take proactive measures to try to make it more workable for herself. Whether that is going at a different time, a different parish, etc. I don't find fault with that. She's not just complaining and then saying, "I'm not going to go to Mass anymore." She's saying, "This wasn't a good fit, at least this particular time. Where can I go next time so make sure I get some spiritual sustenance out of this?"

Thank you. Exactly. Glad lots of people are going and hoping they get/got something out of it. But I just didn't. And it makes me sad and yes, frustrated to say that about my own church.

I hear ya. Unfortunately, HT's just such a "big name" amongst DC parishes that it is likely to be super crowded on Easter, Christmas, etc. I hope you find someplace that works better for you! I don't know the Wash. Archdiocese very well but I am familiar with St. Peter's on the Hill (House side of the Hill). http://saintpetersdc.org/ Have you ever tried that? That could be a potential place to try? Or, the church on the Senate side: http://www.st-josephs.org/

Good luck!

Thanks. We know folks who go to St. Peter's and had the exact same experience. It's a lovely church, but also a zoo on the major holidays. Thanks for the suggestion though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, sometimes what we see is exactly what we want to see.

Take some time and try to see the joy and blessing of having so many drop into Mass this one day.

If even one person is brought back to Jesus that day, then isn't a little heat and crowding worth it?

I am not the OP, but sure, it was "worth it" and I am sure she thinks it was "worth it," too, but we are all responsible for trying to get something out of the Mass experience ourselves, too, and all she is saying is that she thinks she has to take proactive measures to try to make it more workable for herself. Whether that is going at a different time, a different parish, etc. I don't find fault with that. She's not just complaining and then saying, "I'm not going to go to Mass anymore." She's saying, "This wasn't a good fit, at least this particular time. Where can I go next time so make sure I get some spiritual sustenance out of this?"

Thank you. Exactly. Glad lots of people are going and hoping they get/got something out of it. But I just didn't. And it makes me sad and yes, frustrated to say that about my own church.

I hear ya. Unfortunately, HT's just such a "big name" amongst DC parishes that it is likely to be super crowded on Easter, Christmas, etc. I hope you find someplace that works better for you! I don't know the Wash. Archdiocese very well but I am familiar with St. Peter's on the Hill (House side of the Hill). http://saintpetersdc.org/ Have you ever tried that? That could be a potential place to try? Or, the church on the Senate side: http://www.st-josephs.org/

Good luck!

Thanks. We know folks who go to St. Peter's and had the exact same experience. It's a lovely church, but also a zoo on the major holidays. Thanks for the suggestion though.

Oh! Ok, that sounds like a bust then. Rats. Well, sure hope you find a place you like better! Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP should have stayed home. I'll bet her brat ruined the service for the other worshippers nearby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP should have stayed home. I'll bet her brat ruined the service for the other worshippers nearby.

Oh yeah, my kid was the only one who had a melt down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP should have stayed home. I'll bet her brat ruined the service for the other worshippers nearby.

Probably!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP should have stayed home. I'll bet her brat ruined the service for the other worshippers nearby.

Probably!

Not the OP, but are you and the other PP the same people on here professing your welcoming nature of people at church? I bet you are. Ironic, huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP should have stayed home. I'll bet her brat ruined the service for the other worshippers nearby.

Probably!

Not the OP, but are you and the other PP the same people on here professing your welcoming nature of people at church? I bet you are. Ironic, huh?

I'm the PP who said I feel like an interloper. This is the kind of attitude I'm talking about! I go to church sporadically, I will admit it - but when I do go, even on non-holidays, no one says "hi, welcome! By the way, most people with toddlers sit in the annex" or "good morning! may we join you?" or anything, i mean ANYTHING to make it less awkward. Why must people be so cold? I worry that it's something about me - like I look grouchy or scary or something - and my DH has admitted to me that he feels the same.

[Anonymous]

We just don't go to the "family Mass". We've always found other services were far less crowded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP should have stayed home. I'll bet her brat ruined the service for the other worshippers nearby.

Probably!

Not the OP, but are you and the other PP the same people on here professing your welcoming nature of people at church? I bet you are. Ironic, huh?

I'm the PP who said I feel like an interloper. This is the kind of attitude I'm talking about! I go to church sporadically, I will admit it - but when I do go, even on non-holidays, no one says "hi, welcome! By the way, most people with toddlers sit in the annex" or "good morning! may we join you?" or anything, i mean ANYTHING to make it less awkward. Why must people be so cold? I worry that it's something about me - like I look grouchy or scary or something - and my DH has admitted to me that he feels the same.

I am the OP. I hear you. Before we had children we always went out of our way to engage the couples with LO's. We knew we would be them one day and the people muttering and rolling their eyes don't help. It is hard to be in church with a child. Even the best child will act up; an hour or more is a very long time for a child to sit still and be quiet in the best of circumstances and parents do try very hard to keep them in line. It's a tension - do I take my child and risk bothering people or stay home and be derelict in bringing them up in the church as I vowed to do? We choose to go and make the best of it (although we may be rethinking this on the major holidays until he's older and can deal with the crowds.) I'm very sorry that you don't feel welcome wherever you are going. Have you tried introducing yourselves to those around you? I've found that people will reciprocate if you initiate. Perhaps it's hard for you to do the initiating? I've been that person too, and it's hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just don't go to the "family Mass". We've always found other services were far less crowded.

Which church? At my church they are ALL (over)crowded on the holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP should have stayed home. I'll bet her brat ruined the service for the other worshippers nearby.

Probably!

Not the OP, but are you and the other PP the same people on here professing your welcoming nature of people at church? I bet you are. Ironic, huh?

I'm the PP who said I feel like an interloper. This is the kind of attitude I'm talking about! I go to church sporadically, I will admit it - but when I do go, even on non-holidays, no one says "hi, welcome! By the way, most people with toddlers sit in the annex" or "good morning! may we join you?" or anything, i mean ANYTHING to make it less awkward. Why must people be so cold? I worry that it's something about me - like I look grouchy or scary or something - and my DH has admitted to me that he feels the same.

We're long time members of our NW DC Episcopal Church, which is populated by many people who would describe themselves as "comfortable." Well, one day we became parents of our dear sweet son who is a handful. We asked the minister who focuses on children whether we were becoming too disruptive and perhaps should go to the kiddy service or just take a break for a few months.

She laughed and encouraged us to continue coming because (like most parents, apparently) we were not nearly as noisy/busy as we thought and that as long as we kept coming, the other parents would feel more comfortable because their kids weren't nearly as bad as ours. That's us - setting the bar low for families across the parish!