Tell me about being poor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20:40 - ugh. Could you be more condescending?
- Sidwell grad

Ugh, maybe you should look up condescending in the dictionary, Sidwell grad, it'll be next to your picture.

PP I was responding to was bragging anonymously that her kid is going to Sidwell, wearing things from - GASP - Walmart! When I went there, no one cared about that kind of thing, at all. But that's why I won't send my kids there, and neither will any of my high school friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up poor in DC. My parents chose to have a large family, live on one income, and to have that income be from creative work. So. Yeah. We had less money than anyone we knew who wasn't receiving assistance. Mom and Dad brought a lot of competence, creativity and energy to making a good life without a lot of money, and mostly we had an enviable childhood.

Do you shop at WalMart? No. There weren't any and my mom would have avoided them, because they're depressing. Most things were from the thrift store, yard sales, etc., filled in with sale stuff from Sears and the department stores. They also garbage-picked within reason - a cool lamp or a bike that needed a few repairs. My mom had an acute and sophisticated sense of quality and avoided buying crap whenever possible. Better used or go without than junk. She made thrifting an education and an adventure. I still thrift for fun.

Do you eat fast food all the time? Ha! Maybe once or twice a year, as a treat when traveling. There was occasionally Chinese or pizza later on, when Dad earned a little more. My mom grew up with no cooking skills but became a highly competent, self-taught whole foods cook. They raised a large organic garden and bought bulk foods from Glut co-op. It did always bother my mom that they bought industrially-raised meat.

How big is your home? Four bedrooms, one bath, 9 people, on a double lot. It was condemned; they paid cash and slowly rebuilt it. It's beautiful now, but most of that happened after I left. This was the single most important decision they made - without this house, we would have been in a depressing, too-small, low-rent apartment somewhere, and would not have had gas money for adventures or any extras at all. We heated with wood and the kids had chamber pots because it was just too cold to go downstairs and pee in the middle of winter - the worst part of the whole experience, and I was so jealous when they finally put in an upstairs bathroom (after I left). There was a sensual dimension to the woodstove and the contrasts in temperature that I still miss sometimes - still like the sensation of breathing cold air while snuggled up in blankets. Not having AC on the worst hot days really, really sucked, though.

What do you DO on weekends? The capital DO makes this question especially sad. Has it never occurred to you, OP, that not knowing what to do with yourself as a free person in this great big beautiful world is some of the worst poverty there is? We had friends and family over all the time, did most of the free activities in DC and the region. We had a huge yard with a swingset and one of those cheap standup pools, and were allowed to really use most of it - dig holes, build with bricks and wood. Rode our used bikes all over the neighborhood and explored the woods, parks and campuses nearby. Learned to forage for mushrooms and berries. We each had a little garden. There was a ton of creative play - my mom thrifted wonderful dressup stuff and did our makeup. On rainy days we made stuff out of cardboard boxes, played games, learned to cook, did handwork. We had lots of good basic toys - blocks and art supplies, basic musical instruments, science equipment. Read and listened to music constantly - the library was really important. We did watch TV and movies, but it was mostly a last resort. We eventually got a used computer, did basic programming and had one video game. We were almost never bored and usually having a lot of fun.

Where do you go on vacations? To visit family. Large extended family, so this included places in the country and occasionally going to the beach. From those places, we did day trips to NYC and other cities.

Do you have very few clothes? Shoes? Clothing was a struggle. It's a lot easier to thrift fashionable kids' clothes now, but at the time, textile manufacturing was still in the process of leaving the country, so kids clothes weren't cheap and abundant the way they are now. I didn't need or want a ton, but I always had just a little less than I really needed to look decent in public school. When we finally went to Catholic school, uniforms were a gift, but I still had poor-kid shoes. As a teenager, I really struggled, both because I couldn't afford what everyone else was wearing, and because I thought those clothes were boring and ugly anyway. The Limited Shaker deep-V sweaters, Guess jeans and Mia flats - shudder. I hated them but I wanted them, too, because there were so many ways I already didn't fit in at my private school. The 80s pretty much sucked for nonconformists who weren't punk. Grunge hadn't happened yet, and there was none of this Pinterest love for creativity in fashion. Gradually I got more confident about wearing vintage clothes and combining what I liked, but there was also a lot of fuck you up in there.

If you're too poor to go out, what do you do to get together with friends? Have an awesome time at our own goddamned dinner table, like most of Italy. Duh.

Do you have any friends who are well off? Yes, especially in high school. We also had extended family who were very wealthy. It wasn't an issue, but I avoided people who were clueless or insensitive.

What do you do for fun? This is the third iteration of this question, so you get a new answer: make fun of rich kids who think they're better because their parents had/made money.

What do you think is the qualifier that makes a person poor? Really worrying about the basic necessities of life.

Do your kids know you're poor? We did.

What do they do after school? We came home to Mom. Played. Read. Some of us did sports in middle and high school. I worked for scholarship and spending money beginning at 14.

Do they get teased in school? Yes, we did. The subtler stuff in high school was worse - few things infuriate me more than someone who grew up with unearned privilege and doesn't realize that that's the only difference. Especially when they're boring and kind of dumb. Oooh, I hate that shit. One of the few traits I genuinely dislike. Early on I was humiliated by this attitude, but by the end of high school I could see what my family had that a lot of these kids didn't, and I was proud and protective.

The big scary issue was health care. Health insurance options for the self-employed have always sucked and are even worse in DC. The family was nearly bankrupted by one major injury, and my parents only had health insurance intermittently. My mom went without needed dental care for a while, and she died earlier this year because her cancer wasn't caught in time, when it was highly curable. My parents never asked for a handout and took care of their health, and if you want a punch in the face, complain about the Affordable Care Act and explain to me that it's OK for 47 million people to be left out of the private system. I am a huge supporter of single-payer healthcare.

The upside is that very few financial issues scare me. I can live on very little and not feel deprived. My husband, in contrast, came from a family that had some severe downturns and didn't know how to handle them. It took him years to be open to thrifting, which was a cause of great shame growing up. His parents couldn't cook and he still gags at the the thought of gubmit cheese. They lived in the suburbs and it was all about keeping up appearances. Those parts of his childhood sound so miserable to me, but they were probably in better shape financially than my family ever was.

I really, really like your answer. My upbringing was similar.

[Anonymous]

PP, did you respond earlier? Which post? If not, would you consider it? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Hey, you shallow twit - if you want to know about being poor, why don't you go volunteer at a homeless shelter, an inner-city after school program, a food bank, or a women's crisis center? What an asinine bitch you are for even posting this. Why don't you tell me what it's like to be a vapid entitled moron?

[Anonymous]

We have a family of 4 on 70K. Because the two kids are in daycare, I'd say we are poor as defined by not being able to provide basic needs without using a credit card.

Do you shop at WalMart? Not usually, but sometimes. For things like kids clothing, I get it usually in lots from craigslist or off our neighborhood listserv. Toys are almost exclusively free from neighborhood listserv. I'm constantly scanning for things and it actually takes a bit of time and effort. We just got a free kids' bike from a neighbor.

Do you eat fast food all the time?
Almost never. It's really expensive. We eat lots of beans and rice (from dried) and grow vegetables. We grow a ton and then pack our freezer, which usually gets us through January/early February. We buy extremely inexpensive but nutritious food. Sweet potatoes, for example, and use coupons and sales to treat ourselves.

How big is your home? 750 sq ft.

What do you DO on weekends? Go play at the park, meet up with friends, just hang out at the house, get errands done. My husband works on Sundays so our only day together is Saturdays.

Where do you go on vacations? Heh, we don't. We will visit our parents by driving there, and I guess that counts.


Do you have very few clothes? Shoes? Actually, we have plenty of clothes and shoes, but they are all very basic. Our clothes are based on what we buy off craigslist for the boys, so they have some nice clothes that way. My husband and I mostly shop at thrift stores with occasional Old Navy sales (I just got a pair of shoes there for $7). If you look up a "wardrobe basics" I bet we have 3/4 of it covered.


If you're too poor to go out, what do you do to get together with friends? Cook dinner and have them over, go to dinner at their house. Meet them at the park and let the kids run around while we drink iced tea (we make iced tea every week). Go to a museum together, or some other kind of event happening (concert in the park or something).

Do you have any friends who are well off? Yes several and it's a bit awkward.

What do you do for fun? Mostly things involving our kids. Lots of park time. We like to visit the Arboretum. We just finished really enjoying watching the Olympics!


What do you think is the qualifier that makes a person poor? When you are very very careful with your money but still don't have enough to cover your basics.


Do your kids know you're poor? No, I don't think so but they are both really young.

What do they do after school? They go home with me and we take a walk before getting dinner ready.

Do they get teased in school? Too young, and no. They are delightful.

[Anonymous]

Why are people continuing to feed this bitch with your personal stories? What is wrong with you people?

[Anonymous]

I grew up working poor, and I felt like I had to "come out" as such during grad school at GW in a race, class, and gender class.

Do you shop at WalMart? There wasn't one when I grew up. My mom made most of our clothes, and let us pick out the patterns.

Do you eat fast food all the time? never. We never ate processed food either. I didn't have white bread until college, only wheat. We ate a lot of sandwiches, and scrambled eggs, or casseroles.

How big is your home? The house I grew up in was 2 bedroom, then three bedroom for 3 kids. We always shared, until I turned the basement into a bedroom for myself.

What do you DO on weekends? We played outside. Apparently this is now called free range??

Where do you go on vacations? Does driving an hour to grandparents count? Once in a while we'd go to Chicago or Milwaukee.

Do you have very few clothes? Shoes? In Jr High it was trendy to borrow your friends clothing, so I did that a lot.

If you're too poor to go out, what do you do to get together with friends? I used to babysit and I had a job in high school to keep up with my classmates - their parents just thought I was really responsible

Do you have any friends who are well off? lots of them were. I spent time at friends' beach houses, etc


What do you think is the qualifier that makes a person poor? When we were little we received WIC and discounted lunches at school. My parents didn't have college degrees (but both got them while I was in elementary school).

Do your kids know you're poor? I think I got that we had less money than my friends' families.

What do they do after school? I was in every club and sport - I was pretty popular, despite having no money. Probs because I figured out how to fit in so no one would notice.

Do they get teased in school? Not really.

Now I'm a grown up with a house in DC, a graduate degree and a great job. But I"m always surprised when people find it odd that I know about class-jumping.