Tell me about being poor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You responders make me very sad.

Why? I was happier then than I am now, and I have a lot more money now!

Seriously! I grew up in a relatively poor household and now am a doctor married to a doctor. All my siblings are physicians as well. By no means are any of us happier now. We were just talking about this when we were last all together.
As children we shopped at Walmart, bought ALL our clothing at Goodwill, never ate out aside from a Chinese place my parents liked, saw maybe one movie per year, never took vacations aside from day trips to the beach and an occasional week of camping, etc And yet, I had an amazing childhood--- we read tons of books, played outside constantly, spent summers at the public pool, gardened, watched silly cartoons, went to church, had lots of friends over for simple dinners,etc. It was a fantastic childhood.

[Anonymous]

unquoting the response:

My family has been lucky to always be well off, and this is one of those things I could never ever bring up with anyone I know, but am secretly fascinated by poor people and wonder about so many aspects of their lives.

grew up in another country, came here and we were dirt poor for a few years, min wage jobs living paycheck to paycheck. now I am well off and enjoy upper middle class lifestyle and live below our means.

Do you shop at WalMart? no, I shopped at thrift stores like good will and salvation army.
Do you eat fast food all the time? could not afford to pay for chain fast food, so bought cheapo frozen foods and brought lunch with me every day to my min wage job.
How big is your home? 1 bedr apartment 600sq.ft, 2 adults after family split, before it was 800sq ft 2 bedr 1 bath for 4 adults.
What do you DO on weekends? I only had one day off, worked on Sat at another job. Often I had to do homework as I was also in school. When I had truly free time I'd just go outside and enjoy outdoors.
Where do you go on vacations? no vacations
Do you have very few clothes? Shoes? yes, very few, usually 2 pairs of shoes, I had boots and wore them on every occasion and weather
If you're too poor to go out, what do you do to get together with friends? Walked and took PT, kissing outside on the park bench when I had a boyfriend. no money to go out for drinks or afford other frivolities and no cars.
Do you have any friends who are well off? not at that point, but a lot now as I am also well off.
What do you do for fun? i loved walking around with my walkman, taking buses to random locations in the city, traveling on the cheap. I also watched TV and read.
What do you think is the qualifier that makes a person poor? Living hand to mouth and worrying about not making rent next month, not saving anything for the rainy day as it all goes to bills, feeling desperate and afraid to be homeless, hating your job and being treated like crap.
Do your kids know you're poor? my kid is growing up enjoying upper middle class lifestyle, he is a toddler and too young for life lessons.
What do they do after school?
Do they get teased in school?

I always watch movies about really poor people and this whole lifestyle just fascinates me. yes, I can tell.

[Anonymous]

in third grade I would ride the bus home alone from school and let myself in and wait for my mom to come home so we could have spahghetti or that nasty tuna casserole crap
I got permission to get a job early 14 and have been working ever since (38) somethimes 3 jobs thru college. Worked thru law school and my llm. Now I am negative. Was better when I was just poor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My answer is kind of weird because though we weren't poor growing up, my mom was (and is) a fool with her money and it got us into the type of situations I imagine poor people get in a lot. Like one time, I remember I came home from school (maybe 9th grade) and the power was off. I called my mom at work and she said she must have forgotten to pay the bill. But she came home that day with a brand new outfit + new shoes because she was going on a date that night. And she never wanted to spend the $30 to get her oil changed, so two years after she bought her car, the engine literally blew up on the side of the road and we had car issues ever after.

My dad had plenty of money, but my sister and I were really prideful and never let him know this stuff, so he had no idea. My mom was working and getting $1000 a month from my dad in child support (in the 90s) and I believe, for a short time, alimony from her second husband whom she divorced. There was NO reason for us to not have power or to have the check she wrote to school for our yearbooks bounce. She just wasn't and never has been responsible with money.

So- we were not poor. My mom had the money, she just didn't spend it on the right shit. So we lived like poor people. Everyone at school was convinced we were rich because my sister and I were raised with really good manners, got great grades, and wore nice clothes. We came from a nice family; nobody had any suspicions that my mom was blowing all our money partying all the time and we would maybe have hot dogs for dinner one night. No buns, just hot dogs. But to this day, I believe I have the mindset of a poor person. I CANNOT put more than $15 of gas in my car at a time. Drives my DH crazy, he just fills up when the tank gets low. But I can't help but think, "What if something happens and I need the $45 and it's just sitting in my car in the form of gas?" It mentally pains me to think of pouring $60 at once into my car. Can't do it.

It doesn't matter how much money we have in our account, I'm convinced we can't afford stuff. We can. I know because sometimes DH will insist we can do something I swore we couldn't afford and lo and behold, we are fine. (FWIW, he makes six figures. WE are not poor, even now.) We drive two nice cars, but there is never a time- and I do mean never- when I get in any car and don't worry about it breaking down. Because it happened so many times in my mom's POS that she then handed down to me, so it broke down on me too. Just stuff like that that I'm sure it would never occur to people who didn't have these issues growing up to worry about.

I can relate to the bolded.
I didn't grow up poor, but spent a few years on assistance after I had DC (during which time I divorced his good-for-nothing father). I make decent money now, not anywhere near DCUM standards, but enough to provide for DC and myself, and I still get that cold clench in my stomach when I have to pay for something with my debit card. I no longer have to worry about which utility bill to pay and which to put off or having to scrounge for change to put enough gas in the car to get to work. I HATED that feeling.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP. Being poor "of the soul" is a hell of a lot worse than being poor "of the pocket"!

[Anonymous]

My parents had just a 2 bed apartment in a 9 story high rise building and had 2 kids there.
It was not exactly city ghetto living, but not that far from it. Dad was an engineer who had lots of student loans to pay, mom stayed home.
When I was young we had vacations in Greece, my parents toured Europe. Somehow they would find the money to do that, but our lives were very different.
I did not have many clothes. Tried desperately to learn to sow, but was not successful.
Yes, I was constantly teased. My brothers old clothes did not fit me properly, my mom had made me one outfit where she ran out of the right colored wool and the end result was hilarious.
Eventually dad paid off his student loans and we moved to a real 3 bedroomed condo and mom had another kid. Somehow they got another sense of unending youth and descided to emigrate to an african country. We were poor there as well, but life was definitely completely different and interesting and I am grateful for that chance. Coming back to home country was such a shock. Took a long time to adjust.
Dad eventually became an alcoholic and lost his condo. Periods on unemployment did not help. I had absolutely nothing when I finished high school, but still managed to get into a community college and get some education.
We had wealthier relatives, sometimes my parents knew someone wealthy who we visited. I do not have wealthy friends, but know some through work.
I live now in an OK neighborhood, but miss my life in the lower-middle-class suburbs. Nobody there was trying to be pretentious or keep up appearances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My answer is kind of weird because though we weren't poor growing up, my mom was (and is) a fool with her money and it got us into the type of situations I imagine poor people get in a lot. Like one time, I remember I came home from school (maybe 9th grade) and the power was off. I called my mom at work and she said she must have forgotten to pay the bill. But she came home that day with a brand new outfit + new shoes because she was going on a date that night. And she never wanted to spend the $30 to get her oil changed, so two years after she bought her car, the engine literally blew up on the side of the road and we had car issues ever after.

My dad had plenty of money, but my sister and I were really prideful and never let him know this stuff, so he had no idea. My mom was working and getting $1000 a month from my dad in child support (in the 90s) and I believe, for a short time, alimony from her second husband whom she divorced. There was NO reason for us to not have power or to have the check she wrote to school for our yearbooks bounce. She just wasn't and never has been responsible with money.

So- we were not poor. My mom had the money, she just didn't spend it on the right shit. So we lived like poor people. Everyone at school was convinced we were rich because my sister and I were raised with really good manners, got great grades, and wore nice clothes. We came from a nice family; nobody had any suspicions that my mom was blowing all our money partying all the time and we would maybe have hot dogs for dinner one night. No buns, just hot dogs. But to this day, I believe I have the mindset of a poor person. I CANNOT put more than $15 of gas in my car at a time. Drives my DH crazy, he just fills up when the tank gets low. But I can't help but think, "What if something happens and I need the $45 and it's just sitting in my car in the form of gas?" It mentally pains me to think of pouring $60 at once into my car. Can't do it.

It doesn't matter how much money we have in our account, I'm convinced we can't afford stuff. We can. I know because sometimes DH will insist we can do something I swore we couldn't afford and lo and behold, we are fine. (FWIW, he makes six figures. WE are not poor, even now.) We drive two nice cars, but there is never a time- and I do mean never- when I get in any car and don't worry about it breaking down. Because it happened so many times in my mom's POS that she then handed down to me, so it broke down on me too. Just stuff like that that I'm sure it would never occur to people who didn't have these issues growing up to worry about.

This is PTSD. Please get therapy.

My mother grew up in a refugee camp in Eastern Europe after WW II. She has similar problems. She will buy clothes but cannot wear them, buy food and stockpile it. She wears old clothes instead. It is PTSD. People who grew up in extreme deprivation have a very hard time. Please get some therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My answer is kind of weird because though we weren't poor growing up, my mom was (and is) a fool with her money and it got us into the type of situations I imagine poor people get in a lot. Like one time, I remember I came home from school (maybe 9th grade) and the power was off. I called my mom at work and she said she must have forgotten to pay the bill. But she came home that day with a brand new outfit + new shoes because she was going on a date that night. And she never wanted to spend the $30 to get her oil changed, so two years after she bought her car, the engine literally blew up on the side of the road and we had car issues ever after.

My dad had plenty of money, but my sister and I were really prideful and never let him know this stuff, so he had no idea. My mom was working and getting $1000 a month from my dad in child support (in the 90s) and I believe, for a short time, alimony from her second husband whom she divorced. There was NO reason for us to not have power or to have the check she wrote to school for our yearbooks bounce. She just wasn't and never has been responsible with money.

So- we were not poor. My mom had the money, she just didn't spend it on the right shit. So we lived like poor people. Everyone at school was convinced we were rich because my sister and I were raised with really good manners, got great grades, and wore nice clothes. We came from a nice family; nobody had any suspicions that my mom was blowing all our money partying all the time and we would maybe have hot dogs for dinner one night. No buns, just hot dogs. But to this day, I believe I have the mindset of a poor person. I CANNOT put more than $15 of gas in my car at a time. Drives my DH crazy, he just fills up when the tank gets low. But I can't help but think, "What if something happens and I need the $45 and it's just sitting in my car in the form of gas?" It mentally pains me to think of pouring $60 at once into my car. Can't do it.

It doesn't matter how much money we have in our account, I'm convinced we can't afford stuff. We can. I know because sometimes DH will insist we can do something I swore we couldn't afford and lo and behold, we are fine. (FWIW, he makes six figures. WE are not poor, even now.) We drive two nice cars, but there is never a time- and I do mean never- when I get in any car and don't worry about it breaking down. Because it happened so many times in my mom's POS that she then handed down to me, so it broke down on me too. Just stuff like that that I'm sure it would never occur to people who didn't have these issues growing up to worry about.

This is PTSD. Please get therapy.

My mother grew up in a refugee camp in Eastern Europe after WW II. She has similar problems. She will buy clothes but cannot wear them, buy food and stockpile it. She wears old clothes instead. It is PTSD. People who grew up in extreme deprivation have a very hard time. Please get some therapy.

I appreciate the concern, but I don't think I grew up in the kind of extreme deprivation that your mother did. Not to say I might not need therapy for various things, but I don't want to give the impression I grew up in post-WWII type straits.

[Anonymous]

Are you fascinated enough to help? There are many poor families right in our backyards who would welcome a hand up rather than a handout. Put your curiousity to good use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My answer is kind of weird because though we weren't poor growing up, my mom was (and is) a fool with her money and it got us into the type of situations I imagine poor people get in a lot. Like one time, I remember I came home from school (maybe 9th grade) and the power was off. I called my mom at work and she said she must have forgotten to pay the bill. But she came home that day with a brand new outfit + new shoes because she was going on a date that night. And she never wanted to spend the $30 to get her oil changed, so two years after she bought her car, the engine literally blew up on the side of the road and we had car issues ever after.

My dad had plenty of money, but my sister and I were really prideful and never let him know this stuff, so he had no idea. My mom was working and getting $1000 a month from my dad in child support (in the 90s) and I believe, for a short time, alimony from her second husband whom she divorced. There was NO reason for us to not have power or to have the check she wrote to school for our yearbooks bounce. She just wasn't and never has been responsible with money.

So- we were not poor. My mom had the money, she just didn't spend it on the right shit. So we lived like poor people. Everyone at school was convinced we were rich because my sister and I were raised with really good manners, got great grades, and wore nice clothes. We came from a nice family; nobody had any suspicions that my mom was blowing all our money partying all the time and we would maybe have hot dogs for dinner one night. No buns, just hot dogs. But to this day, I believe I have the mindset of a poor person. I CANNOT put more than $15 of gas in my car at a time. Drives my DH crazy, he just fills up when the tank gets low. But I can't help but think, "What if something happens and I need the $45 and it's just sitting in my car in the form of gas?" It mentally pains me to think of pouring $60 at once into my car. Can't do it.

It doesn't matter how much money we have in our account, I'm convinced we can't afford stuff. We can. I know because sometimes DH will insist we can do something I swore we couldn't afford and lo and behold, we are fine. (FWIW, he makes six figures. WE are not poor, even now.) We drive two nice cars, but there is never a time- and I do mean never- when I get in any car and don't worry about it breaking down. Because it happened so many times in my mom's POS that she then handed down to me, so it broke down on me too. Just stuff like that that I'm sure it would never occur to people who didn't have these issues growing up to worry about.

This is PTSD. Please get therapy.

My mother grew up in a refugee camp in Eastern Europe after WW II. She has similar problems. She will buy clothes but cannot wear them, buy food and stockpile it. She wears old clothes instead. It is PTSD. People who grew up in extreme deprivation have a very hard time. Please get some therapy.

I appreciate the concern, but I don't think I grew up in the kind of extreme deprivation that your mother did. Not to say I might not need therapy for various things, but I don't want to give the impression I grew up in post-WWII type straits.

I don't think she meant to make that comparison directly, just to say that these behaviors are evidence of trauma. I have PTSD from my childhood, and the things you describe about not being able to rely on your mother to provide are exactly the problem: you had to be on high alert because you never knew what you were going to be dealing with. You are still on hyper-alert but it's interfering with your ability to relax and enjoy your life: you should be able to get into a car and trust that it will work or spend money that you can actually afford. Instead, your intrusive fears and high activation are making your life more difficult (4 trips to the gas station instead of one and thinking about it all the time).

As my therapist often needs to remind me: you don't need to have had it the absolute worst to have still had it bad and be deserving of sympathy and care!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you fascinated enough to help? There are many poor families right in our backyards who would welcome a hand up rather than a handout. Put your curiousity to good use.

We donate quite a bit. There is no way to explain my fascination without sounding horrible and I apologize for that. Remember in Sociology 101 when you learned about people who lived differently from you? Amish, Eskimos, etc.? That's how I view the poor.

This was quite educational. The media is forever saying it's poor people shopping at WalMart and eating fast food. Yet almost none of the responders do either. So who the hell is purchasing those products?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you fascinated enough to help? There are many poor families right in our backyards who would welcome a hand up rather than a handout. Put your curiousity to good use.

We donate quite a bit. There is no way to explain my fascination without sounding horrible and I apologize for that. Remember in Sociology 101 when you learned about people who lived differently from you? Amish, Eskimos, etc.? That's how I view the poor.

This was quite educational. The media is forever saying it's poor people shopping at WalMart and eating fast food. Yet almost none of the responders do either. So who the hell is purchasing those products?

Tons of people shop at WalMart but they just don't want to admit it.
I stop at WalMart 4-5 times a year to stock up on deodorant, razor blades, Tide, Downy, Swiffer refills, household cleaners, q-tips, Listerine, sunscreen, band-aids, soap and the list goes on and on. I don't buy clothes or furniture there but they have the lowest prices on everyday items such as paper towels and toilet paper. On the last trip I did buy DD a package of white cotton ankle socks (gasp!!) to wear to camp... adding insult to injury, she will wear them to Sidwell in the fall.
WalMart is like pornography, they sure do sell a lot of it considering no one says they're buying it!!

[Anonymous]

20:40 - ugh. Could you be more condescending?
- Sidwell grad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20:40 - ugh. Could you be more condescending?
- Sidwell grad

Sure, I could try... but at least I admit to shopping at WalMart. I guess you get organic cleaning products flown in on the wings of angels.

[Anonymous]

The people shopping at Walmart and eating fast food are probably not the poorest or the poor, they at least have $ to spend, I'm pretty sure if you are truly poor you would forgo the q-tips so you can buy food
I have family that is poor, they get a lot of food from a church near them (they wont accept it form us) and they get their clothes at the salvation army
One thing I have noticed is that they do NOT drink water, ever. Which confuses me since it's almost free, but the entire family will only drink soda