Something I don't understand about criticism of big families

[Anonymous]

Oh sweetie you've doomed yourself. Just wait!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm amazed at the prevalence of negative experiences among posters from large families. I was the oldest of 4 and never once felt like I wasn't a child anymore, or like I was raising my siblings. And my mom was a single mom for a couple of years too. I did "babysit" the younger ones a couple of times when I was 11 or 12 when my mom started dating again. But other than that my childhood was filled with playing, bickering, etc with all my siblings together. We always had enough kids for backyard sports and imaginary games. We all had chores and responsibilities to help run the house, but nothing onerous. I loved having lots of siblings, although maybe 4 kids isn't that large a family compared to some posters here. My husband is one of 5 and also liked his big family. We feel like we have a small family with only 3 kids!

Haven't read much, eh?

[Anonymous]

I came from a big family. Too many kids in a short time and my mom was drinking. I ended up in charge way too often. With only 2 hands, there's no way a mom of lots of kids isn't going to be taking advantage of the extra hand available in her older kids. Just isn't feasible - believe it all you want so you can justify how great a mom of many kids you are but don't be surprised if your oldest ones complain sometime in the future!

[Anonymous]

I have one child and one trend i have noticed w her friends who have big families is that the parents are always running all over the place on the weekends or after school and as a general rule NEVER pick their kids up on time and feel like its okto leave their kid at our house much over the pick up time bc they are juggling w the other kIds. Im ok w this once in awhile but it gets old fast.

[Anonymous]

Can't help but feel some of these stories are exaggerated. I know large families where there was lots of love and small ones where there was abuse and neglect. This isn't about small/large families. The stories here are about bad parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't help but feel some of these stories are exaggerated. I know large families where there was lots of love and small ones where there was abuse and neglect. This isn't about small/large families. The stories here are about bad parenting.

My husband just has one much older brother who was left in charge of him from after school until his parents came home at dinner when his brother was 10. His brother just turned the tv on and left my husband home alone...when he was 5! Or he would beat him up or not let him eat. His parents still say his older brother was a great babysitter. And they routinely forgot to pick him up from after school activities, and even when they remembered, they were very late--he was always the last one. They were very focused on their careers.

So I agree--it's not family size, it's the parents. Two income households, single parent households--they often ask a lot of their kids, out of necessity. A different necessity than parents of many children, but with the same result.

[Anonymous]

My mom was a working parent and I literally had to help babysit my brother all summer so I could never do fun things like hang out at the pool with my friends because I was always tethered to our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was a working parent and I literally had to help babysit my brother all summer so I could never do fun things like hang out at the pool with my friends because I was always tethered to our house.

Awww poor baby....I'm sure your life was ruined. I was babysitting by 12 and working full time each summer by 16---and my paycheck went to my mom to pay for groceries. Life isn't all roses and video games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't help but feel some of these stories are exaggerated. I know large families where there was lots of love and small ones where there was abuse and neglect. This isn't about small/large families. The stories here are about bad parenting.

Completely agree. Awful parents are awful parents, no matter how many or how few kids they have.

Also, regarding having enough time for your kids, a mom of 5 who is there at 3:30 when the kids get off school is going to have way more time with her kids than a mom of 2 who works until 7:00 and puts her kids to be by 8:00. It's like comparing apples to oranges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You DID bring it on yourself!!! I really don't have any sympathy for anyone who has 4+ kids and can't seem to get a handle on them or their life. And all this bullshit about "being open to children" is getting on my last nerve. For most of human history, most children did not survive childhood. But now that we are all living into our 70's and 80's having that many children is just plain selfish.

I will give you the evil eye if you and your brood are in my way or your children are ill behaved and you are not doing a thing about it.

Something tells me when you are old and broke and wanting to draw social security and can't because the baby boomer generation sucked it dry by not saving and refusing to die and refusing to let their parents die at natural ages and staying alive way too long at tax payer expense...THEN I suspect you'll suddenly (much too late) see the wisdom behind having many children. You see, unlike the person you quoted, and the OP, you will have no one to care for you in your old age. Your children, should you maintain any type of relationship with them, will put you in the cheapest raisin ranch medicaid will pay for so as not to eat up their inheritance. OP will have 10 kids to rotate between, and in all likelihood will live a longer healthier life since there have been studies indicating people with more children tend to do so. Fewer children being born into the next generation also means fewer workers for the next generation...fewer doctors, nurses, CNA's, housekeepers, cooks....fewer of the kind of people you will depend on as you age. Think about it.

Nope. I'm 30 with two lovely DCs. But unlike OP and people with many children, we will be able to afford college for our two. We will be able to travel internationally with them (and will because we have family overseas), they will be able to participate in activities outside of school because we will have the ability to pay for them. Our older DC helps take care of our younger DC as much as a 4yo can and they have a great relationship. They will grow up having experienced a childhood free from the burden of raising their younger siblings. They have older cousins who they are very close to and who care for them. I will do everything in my power to make sure that my two have a great relationship with us as well as each other so get off your high horse, you know nothing about me.

Honey, you're 30 and your oldest child is 4. You have a LOT of living and growing up to do. A lot! Things are perfect now, but just wait a few years. Just wait.

Hmmmm. . .going from calling me an old hag to a doe eyed, innocent young 'un. Which is it? I'm pretty sure I'm more worldly than you so you can shove it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't help but feel some of these stories are exaggerated. I know large families where there was lots of love and small ones where there was abuse and neglect. This isn't about small/large families. The stories here are about bad parenting.

I think though, that parents with lots of kids are pulled in more directions and have the option of having older siblings help, whereas parents of 2-3 young kids don't have this option which can be a good thing when siblings aren't mature enough. My grandparents were dealing with problem teens while they were still having babies in the house and everyone was negatively affected. They weren't bad parents, but there is only so much time and energy. And it was sad that my grandma had grandkids the same age as her kids - definitely makes that relationship less special. I was much closer to my maternal grandmother who had raised all her kids by the time she started having grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't help but feel some of these stories are exaggerated. I know large families where there was lots of love and small ones where there was abuse and neglect. This isn't about small/large families. The stories here are about bad parenting.

I think though, that parents with lots of kids are pulled in more directions and have the option of having older siblings help, whereas parents of 2-3 young kids don't have this option which can be a good thing when siblings aren't mature enough. My grandparents were dealing with problem teens while they were still having babies in the house and everyone was negatively affected. They weren't bad parents, but there is only so much time and energy. And it was sad that my grandma had grandkids the same age as her kids - definitely makes that relationship less special. I was much closer to my maternal grandmother who had raised all her kids by the time she started having grandkids.

I don't know if this is necessarily true. I've seen a new wave of Moms who are second time around'ers. They have older children (10+) and then for whatever reason, new marriage or just want a baby in the house, they have a child later in life. So, the dynamics can still be the same. A small family doesn't have to mean that the children are close in age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom was a working parent and I literally had to help babysit my brother all summer so I could never do fun things like hang out at the pool with my friends because I was always tethered to our house.

Awww poor baby....I'm sure your life was ruined. I was babysitting by 12 and working full time each summer by 16---and my paycheck went to my mom to pay for groceries. Life isn't all roses and video games.[/quote]

It isn't, but b/c your childhood was taken from you, look at how bitter you are.

And you're condemning someone who was in your shoes?

bitter
bitter
bitter

[Anonymous]

OP, because childhood is for play, not work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't help but feel some of these stories are exaggerated. I know large families where there was lots of love and small ones where there was abuse and neglect. This isn't about small/large families. The stories here are about bad parenting.

I think though, that parents with lots of kids are pulled in more directions and have the option of having older siblings help, whereas parents of 2-3 young kids don't have this option which can be a good thing when siblings aren't mature enough. My grandparents were dealing with problem teens while they were still having babies in the house and everyone was negatively affected. They weren't bad parents, but there is only so much time and energy. And it was sad that my grandma had grandkids the same age as her kids - definitely makes that relationship less special. I was much closer to my maternal grandmother who had raised all her kids by the time she started having grandkids.

I don't know if this is necessarily true. I've seen a new wave of Moms who are second time around'ers. They have older children (10+) and then for whatever reason, new marriage or just want a baby in the house, they have a child later in life. So, the dynamics can still be the same. A small family doesn't have to mean that the children are close in age.

Then they probably have more time for each child individually. Also sounds like these kids are planned, at least the later ones, which is different from the "God's will" mentality being discussed where no bc is used.