SAHM’s who used to work - what salary did you leave behind?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just left my biglaw job to stay at home. I was making $560k. My husband makes much more than I do and we have a lot of savings, so it wasn’t a big deal financially, but I still have a lot of angst about it. I actually love(d) my job, and it makes me sad that it will be very difficult to find a path back.

Do you take any steps to protect yourself financially, like a postnup? How do you get comfortable that you're not saving in your own name anymore, for example, no more 401k contributions, and possibly, no more control over how future income is saved and invested because you don't have a paycheck? Asking because I'm hung up on these issues and still working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just left my biglaw job to stay at home. I was making $560k. My husband makes much more than I do and we have a lot of savings, so it wasn’t a big deal financially, but I still have a lot of angst about it. I actually love(d) my job, and it makes me sad that it will be very difficult to find a path back.

Do you take any steps to protect yourself financially, like a postnup? How do you get comfortable that you're not saving in your own name anymore, for example, no more 401k contributions, and possibly, no more control over how future income is saved and invested because you don't have a paycheck? Asking because I'm hung up on these issues and still working.

Why would you not have control over future income savings and investments? I wouldn't be married to someone who didn't allow 50/50 with that, no matter who brings in what income.
I've been a SAHP for 25+ years (married for 35+) and I manage the finances. We joke spouse would have no idea how to access our money. We make financial decisions together when younger, now we discuss major ones, but are on the same page so I manage them all. When I quit my job to become a full time parent (without a paycheck) I didn't have to ask for money, it's all OURS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you asking? Salary was low as a professional with a masters and long hours. No regrets. If I had to do it over, I would not have struggled with the decision or wasted time looking for day care, which fell through and forced me to stay home.

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also think being attorney is way more all or nothing than some other careers. Sure, part time opportunities exist, but I know very few people who have them and feel that they are actually a downshift. Even lower paying lawyer jobs are still stressful.

- attorney who'd love to quit, haha

Agreed. I have worked part time schedules at two different law firms and both times I got sucked into working more hours than I was supposed to be working because crises would come up with clients who were used to working with me, etc. I'm now working very part time in a non-attorney role at a non-profit and it's a night and day difference.

[Anonymous]

Please don’t quit your job OP. I quit early on in my career ( tech) when I was making $125K and H ( business owner) was bringing home 10 times that. It seemed like a no brainer back then.

Now things haven’t gone great in his business for a few years since the pandemic and his net income has been cut in half. Income is also unpredictable as a business owner which is making me very stressed out on certain months. Yes, even at an average of $600K a year, there are months where we are under. If I stayed employed, I would have been making at least a steady $300K by now and it would have gotten me peace of mind.

Oh, and it’s not like the years I “ stayed home” were nice and relaxing because I ended up being his de facto executive assistant and did so much “ busy work “ behind the scenes for the business. So, I neither got the soft life of a SAHM; nor the financial upside, and my career is gone. I’m just sharing my story as a cautionary tale of what can happen down the line if you completely quit your job.

Is there any way you can stay working 2 days a week to keep your skills so if something bad were to happen you can jump back right in the work force? Anything you can do as a consultant, free lancer, part time employee?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just left my biglaw job to stay at home. I was making $560k. My husband makes much more than I do and we have a lot of savings, so it wasn’t a big deal financially, but I still have a lot of angst about it. I actually love(d) my job, and it makes me sad that it will be very difficult to find a path back.

Do you take any steps to protect yourself financially, like a postnup? How do you get comfortable that you're not saving in your own name anymore, for example, no more 401k contributions, and possibly, no more control over how future income is saved and invested because you don't have a paycheck? Asking because I'm hung up on these issues and still working.

I mean, I have $1.5m in my own name, half in 401k and the other half in liquid brokerage accounts. As for the rest, we are still a team and would still have a conversation about future investments (mostly boring mutual fund stuff), it would be weird to fully cut me out of that conversation? And I’ve only just recently quit but I feel confident I could find at least a $100k job if I needed to go back in future as I quit at a reasonable senior level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t quit your job OP. I quit early on in my career ( tech) when I was making $125K and H ( business owner) was bringing home 10 times that. It seemed like a no brainer back then.

Now things haven’t gone great in his business for a few years since the pandemic and his net income has been cut in half. Income is also unpredictable as a business owner which is making me very stressed out on certain months. Yes, even at an average of $600K a year, there are months where we are under. If I stayed employed, I would have been making at least a steady $300K by now and it would have gotten me peace of mind.

Oh, and it’s not like the years I “ stayed home” were nice and relaxing because I ended up being his de facto executive assistant and did so much “ busy work “ behind the scenes for the business. So, I neither got the soft life of a SAHM; nor the financial upside, and my career is gone. I’m just sharing my story as a cautionary tale of what can happen down the line if you completely quit your job.

Is there any way you can stay working 2 days a week to keep your skills so if something bad were to happen you can jump back right in the work force? Anything you can do as a consultant, free lancer, part time employee?

Or you could have still been a SAHP, but when you were bringing in over $1M as a family, you should have saved $200K+ per year. Invested that and then lived within your means (of only $500-600K) and you would be fine. That's the real issue. That you lived above your means and didn't save for the future. When most of your income comes from a personal/small business, you must plan for down years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just left my biglaw job to stay at home. I was making $560k. My husband makes much more than I do and we have a lot of savings, so it wasn’t a big deal financially, but I still have a lot of angst about it. I actually love(d) my job, and it makes me sad that it will be very difficult to find a path back.

Do you take any steps to protect yourself financially, like a postnup? How do you get comfortable that you're not saving in your own name anymore, for example, no more 401k contributions, and possibly, no more control over how future income is saved and invested because you don't have a paycheck? Asking because I'm hung up on these issues and still working.

I mean, I have $1.5m in my own name, half in 401k and the other half in liquid brokerage accounts. As for the rest, we are still a team and would still have a conversation about future investments (mostly boring mutual fund stuff), it would be weird to fully cut me out of that conversation? And I’ve only just recently quit but I feel confident I could find at least a $100k job if I needed to go back in future as I quit at a reasonable senior level.

That’s basically all marital property.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t quit your job OP. I quit early on in my career ( tech) when I was making $125K and H ( business owner) was bringing home 10 times that. It seemed like a no brainer back then.

Now things haven’t gone great in his business for a few years since the pandemic and his net income has been cut in half. Income is also unpredictable as a business owner which is making me very stressed out on certain months. Yes, even at an average of $600K a year, there are months where we are under. If I stayed employed, I would have been making at least a steady $300K by now and it would have gotten me peace of mind.

Oh, and it’s not like the years I “ stayed home” were nice and relaxing because I ended up being his de facto executive assistant and did so much “ busy work “ behind the scenes for the business. So, I neither got the soft life of a SAHM; nor the financial upside, and my career is gone. I’m just sharing my story as a cautionary tale of what can happen down the line if you completely quit your job.

Is there any way you can stay working 2 days a week to keep your skills so if something bad were to happen you can jump back right in the work force? Anything you can do as a consultant, free lancer, part time employee?

Or you could have still been a SAHP, but when you were bringing in over $1M as a family, you should have saved $200K+ per year. Invested that and then lived within your means (of only $500-600K) and you would be fine. That's the real issue. That you lived above your means and didn't save for the future. When most of your income comes from a personal/small business, you must plan for down years.

Exactly. Zero empathy for this self-created situation. It’s business ownership 101 that you need to live WELL below your means because of exactly what you referenced. The fact is you weren’t in a position to stop working giving your desired lifestyle and HHI volatility but you did it anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:350k stressful job 5 years ago. Spouse makes 180k and recently I get worried about the economy but not worried enough to try to get a paying job. I love my freedom and time.

Maybe this is just me, but absent very specific circumstances (tons of money in the bank already, massive inheritance, child with very severe special needs requiring a parent at home etc), I just don't get this at all. Unless it's some kind of troll post.

You would understand if you’d ever had an incredibly stressful and/or toxic job situation. It interferes with all aspects of life including physical health. It’s not worth any amount of money if you have ti give up your health, physically or mentally

You need some money to live. $180k seems very, very low these days.

Just a reminder, $180K is more than double the US median household income. ($83,730). So, most of the nation survives on far less. Also, if they have a low mortgage and send their kids to public school, it's really not all that lean. In fact, it's not lean at all. My family's household income is around that. We have some family help (family money will pay for kids' college). But could also make it work without the family help.

180k is terrible. We make around 250k and it only buys a modest house not close to our work.

[Anonymous]

This was 18 years ago, but I made $65k. If I stayed working I’d probably max out at $150k. I worked in communications.

Mixed feelings. I have regrets when it comes to the lost income, but zero regrets about missing 18 years of trudging to the office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:350k stressful job 5 years ago. Spouse makes 180k and recently I get worried about the economy but not worried enough to try to get a paying job. I love my freedom and time.

Maybe this is just me, but absent very specific circumstances (tons of money in the bank already, massive inheritance, child with very severe special needs requiring a parent at home etc), I just don't get this at all. Unless it's some kind of troll post.

You would understand if you’d ever had an incredibly stressful and/or toxic job situation. It interferes with all aspects of life including physical health. It’s not worth any amount of money if you have ti give up your health, physically or mentally

You need some money to live. $180k seems very, very low these days.

Just a reminder, $180K is more than double the US median household income. ($83,730). So, most of the nation survives on far less. Also, if they have a low mortgage and send their kids to public school, it's really not all that lean. In fact, it's not lean at all. My family's household income is around that. We have some family help (family money will pay for kids' college). But could also make it work without the family help.

180k is terrible. We make around 250k and it only buys a modest house not close to our work.

I'm glad that I have a different perspective. For us, 180K is plenty. All of the houses in this region are modest, honestly. Paying 2 million would get me something on a better lot, but further from the Metro. Basically, all of us live in modest houses, because that's all there are in this region unless you get fairly far out, far from the metro or into the stratospheric price level.

Live in your bubble. That's fine. But at least acknowledge that it's a bubble you live in and that you are actually wealthy, compared to most people in our region, in the US and certainly in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just left my biglaw job to stay at home. I was making $560k. My husband makes much more than I do and we have a lot of savings, so it wasn’t a big deal financially, but I still have a lot of angst about it. I actually love(d) my job, and it makes me sad that it will be very difficult to find a path back.

Do you take any steps to protect yourself financially, like a postnup? How do you get comfortable that you're not saving in your own name anymore, for example, no more 401k contributions, and possibly, no more control over how future income is saved and invested because you don't have a paycheck? Asking because I'm hung up on these issues and still working.

Why in the world would you do that. You make more than enough to hire full-time live in help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:350k stressful job 5 years ago. Spouse makes 180k and recently I get worried about the economy but not worried enough to try to get a paying job. I love my freedom and time.

Maybe this is just me, but absent very specific circumstances (tons of money in the bank already, massive inheritance, child with very severe special needs requiring a parent at home etc), I just don't get this at all. Unless it's some kind of troll post.

You would understand if you’d ever had an incredibly stressful and/or toxic job situation. It interferes with all aspects of life including physical health. It’s not worth any amount of money if you have ti give up your health, physically or mentally

You need some money to live. $180k seems very, very low these days.

Just a reminder, $180K is more than double the US median household income. ($83,730). So, most of the nation survives on far less. Also, if they have a low mortgage and send their kids to public school, it's really not all that lean. In fact, it's not lean at all. My family's household income is around that. We have some family help (family money will pay for kids' college). But could also make it work without the family help.

180k is terrible. We make around 250k and it only buys a modest house not close to our work.

It does help that we have no mortgage or any other debt and we live 15 min away from my spouses work if he needs to go in for his mostly remote job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just left my biglaw job to stay at home. I was making $560k. My husband makes much more than I do and we have a lot of savings, so it wasn’t a big deal financially, but I still have a lot of angst about it. I actually love(d) my job, and it makes me sad that it will be very difficult to find a path back.

Do you take any steps to protect yourself financially, like a postnup? How do you get comfortable that you're not saving in your own name anymore, for example, no more 401k contributions, and possibly, no more control over how future income is saved and invested because you don't have a paycheck? Asking because I'm hung up on these issues and still working.

Why would you not have control over future income savings and investments? I wouldn't be married to someone who didn't allow 50/50 with that, no matter who brings in what income.
I've been a SAHP for 25+ years (married for 35+) and I manage the finances. We joke spouse would have no idea how to access our money. We make financial decisions together when younger, now we discuss major ones, but are on the same page so I manage them all. When I quit my job to become a full time parent (without a paycheck) I didn't have to ask for money, it's all OURS

That’s not the point of a post-nup. The point is to lay out housing and alimony to a spouse who may have to re-enter the workforce post divorce at a significantly lower salary than their marital HHI. Which is what happens a vast majority of the time.